This is For the Women Who Don’t Give a F*ck. {Adult}

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for the women.

Warning: F-Bombs ahead!

This is for the women who don’t give a fuck.

The women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea.

The women who drink too much whisky, stay up too late and have sex like they mean it.

The women who know they aren’t sluts because they enjoy sex, but human beings with a healthy sexual appetite.

The women who will ask you for what they need in bed.

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls.

The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts.

The ones who wear “night make up” in the morning or don’t own mascara.

The women who know their worth, who plant their feet and roar in their brilliance.

The women who aren’t afraid to tell a man to get the fuck out of her heart if he doesn’t honour her heart.

This is for the women who rock combat boots with frilly skirts.

The women who swear like truck drivers.

The women who hold the people who harass or wrong them with fierce accountability.

The women who flip gender norms and false limitations the bird and live to run successful companies giving “the man” a run for his name.

The ones who don’t find their success a compliment just because they have a vagina.

Women like Gloria Steinem who, when she was told, “We want a writer, not a woman. Go home,” kept writing anyway.

This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it.

For the women who open doors for men and are confident enough to have doors opened for them.

Who use “no” to be in service for themselves.

Who don’t give a damn about pleasing the world, and do sweetly as they wish.

For the superheroes—the single moms who work three jobs to make it. I salute your resilient, cape-flapping, ambitious selves.

This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence.

The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times.

The women who know how to be busy and know how to plant their feet in the earth and get grounded.

These are the women I want around me.

 

Relephant:

Here’s something worth giving a f**k about with a beautiful couple:
~

This is my kind of woman: 

 

Quit Choosing Busy & Start Choosing what we Love.

This One’s for My Skinny Sisters.

Where Did the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Go?

 

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Editor: Emily Bartran

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Janne Robinson

Janne Robinson is a poet, writer, bushwalker, idealist and animal activist currently residing in Vancouver Island. She cuts kindling with her teeth, eats Bukowski for breakfast and makes the habit of saying the word feminist as much as possible. She surfs naked, pees in the woods, and loves whiskeys that swing their hips when they walk and know what they are doing. Janne’s life-work is to be transparent. She makes a living off hanging her dirty and clean laundry out for the world to see. Her mission is to give others permission to also walk and exist with the same transparency. You can connect with her on TwitterInstagram and Facebook. Please also visit and connect with her Facebook writer’s page. Check out Janne’s website.

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anonymous Feb 4, 2016 4:01am

A man’s man, a real man, will love, respect and not be threatned by a strong woman and an equal partner in his life. A strong, uninhibited, capable and self confident but loving woman should be considered an asset, not a threat!. If they can compliment each other’s strengths and not their weaknesses, they can live, love and conquer anything together as a true Alpha Couple!

Don De

anonymous Dec 27, 2015 6:20am

The women who don’t care that they are 30+ years young and haven’t gotten married/had children yet.
The women who are not ashamed of their body hair.
The women who travel alone, wander alone and take major and minor decisions without asking for your opinion/approval.
The women who don’t see gender, who see hearts through eyes.
The women who live to live.

anonymous Dec 26, 2015 6:08pm

I love this! So wish the comments were saved for thoughts- not rewriting your amazing article. It took me 30 years to begin to come into my own and it was extremely full of “shoulds” and “have-to’s”. Thank you for being honest and true to yourself. I, for one, appreciate it.

anonymous Jul 17, 2015 1:53pm

I'll add mine to the voices shouting Huzzah! It took years for me to figure out that being the "good wife" and "good daughter" and "good" anything was killing me. I'm still working out the hows and whys of who I am becoming, but I would gladly embrace most of what you have written, and have done a few already. To those who say it's selfish or wrong, I say for you obviously yes. But there are women who live happy, balanced, in the moment, and outrageously alive. I strive to be one every day and to show my daughter now, at the age of 8, how to be one of these women so she never subjugates who she is for what she thinks is the "good" of those who claim to love her. If that is selfish, then I'd rather be selfish than non-existent.

anonymous Jun 22, 2015 10:10pm

Love! Love! Love! This should be every womans manifesto! This piece makes me want to run down the street naked carrying a blazing torch declaring ” I am woman queen of the world!”

anonymous May 10, 2015 1:09am

While putting life to Janne’s poem filming in NYC last Friday May 7, this Tribe feels deeply and won’t let anyone stand in their way of independence, authenticity and aliveness!! I was fortunate to be in the film!!!

anonymous May 4, 2015 10:37pm

Being this woman every day is an overindulgence that can not be sustained in the long term. But every woman needs to be this person (selfish) in order to continue living and doing so without hating the ones you work so hard to be kind to. Those who don't get it have never been there.

anonymous Apr 30, 2015 1:07am

Loving the ode to women who just don't give a fuck. From this day on wards I am promising myself to stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks of me and to live, really live my life.

anonymous Apr 3, 2015 6:11pm

Yes! Yes! Yes!

anonymous Apr 2, 2015 11:52am

This is for the women with abundant privilege.

anonymous Apr 2, 2015 3:03am

Whoever said that it reads poorly if written about a man is wrong. I believe that either man or woman who lives their life wholey and full of spirit can be all of these things and be such a beautiful strong person. I would like to meet a man more like this, in touch with his needs and desires who has his feet firmly planted but enjoys the fruits of the world. There are so many restrictions and expectations on how all genders live and express themselves. This idiology cripples us daily and I am a feminist because I see it and feel it so strongly. I wish everyone could see it.

anonymous Mar 8, 2015 4:19pm

I get it. I love it! I am all of these and none of these on any given day. Juicy life to you! Aloha~

anonymous Mar 8, 2015 6:26am

I’m utterly amused to read your poem. Mind you, I’m not a feminist hating purist/elitist/chauvinist. I’m a woman. I’m 28 years old. I’m a pediatric doctor in Manila. I’m single. While I do most of the things you do mention, like drink occasionally and have a healthy sexual appetite, this whole poem is filled with diatribes about how you’ve to get naked and howl at the moon and drink wine in the morning to truly be free and independent – that anyone who doesnt CONFORM your ideas of non conformities are not women who are worth your time and you’d rather avoid. IF you want to surround yourself with alcoholics who swear constantly to get what they need and do not know how to appreciate millions of women who are NOT what you described above, who are just decent and hard working and are EMOTIONALLY invested in their family, then you’re nowhere close to understanding what feminism means. Feminism is NOT about women who dont give a fuck. Feminism is about women getting equality in all aspects that the opposite gender enjoys. Now, you can choose to swear at me, or call me a a traditional-minded regressive woman who cant look past the white picket fence. I’ve a double degree in something not quite regressive, infact, exponentially progressive field. You might be a poet and a bush walker, but be very careful or the road you’re treading. By stereotyping women in such manner, you’re doing EXACTLY the opposite of what you should be fighting for. Fight for the right causes. You’ve single handedly offended me and innumerous other women who live to create a nurturing, uplifting society. Imagine what will the world come to if EVERY WOMAN you know became a moon-howling, whiskey drinking and who are, in your own words ‘wildly UNBALANCED and in a blur’ – SINCE you openly state you ONLY want to surround yourself with such women. Also, like another reader had pointed out, I bet he/she also was super amused – what would you do, if you change the GENDER in this poem, since feminism is all about equality, what applies to one gender should apply to other also. Would you like to be surrounded by such MEN as well? Please, humor me and countless other ‘regressive’ women and respond to this. Why dont you like 90% of the female population?

anonymous Feb 8, 2015 1:29pm

Also: howl at the moon? Roar in their brilliance? Was "I am woman, hear me roar" taken?

anonymous Feb 8, 2015 1:27pm

Drinking coffee at midnight is fine if you can sleep afterwards; seems like a waste of good coffee, but it's fine with me. However, people who drink wine in the morning are more commonly known as alcoholics.

anonymous Feb 8, 2015 1:02pm

This is for the woman that planned two kids with me and never wanted to be a mom. This is for the woman that cheated and flirted, while I stayed true and home with the kids. This is for the woman that violently abused me, verbally as well. This is for the woman that has never paid support, and the system that doesn’t make her because they are only after men. This is for the woman that can’t even send her kids a card on special days, but can buy $20 candles for herself. This is for the woman that put her own pleasure above her family. This is for the woman that tried to stab me in the chest with a fork, but I put my arm in the way, and my children above her by leaving her. This is for the woman that has made me the best, and only parent to my two autistic/diabetic kids their whole lives. This is to the woman that showed me raising kids from birth can be a total joy! This!! Is to the man I am, a single dad of 10 years with two autistic/diabetic kids one of which also has hypothyroidism and seizures. A man who has the most talented tongue on the planet, but whose time is for his children, not you independent women losing your values. And btw, I don’t swear 😉

anonymous Feb 7, 2015 3:48am

Like this!

anonymous Feb 7, 2015 12:19am

Fascinating read…the "ode" itself and the many varied responses. I'm up late, working through an impending migraine, and you have all left me with some things to ponder when the inevitable happens and I find myself in a silent room with my eyes covered and my door locked! In the meantime, just because I am an old woman who loves language and the power it has, (and because I am a member in good standing of the "grammar police") I just have to mention that while I found your article to be powerful and moving, it is driving me crazy that you use the word "women" for both singular and plural reference. One person is a "woman", two or more are "women". Whew! Off to my dark room…

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 11:25am

This is for the women who don't give a f*ck, but aren't idiots.

This is for the women who know the line between recklessness and responsibility, who don't cross it "just because they can."

This is for the women who are full-time workers and mothers, who do everything and still manage to understand that, to function in society, you need to be sober and intelligent.

This is for the women who understand their own sexuality and are free to use it however they want, but who don't sleep with men to prove they're "wild" or "untamed."

The women who don't develop issues as a result of their perceptions of sex or self-image. The women who don't really feel the need to consider themselves in terms of sexuality all the time because they've already realized that it's far better to just be strong, independent, and intelligent. They are not simply part of a binary.

This is for the women who actually understand what feminism is, who know the difference between second wave and third wave feminism and feel free to be housewives or CEOs.

The ones who know that not speaking to strangers is the first lesson you teach children because it can be trouble. Who have the ability to evaluate and analyze the difference between a stranger and a potential friend.

This is for the women who know that being grounded means not believing in some mystical gibberish about "the magic of women," but instead see the world for what it is and use their intelligence to change it.

The ones who know that being a whiskey-drinking, foul-mouthed Earth mother is actually very damaging to feminism as it perpetuates a knee-jerk reactionism to feminist ideologies. Who know being coarse will not help you accomplish anything. Who know Gloria Steinem worked to change the system, not simply ignore it.

This is for the women who dress like adults, who know that cultural norms are not just old habits. Who can wear whatever they want, so don't choose to dress like kindergarteners.

This is for the women who work to change the inequality in society, with their appearances, thoughts, and actions. The ones who realize you don't need to be an activist to change things, who help other women make better choices so that we can all escape this inequality.

This is for the activists too, and for the housewives and CEOs and business owners. This is for women of all races and classes who may be a little tired of young, attractive white women speaking for their feminism. This is for the women who might notice that, in a list of 25 dedications, only one of them relates to family life.

This is for the women who don't have the time. The ones who can't backpack around the world and come up with pithy meditations on feminism because they are living a realer, more difficult feminism every day. The ones who still manage to be feminists while being incredibly, exhaustingly, ceaselessly busy.

The ones who work 3 jobs to support their kids, alone, and still have the bravery to tell their bosses when they're being sexually harassed or when they're being treated unequally, even though it could mean losing the job and not being able to pay the rent.

This is for the women who don't feel represented by particular ideas of feminism.

This is also for the women who write odes to women. It's a wonderful, laudable thing, but beware you know what you're saying before you say it.

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 8:24am

I am frustrated by the idea that to be a crazy/sexy/cool woman "who doesn't give a f*ck" you need to be able to drink with reckless abandon. I wrestled with this image for years, and it took me to a very dangerous and scary place with alcohol, endangering myself and others. Please know that some of us strong women are the stronger when we embrace life's adventures in sobriety. Alcohol free doesn't equal boring buzz kill.

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 8:21am

I am frustrated by the idea that to be a crazy/sexy/cool woman “who doesn’t give a f*ck” you need to be able to drink with reckless abandon. I wrestled with this image for years, and it took me to a very dangerous and scary place with alcohol, endangering myself and others. Please know that some of us strong women are the stronger when we embrace life’s adventures in sobriety. Alcohol free doesn’t equal boring buzz kill.

anonymous Feb 5, 2015 11:30pm

FUCK YEAH!! THIS IS ME TO THE FUCKING TEEEEEEEEEE!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^ <3 I eat a bar of dark chocolate and a glass of wine for breakfast!!!!

anonymous Feb 3, 2015 3:03pm

What an awesome read!

anonymous Dec 29, 2014 5:09am

Now read this article and pretend its about men.

It will open your eyes to the type of person this article is really describing… not someone you'd want to be surrounded by…

anonymous Dec 26, 2014 1:11pm

To the writer – be you a man or woman I would be happy to open a door for you, to smile knowingly as you pass by – with this writing the thank you for the gesture 😉

anonymous Dec 25, 2014 3:02am

Fuck yeah. I love women like this.

I have been consistently growing myself just so I can be big enough to meet a woman like this in ALL of her fullness.

I want you.

anonymous Dec 18, 2014 11:33am

🙂 all above is fine with moderation. And I did all of it. If you wanna hold a job then dont drink in the morning. Just saying.

    anonymous Mar 7, 2015 9:54pm

    Actually, I have a great job – RN at a top-ten hospital with a major trauma center. And I usually drink in the morning. I work night shift. So sometimes I drink my whiskey just before my bedtime, sometimes shortly after I wake up in the evening. I’m also a wife and mother. And I can call a cab home and tuck myself in, too. 😉

anonymous Nov 25, 2014 4:08pm

JR…Rock on baby!!!

    anonymous Dec 28, 2014 9:46am

    Rocking, Rocking.

    Cheers 🙂

anonymous Nov 24, 2014 11:48am

uhh is this for real? I guess the next new “feminist” movement.

    anonymous Nov 26, 2014 10:07pm

    So, deliciously for real. 😉

anonymous Nov 23, 2014 9:32am

As a 59-yo woman who had the spirit of the woman who didn’t give a fuck as you describe her here, I did not always know HOW to live true to self living with the shame and guilt that was dumped on me for being “different.” This also was a great reminder, even at my age, I can still go after what I want, even if I do scare the men away because they can’t quite handle it. I just haven’t found the ones that appreciate and honor the older women for what we bring to the table. 😉

anonymous Nov 10, 2014 7:11pm

I agree totaly but, I’ve met very few.

    anonymous Dec 26, 2015 6:08pm

    Why is it that not wanting to be exactly like everyone else is seen as “not giving a fuck”? I used to get criticism from my mother as well, about the way I dressed, my interests, why I wasn’t more outgoing… Because somehow by being me I was making her look bad. I didn’t feel shame though, I felt angry and sometimes sad. I still give a fuck. Just probably not about the same things as everyone else. A lot of this may apply to me, but I drink coffee in the morning, I sleep at night. I work hard doing something I love during the day. I don’t want to run wild, I like having a stable home. I have no patience for the sort of small talk that is meant to keep those around me chattering away without ever saying anything that might possibly the placidity. I want to have deep and meaningful conversations and if someone’s idea is not the same as mine, I want to hear it, so long as they listen to my take on it as well. And if I want to go out on a Saturday night and dance and drink I will, and I will not feel guilty about it. I wasn’t always exactly the way I am now, and this current version isn’t really winning popularity contests, but for the first time, I don’t care about that. At least I can be authentic with those who are able to tolerate me being real.

anonymous Oct 30, 2014 12:30am

I love women like that, so much that I married one.

anonymous Oct 27, 2014 1:35pm

This kind of woman also:

-will do anything to support her family and friends, always willing to help when she can, and sometimes forgoing something important to her in order to be there for others.

-will always stand up for others being treated unfairly.

-will easily move on when she’s been hurt, and not seek to hurt that person back, though she holds them accountable.

-realizes it’s not all about her, even though she values herself highly.

Beyond the heavy makeup in the morning, the late night whiskey slinging, and combat boots, this woman has a deep sense of compassion for the world and values hard work, lots of fun, and meaningful relationships.

And besides, for every woman who doesn’t give a fuck, there’s someone who does, and that person is driving her drunk ass home and tucking her in with a glass of water beside her bed.

    anonymous Oct 31, 2014 11:15pm

    Sarah your additions to this list make it complete. Spot on and thank u and the author for reminding me of who I am

anonymous Oct 26, 2014 3:27am

YES! YES! YES! “Like” x infinity!

anonymous Oct 23, 2014 8:19pm

Is this guy serious? I’ll shove my size 13’s up his ass. Friends, your female big foot has arrived. Give em hell!

anonymous Oct 14, 2014 1:35pm

UGHH. SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS, not in a good way. Inspired me to write this..

This is for the women who GIVE a fuck.

The one’s who are anxious and worrisome.

The on’es who are selfless with their heart and time in moments they shouldn’t be, and to people they shouldn’t give to.

This is to the push overs, the on’es who let others come before them.

The naïve, the innocent, the meek, the addicts, and suicidal.

The on’es who count calories, and wake up to hair straightners and makeup then the sun, and new beginnings.

The successful independent who feels unsuccessful without a man.

The unexperienced, and unadventrous.

The mediocre, and the square.

This on’es for you.

Because if it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be so strong.

You were our crutch.

Compared to you, we felt strong, in turn became strong. Stronger then you.

You built our egos with your genorsity, and our intelligence through your ignorance, because you know so little and we know so much.

Because of you we were able to grow.

But why haven’t you grown? because you didn’t have a crutch?

Let me be your crutch.

Because I a may be strong, and mighty, a girl who doesn’t give a fuck, but Im not so ignorant as you to believe I did this all on my own.

Watching you give a fuck, gave me the ability to not give a fuck. Knowing someone will always be watching out for me.

Let me give a fuck, so you don’t have to. So you can be strong like me.

You after all created my strength, when I was weak like you.

anonymous Sep 29, 2014 10:16am

It seems that those who automatically jumped on the author, assuming she must never do anything to give back to her world, mistook this list as an all-encompassing (and proscriptive) to-do list for women everywhere. Just because volunteering, or being a single-mom-playing-the-role-of-both-parents, or taking care of an aging parent, etc., wasn't specifically listed, why should it be assumed that those things are missing from the lives of the women for whom this was written? The thing is, in our culture and society, those things ARE the 'norm' for women. They aren't news. They're expected. And generally, taken for granted. The things in the list are still 'new' enough in our culture that they do seem selfish and outlandish and strange, and yes, even just plain wrong to some people. For example, I know several men — young men in their 30s — who attach symbolic meaning to the simple act of a woman ordering a beer or something like whiskey at a bar. And those assumptions are NOT that she prefers beer or whiskey to wine or fruity cocktails — they are negative assumptions that she's trying to prove something or that she's somehow advertising that she'll have sex with them (maybe she will and maybe she won't — that probably depends way more on whether or not they're dicks than on what she's drinking). That's the kind of crap many women are still fighting. I'm nearly 50. I spent all of my life, into my early 30s, being a 'good girl' : straight-A's, raised strict Catholic, always told to mind her 'reputation' in ALL things, and gave up a promising life (Including college and a career, and possibly a family at a younger age) to take care of my physically and mentally ill mother after my dad divorced her. Nobody in my extended family said a word, because it was what daughters did. I finally married in my mid-30s, and had a child a couple years later. I'm now divorced from an emotionally abusive man. For the first time in my life, I am some of the things in this list. I'm learning how to say 'no' for my own good. When my son is with his father, I'm allowing myself to have fun with friends, and do some of the crazy things other people did in their 20s and take for granted — simple things like singing karaoke, learning how to dance, and yes, having sex with someone I'm not married to. I don't dress or wear my hair like most other women my age. And people tell me I look healthier (I AM healthier!) and that I look younger and happier than I did 10 years ago, when I was doing what I 'should.' Since I've stopped giving as much of a f*ck, interestingly, I am also closer to my son, as my stress level is lower and I'm freer to laugh and spend time with him, not just 'doing' for him. I AM freer to give to others, and I do. I am ALSO learning mindfulness to help keep me in the moment when those old deeply ingrained messages of what I 'should' be doing, and what is 'wrong' and 'bad' about me keep looping in my mind. I was forced to hide who I am for most of my life, and who I am is a loving, giving person, who just also happens to like sex, drink strong dark beer, drive a 4WD vehicle, wear high heels and pencil skirts, bake cookies and love to give them away, and swear around my friends. Multifaceted people! Imagine that!

    anonymous Nov 26, 2014 10:07pm

    Dani!

    Yes–I fucking love this and you. Thank you.

    Janne

anonymous Sep 16, 2014 3:35pm

Calm down people. I hardly think this list means "Things to Do Everyday"!! While some are – most are just having experienced or are willing to have an open mind…..

anonymous Sep 14, 2014 7:23pm

I have been widowed for over 5 years, after 35 years of marriage….and even during those years I was the breadwinner, housekeeper and jack of all trades. In fact, this past week, I have been busy rebuilding my sundeck. Male neighbour came around and asked me if there was anything I would NOT tackle!! Nope, I said….I will try to do as much on my own as possible. Girl power?? not really, just proud of myself and my abilities. HItting 60 and not slowing down for anyone!

anonymous Sep 5, 2014 10:47pm

God I love girls like this. Whoever it was that convinced women that promiscuity is a means to empowerment is my personal hero:)

Party on Janne!

anonymous Sep 4, 2014 10:04pm

I read this a few times…just loved the energy of the piece 🙂

I was left thinking about what society deems as milestones and what we conventionally celebrate. This makes many of us crave bigger moments and can leave us feeling less than, not good enough, and alone. What if we acknowledged and embraced the concepts/pieces you wrote about as successes, accomplishments, milestones? To not gloss over those spirit enhancing moments even if they are fleeting 🙂 Parties for the soul!!

This piece warmed me because simultaneously it celebrated my uniqueness yet also connected me to other women in the universe 🙂

Thanks for the lovely gift! Steph

anonymous Aug 31, 2014 9:13pm

I love this and understand quite clearly that it speaks to a set of women who are the true representative of ‘I’m every woman’.

So many sisters tend to just long to be and live and die never releasing any of the fire they have inside of them…so sad they never live their music they just EXIST.

Not me, so thank you for exposing just that little insight into the lives of other quirky and wonderfully free sistas!!!!!

anonymous Aug 31, 2014 4:06pm

You've inspired me to write a poem I have been thinking about for weeks. THANKS!!! I LOVE your imagery. I hope you like my message 🙂

anonymous Aug 31, 2014 2:50pm

This is coming from a woman who has wasted many of her precious years giving a f*ck about all the wrong things and is finally getting over it – preach!!

anonymous Aug 31, 2014 6:45am

I found the “single mom working three jobs” line pretty interesting. I have never met a woman like this. However, I have met several self-proclaimed victims that can’t seem to make it without the assistance of our government-supported social programs. I guess that is just their way of not giving a f*ck. I would love to believe this all to be true but instead I see it as a fantasy held by non-f*uck-giving women who project an image of strength and self-reliance upon themselves.

    anonymous Aug 31, 2014 5:38pm

    Well Marc, maybe you should get out and observe life… there are plenty. I also love your portrayal of the welfare-mother. So stunning and original. Really insightful. Thanks for buying into every stereotype in the universe. Open up. Use your own eyes. Talk to welfare mothers. I was on welfare when I was a child and I am now a teacher, department chair and contributing member of the community. Oh, why was I on welfare? Maybe it was because my father was an abusive drug addict and alcoholic who beat my mother on a regular basis. Now as a child, I was a victim, so I would like to personally thank the federal government for feeding me, as I was not yet old enough to support myself. Love and light and enlightenment to you. There are so many stories beyond the stereotypes. Peace.

anonymous Aug 31, 2014 5:35am

Awesome wicked goosebumps piece. Here's to those women, and for what it's worth: Yes, "These are the women I want around me".

anonymous Aug 30, 2014 10:43pm

Lauren & Elizabeth, I couldn't agree with you more. My perspective of this piece was so very different than what I am reading here. My daughter actually posted this to Facebook with this saying "This is for my mother, who taught us the beauty and value of wild, unbridled, raw passion in all aspects of life, and who has refused to ever let it dwindle. Thank you for that."_When I read those words from my daughter it brought tears to my eyes. My girls have grown up, living a life full of passion for all that they do. They take care of themselves, work hard, laugh often and love deeply and with wild abandon. Does that mean the give of themselves freely… No! It means they are not afraid of their own bodies or their own sexuality. It does not define them or control them! They respect themselves and others. They are not afraid of Love! They are kind, compassionate, empathetic women. They are strong, yet vulnerable, fun and yes sexy! Not for any one else but for themselves because it makes them feel good about themselves. I did not read this and think it was describing one woman, it describes the traits the author respects in the women she has met. Traits I am so very happy that I was able to pass on to my daughters. I think we all admire someone who stands out from the crowd, someone who shows up as their authentic self and doesn't care what others think of her. This is what I got from the title and the only one who's opinion really matters is your own anyway. From my experience this is also the woman who cares very deeply about others. She is not afraid and does not judge, She loves herself, therefore is able to love others with all that she has. I too want to be around these women. Thanks Janne! I'll drink wine with you anytime!

    anonymous Nov 26, 2014 10:11pm

    Cheers to you Deborah, sounds like you've raised some kick ass kids. Thanks for these words.

    Janne

anonymous Aug 30, 2014 12:45am

The woman who doesn't give a fuck is not a woman who actually *does* all of these things, but a woman who *would* do any of these things if she wanted to, without regard to what other people think. Which is as it should be.

anonymous Aug 29, 2014 9:30am

Wow! The comments are very enlightening…so much diversity of reaction, and not much of it seeming to 'get' that this was a simple ode to any woman who embraces life with gusto and passion, does what she chooses despite societal norms and whatever voices may be in her head telling what she 'should' do, and lives in the present moment…with sheer glee at the beauty and magic of life. If that is not mindful, I don't know what is. She is connected to herself and others, and loves life. The specifics don't matter, and these were just examples…so much judgement here, and that's the whole point isn't it? Listen to MYSELF and my heart, my soul, and enjoy every moment. Which I do. Thanks, Janne! ♥

anonymous Aug 29, 2014 8:42am

FYI: One reason Gloria Steinem continued writing is because she was secretly working for the CIA. I neither begrudge nor endorse the opinions in your article – but I do suggest that women educate themselves about the groups responsible for the massive social-engineering that transformed the very essence of human society over the last several decades. Women will have to make up their own minds whether or not they are better off today than they would have been had the elite oligarchs of the world not indulged in this program. Speaking as a man (with two sisters, two nieces and a wonderful mother)—I don't necessarily buy into the notion that women were liberated from some oppressive patriarchal system. They certainly were liberated from their traditional and sacred role as nurturers of children (i.e., shepherding the future generations of humanity). The logic that this role is somehow less honorable than "working for the man" 40 hours a week continues to elude me. With women entering the workplace, the oligarchs doubled their wealth (and power) by doubling the tax base.

I hope this is a lesson to all (men and women) that everything is not always as it seems. The "liberal feminist" icon – Ms. Steinem – was not looking out for women — or advancing their cause. She was advancing the cause of elitist authoritarianism at the behest of the CIA. Perhaps it's time to reconsider the idea that restraint and modesty are actually more authentic expressions of female dignity and power than previously realized. As a man, the Jackie-O type woman (characterized by meekness—i.e., exercise of power under restraint) is both incredibly appealing and worthy of honor. Not so much with the over-sexualized careerist—who seems to have bargained away honor in return for "respect." I would much rather honor women, than (merely) "respect" them.

Just an opinion to consider…

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 10:32am

    The thing is, Jason, that while you and others may find it more attractive for women to be meek, mild and "dignified", some women don't fit into that mold. And for those who don't, we shouldn't feel this pressure to when we can celebrate the things in our lives that make us happiest. Perhaps being fiercely independent and choosing not to be a mother or be married is what one woman wants. Why is she deemed selfish, by societies standards, instead of letting her celebrate what makes her happy? Plenty of women do whatever they need to in order to fit into this mold that we're told makes us more/most attractive to men. And plenty of women who do that live unhappy lives as a result. Plenty live happy lives being that woman. Point is, women should be free to live that Jackie O like life or one completely opposite of that or one somewhere smack dab in the middle. We should stop being so determined that everything has to be a certain way or it's just the wrong choice.

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 5:00pm

      Thank you for your response, Carrie. 🙂 I want to ensure that my comments aren't misrepresented. I never said "mild" nor "dignified." I did mention "expression of female dignity" — but somewhere between my expression, and your interpretation / response, it appears to have acquired a negative twist. Perhaps I'm reading too much into your response, but you seem to have restated my words in such a way as to suggest that I am claiming a unique authority or ability to objectively determine what makes a woman "dignified". I am certainly not doing that.

      Rather, I was expressing an opinion that, at this point in history, since we now have extensive information on the people, programs, and goals of some formerly secret social-engineering schemes, as well as sufficient data to analyze many of its effects and outcomes (e.g., marriage & divorce rates, reproduction rates, academic performance, crime, happiness, depression, spiritual fulfillment, etc.)—it might behoove us (individually/collectively, both men and women) to consider revisiting / reevaluating some of these issues after integrating this new data, and checking to see if it changes our understanding in any fundamental way(s).

      I made that suggestion for two reasons. 1) Many of my own personal opinions have undergone rather significant changes in recent years as a result of encountering new information. 2) Many women who participated in the first "wave" of feminism now expressly reject (and resent) it—as they've grown to realize that it was a carefully-executed psychological deception, with results that can only be described as a complete inversion of what was promised. Feminism, Communism, Marxism, Liberalism, Modernism (of the Catholic Church), and many other leftist "revolutionary" ideologies based around the fundamental-rejection of traditional Christian culture, feature striking-similarities. Namely: 1) they all tend to promise "liberation" from some perceived source of oppression—and 2) they all tend to deliver an exact inversion of the things they promise.

      To your points—I offer no objection whatsoever to every single woman choosing her own destiny—whether single, married, or any number of other dynamic options. Neither was I suggesting that every woman should be like Jackie O, or that this was the ideal or only dignified female archetype. I was simply stating that many men (myself included) find that type of woman attractive/impressive. The reason I wanted to share that view is because, with so much overt sexuality in our faces every day, I suspect that there are many women out there who don't realize the extent to which men find the "less-is-more" look/attitude attractive. I can only speculate, but I wonder if some women might not be delighted to learn that information.

      Two final thoughts:
      1 — There is no such thing as "pressure from society." The pressure is internal (i.e., your conscience)– and you alone have the power to affect that.
      2 — you mention "society's standards"… What standards might those be?

        anonymous Aug 30, 2014 1:18am

        Bravo, Jason!
        I spent a good chunk of my early childhood listening to Gloria Stienem on the radio. My mother was the very first generation to be sold the bill of goods that they were nothing unless they worked. Worked AND raised children. You know, so they could be ALL they could be….and roar and stuff. More correctly, worked to pay someone else to raise the children. Being "just" a mother was now somehow oppressive.
        I would be one that you labeled as completely against the entire "feminist" movement. I watched it destroy my mother and quite a few women of her generation and I have watched it destroy many of my peers. Multiple divorces, raising children alone, working very hard to just keep everyone in shoes; all the while feeling "unfulfilled". My children's generation is riddled with the ills that this social experiment has caused.
        You touched on over sexualization…no pun intended…but it's now shoved down women's throats from the time they are preteens that they must be sexy; and to be fully a woman, also need to be sexually active. Virginity is passé….over rated, apparently. Being with just one man is apparently oppressive. No, girlfriend, you must EMPOWER yourself by having promiscuous sex. We all know how powerful a woman *must* be to pick up a man in a bar for sex. Whew! Tough work there. Roar!
        Not sure "empowered" would be what I'd be feeling walking into work in last night's make-up and yesterday's clothes.
        I highly doubt many women feel empowered walking in to get an abortion. I'll bet none feel empowered walking out. It's not something you get over by ripping off your clothes and skinny dipping under the moonlit waves, or wearing combat boots with a frilly skirt. Not something you'll get over by drinking whiskey in the morning, though many try. The visual is like a new twist on the Modess….because ads. Just got an abortion, stumbling down the beach, drunk, cussing like a sailor, wearing a frilly skirt, and combat boots.
        Feminism…..because.
        Compare that scene to Jackie-O, then tell me that "we've come so far".
        I don't think it's oppressive to turn my body over to a man for sex knowing that he will take care of me and any children that we make together. One faction of extreme feminism believes that any sex act with a man is rape, as such oppressive….and another faction of feminism considers it empowering to have sex with whoever they want to on a whim, just don't marry him, because then it would be oppressive.
        If you end up with a nice house with a picket fence, just kill yourself now because you're worthless.
        I do not think it is oppressive to be completely in charge of shaping the next generation of adults while having a good man by my side all the while. I do think it's oppressive that the current trend is to turn our off spring over to strangers to raise from nearly birth on so that we can be another cog in the workforce. It is an insane system that we've bought into that suggests that someone other than a child's mother is best for raising that child.
        It's an insane system that fully endorses teenagers having promiscuous sex. How empowered are we making our daughters by saddling them with the heavy burden of either an abortion or having to raise a child without help from the father. It is a sick society that condones and encourages 13 year olds having sex. Encouraging 13 year olds to make life changing decisions without consulting their parents. If we allow teenagers to have sex and have abortions, then why do we have a mandatory drinking age? Why do we have an age limit on buying cigarettes or for having a driver's license or to sign a legal contract?
        How empowering is it that parents no longer have ultimate say-so in the life of their 13 year old daughters?
        Working 3 jobs as single mother doesn't feel empowering. It's exhausting. Growing up watching your mother being exhausted isn't very empowering, either.
        One has to wonder if the author of this article would feel so "free" and "empowered" if she was chubby and a tad homely.
        How empowering does it feel that half the men that responded to this article basically did it to cyber-cat call the image of a feisty female? It's irony at it's best that an article espousing the joys of feminism brings out sexual objectification in half the men that read it.

          anonymous Aug 31, 2014 5:31pm

          Hey Jay and Jason, I think it is more empowering to be able to walk away from a man who beats you and be able to get a job and support your children, if you wish. "The good old days weren't always good", an old cliche that is more than true. "Feminism" is just having equal rights and opportunities.. that's it. There is a reason why so many women were ready to escape their lack of opportunities. One of these reasons was abuse. Many women could not economically leave their abusive husbands because of a lack of opportunity in the job market paired with a lack of birth control, which WAS an INFLUENCE FROM THE CHURCH. WHY??? Women with many children cannot leave their husbands because they have their children to think of. So quickly we forget this. So quickly we forget the millions of women who were killed, discarded in mental institutions by their loving husbands unjustly, or lived through years of horrid physical or emotional abuse, so their children could be economically stable and have opportunities in life. I don't know about Gloria Steinem or the CIA. Frankly, I don't give a shit. I watched my mother leave a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. I watched my drunk/high father brutalize and belittle my mother. Should she have stayed there? Was that her womanly duty? Or was it better for her to leave, get a degree, and support us on her own? Luckily, she was able to do that in the early 1980s. Do you know how many women put up with this treatment for a lifetime? Do you know how many families have a history of abuse that keeps perpetuating because of it? Have you any idea the pain and heartache that goes on and affects multiple descendents of these types of families? I am happy that the contributors above feel that going back to "traditional" female roles would be utopia, but it never was utopia, and frankly that is why so many women believed in feminism. Jackie O herself would most likely agree that women should have equal opportunities and not be treated like possessions or dogs. To the above contributors who believe that feminism is an evil, I am happy that you have the luxury of this belief. Perhaps you have never seen your mother nursing multiple wounds to her face? It was not "Jackie O" in my house. And I do not have the ignorance or the luxury to believe that "Feminism" is an option or "conspiracy". For me and my family, it was a means of survival. I do not know where I would be today, if I never witnessed my mother walking out the door of pain and into the role of provider. Not because she WANTED to, because SHE HAD TO. Even though, in those days, churches were still influencing abused women to stay with their husbands and excommunicating them for divorce, as if they had a choice. So you can continue to dream of a "utopia" without feminism that NEVER EXISTED. In Irish catholic culture, my story was not a rarity. Is what we have today perfect? No. We are in a state of flux. You see women had a revolution. we learned that we did not have to only be mothers, if that is what we wished. We learned we ARE strong, as well as gentle and that gender roles are really bullshit. MEN are just beginning their revolution. They are leaning it is fine to walk down the street strapped with a baby bjorn, and still be considered strong as well. That they can cry, and that they can feel, and they can even stay home with the kids while mom works if that works for their particular family. Because men are also Natural Nurturers- they just lost it along the way somewhere. The journey of life will always be difficult. we are here to discover ourselves and see beyond what society has prescribed for us. When we discover what makes us happy, we learn what makes others happy as well. So we have a responsibility to ourselves AND to others and that is truthful whether you are a man or a woman, soul or human, or really a combo of all of these, which is really what we all are. I am sorry about your experiences with feminism. It saved my life and my family. And I would not blame it for your mother's multiple divorces etc. No on walks down the aisle and thinks "Hmmm can't wit for divorce!". I think the circumstances of your ancestor's behavior was much more complicated and you should probably ask for particulars or step in their shoes a bit more. I doubt it was the fault of the CIA, Gloria Steinem, or feminism. Open up and begin a new story. The old paradigm is over… let's make the new one better. We can start by thinking there isn't a wrong or right.. there merely is life that we learn from.
          Good Day.
          Sincerely, A happy, non-CIA, non Steinem influenced individual who believes that women's rights are just human rights.

            anonymous Sep 2, 2014 1:51am

            Breathe, Hon. Really, take a breath.

            It's funny that you chose to directly insult my family. I didn't directly insult anyone in my response to Jason. I may have insulted Gloria Steinem, she can take that up with me, if she so choses.

            My mother glaming onto feminism as a direct result of her poor feelings about herself do to the way she felt society looked upon her. The way society looked upon her was a direct result of the poor decisions she'd made. She was a single parent of 2 in 1965.
            If your mother was married to an abusive drug addict, that was a direct result of poor decisions that she made. It wasn't "the church's" fault, nor was it the fault of being Irish, nor was it the fault of forced "societal norms", nor male oppression in a patriarchal society.
            Your mother faced hardships because of her poor choices, my mother faced hardships because of her poor choices. From the sounds of it, they both wanted someone other than themselves to blame for the consequences of those poor choices.
            Poor choices in men is not a viable reason for a revolution, nor change in paradigm. .

            "My ancestors"? Since you decided ahead of time that they were these weak willed, cowering women, let me set the record straight. The women in my family were strong and capable long before the feminist movement. My grandmother on my mother's side raised a family and was a professional musician, at one time in the New York Women's symphony. She was a teacher for quite a few years, and in her retirement years taught music and worked as a flower arraigner at Woodies. She didn't need the money, she did it because she wanted to.
            She traveled from Washington, DC to Japan post war via a cross country, 7+ day trip on a train before she boarded a ship for 3 weeks, with 2 small children. One of whom was still in diapers. They didn't have Pampers back then, btw. She learned flower arraigning, among other things, during her several year stint in Occupied Japan. Taught English while there, as well.
            She was traveling to post war Japan. Everything she needed to make a home, she needed to bring with her, or have shipped ahead. She set up an entire household across the world out of 5 steamer trunks. She didn't travel as a poor women, but she certainly didn't travel as a rich woman.

            My grandmother on the other side ran a rooming house after traveling alone as a teenager from Scotland. Bet she could cuss well enough to make a drunken sailor on shore leave to blush and could likely drink them under the table, as well. I'm not sure that you understand what a rooming house was, but suffice it to say, she could hold her own. I'm pretty sure she was a woman who didn't give a f*ck.

            My great grandmother on my mother's side was Lanape Indian, chose not to go to a reservation in 1916, and later ran the family farm after my great grandfather passed away. Do some research on what "women of color" were treated like at the turn of last century.
            She did what she "had" to do, did it well, and did it with pride and dignity. The family still owns that farm land, and none of us (my generation) grew up on a reservation. All of the girls graduated from Teacher's College and all of them married after being in the workforce. There were 12 surviving children. She lost 2 small children in a house fire. Had she felt "oppressed", I have a hard time believing she could have successfully raised so many well educated and successful children. She, herself, had maybe a 3rd grade education.
            The other great grandmother on my mother's side came to America on a ship with several small children and a husband in failing health at the turn of last century. All of her children (5, 4 surviving) got college educations long before it was common place for college to be open to anyone who wanted to go, especially to fairly new immigrants.

            I come from a long line of people who were not "oppressed" by what society expected of them. Until my mother….when she decided, via listening to the voices of the feminism movement, she was somehow a victim.
            The entire current feminist movement is based on women being victims.
            You cannot label yourself as oppressed without first labeling yourself a victim.

      anonymous Sep 1, 2014 1:01am

      High five Carrie.

      Janne

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 3:02pm

AH-WOW So HARDCORE!

    anonymous Sep 1, 2014 12:42am

    Boom! Yeah, sometimes. 😉

    Janne

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 12:56pm

Truly inspiring… Tears have come to my eyes reading this… Thanks for writing it!

    anonymous Sep 1, 2014 12:41am

    That's it, that's why its all worth it.

    Thanks for taking the time Xenia.

    xx

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 11:32am

This writer has allowed her ego to take over her heart. Nearly all of her articles on ej are accompanied by a flattering photo of herself and, though she preaches love and acceptance, she also wrote a piece about having an abortion "because she wants to write a book and make a documentary and BE A SUCCESS." (It doesn't get much more selfish than this, does it?) I used to LOVE ej – I felt they published pieces of very high quality. But, recently, it seems they will publish anything and everything. I've also noticed that they tend to promote the same authors again and again and again (not because they are wonderful writers, but because they are "featured authors"). Once in awhile, I come across a piece that makes my heart glow (and I treasure these moments), but these pieces are rarely promoted on their main page and quickly fall off the radar. For the most part, I'm just really disappointed by the kind of self-indulgent crap (like this) that a site like ej (that prides itself on so-called mindfulness) publishes. As for this writer, I feel she needs to do some serious soul searching and stop letting her ego lead the way because, frankly, it's exhausting. (Thank you for hearing me out.)

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:13pm

    Hey, you! Thanks for the comment! We love and need respectful criticism, all of us.

    So let's keep this constructive. There's a ton of good articles on elephant–make sure to get our weekly or daily newsletters, where we share our best, not just our main FB page. The problem with FB is also why it works for so many people–you only see what the most folks are liking or sharing or viewing. So we dooooooooooooooo share many great articles, but they don't get seen. That's why we have dozens of focus pages on FB for family, meditation, bicycling, adventure, everything. So you can find the good stuff on our site, on FB, or via our newsletter.

    Also, as I commented to a similar reader: "We here at elephant welcome a plethora, a diversity, a veritable cornucopia! of voices. Why? The web enables comments, such as yours, that are critical yet respectful, enabling community discussion. Let's meet in a field beyond right and wrong, and not seek to ban the ego, but rather to hug it until it relaxes. ~ Waylon

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 9:46pm

    Your opinion of this article is just that.. your opinion. Plenty of other people, myself included, found this article to be inspiring and thought-provoking. Suggesting that there is an issue with the writer's EGO because you disagree with her content is totally inappropriate. Her piece on abortion spoke to many other women faced with that issue and probably provided comfort to many. In the age of the internet, I don't understand why people constantly feel the need to label opinion pieces "right" or "wrong". If you disagree with the writer's content, stop reading it. She is pouring her heart and soul out and to label it selfish and self-indulgent is totally unnecessary.

      anonymous Sep 1, 2014 12:39am

      Hi Julie.

      Shit, you've got my back. Thank you.

      Truly…. Thank you.

      Janne

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:02am

    HI Sophie,

    Hello! Thanks for writing me and using your voice. We all have one to use. I have and do use images of myself to accompany my articles, mainly because as an columnist with EJ part of the work is finding an image with it. Sometimes I get tired scrolling all the free websites to find an image, and sometimes I don't like the images chosen when I don't have my own.

    We are all mirrors of each other. I think that when something really irks us and get under our skin there is often something we are personalizing.

    I did have an abortion, I am at peace with my choice. Your words do not anger me as they are through your eyes and my eyes know my own heart very well. I do want to write a book (many), film a documentary and of course live up to my own definition of success. Which is to simply exist to move and be moved. To reach people and be reached back at. My words have moved you in some which way or form, so whatever I'm doing is working.

    Elephant Journal has a plethora of other contributers, and I am glad that you enjoy some of the content they produce.

    Best,

    Janne

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 8:24am

    How judgmental! She made a strong and difficult choice in her decision to not have a child, and your response to it is precisely why women cannot be more open with the fact that we ALL are entitled to have different opinions and choices in the matter. When I was 21, my birth control failed and I became pregnant. Much like the author, I chose to have an abortion because there were many things I wanted to do with my life, and frankly, I don't want children or to be a mother. I have never once regretted that decision, but I do certainly wish that women could be more open about it without having to endure judgmental remarks like yours.

    Janne- I don't typically comment on EJ articles (though I am an avid reader), but please don't listen to the ugly, hateful remarks! This was a wonderful article, and I hope to read more from you soon, beautiful soul!

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 11:56am

      Cat—the hypocrisy contained within your comments is utterly staggering. First, you excoriate someone for daring to express a dissenting opinion; then—without missing a beat—you embark on a lecture about people's universal right to express differing opinions. Come again?

      Furthermore—characterizing her clearly-expressed and objective criticism as "ugly" and "hateful" simply because it didn't comport with your own opinion is shameful. Do you understand that the use of such hyperbolic-nonsense diminishes the value of words, and the ability for everyone to communicate? More importantly—have you no respect for people who have been subjected to real ugliness and real hatefulness? If you do, then how about dropping the sanctimonious neo-liberal code words in favor of accurate, descriptive terms. English is an expansive and elegant language, when used responsibly. Rank-propaganda masquerading as enlightened opinion is insulting to everyone with even the most moderate sense of culture or intelligence (if you catch my drift…)

      shalom

        anonymous Sep 1, 2014 12:49am

        Dear Jason,

        Some of the most powerful and influential quotes of our time were said in four words or less. I appreciate your passion for language, but, I'm just saying– a sentence jammed full of dressed up words can sometimes come off like a monkey wearing silk, and at the end of the day, we both know it's still a monkey. I got lost in your silk and went looking for a banana.

        Best,

        Janne

      anonymous Sep 1, 2014 12:41am

      Hi Cat,

      Thanks for having my back, sister. Thanks for baring your soul too. You fiery fiesty beautiful thang.

      I hear them all, but I always remember that often what other people see is through their own eyes. People all experience everything different… art, people, all of it. It usually has less to do with us, and more to do with them.

      Thank you for your words, your support, your strength, your voice and your love.

      Janne

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 11:20am

Damn girl, this was great and every time you write something it hits big with readers! So excited for you!

Jennifer

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:12pm

    Thanks for always commenting on fellow writers' blogs. Means a lot to community here, you.

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:04am

    Hi Jennifer,

    Thank you! I feel like my words evoke all kinds of somethings out of people, but at least its moving energy. Thanks for being so supportive and great.

    xx

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 9:50am

I'm a bit baffled by the commentators who seem to think that the article is saying women should encompass ALL of the qualities listed above. Nope. Amazingly we have the ability to choose which of these we want to express and which we don't or can't because they're simply appropriate to our situation (eg; I'm not a mother). Some of them I aspire to. I think I will print this list off and post it where I can see it every day.

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 9:29am

As "one of those," I can tell you that I am printing your great work and taping it on the refrigerator! (Where all great quotes get posted). And I applaud, adored, and appreciate what you have done here. BRAVO!!! Again and again and again!!!!!! Cheers! – Leah

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:31am

I am a single mother with two children and though..I dont drink often because I work 2 jobs and ACTUALLY spend time with my kids…I still get my time for me…sometimes its a yoga class sometimes its a whiskey romp through the woods or the city…most of the time my kids are with me..but im happy to say ive raised them wild as I can..they go to festivals hikes to tops of mountains snowboarding hot springs bat caves earthships etc…sometimes I bring some wine with me (not for the kids) im certain I am not doing it wrong .their dads are not around I do not feel incomplete..I feel whole..and not bcus of three jobs because I figured out how to be with them and enjoy them…even without child support from their father…i give a fuck about my health and my kids well being ..idont give a fuck.about peoples assumptions that I need a man to make this work..or that i need to work myself to the bone and not be available to my kids..i work hard and play hard…mom style..never putting my my children at risk and never abandoning my own spirit..its not easy..to be a fuckin rockstar mom..i do my best though…my kids are independent thinkers wildly imaginitive and creative. ..fun loving ..sometimes very introspective. .have great social skills and highly intelligent…I made good babies without giving a f about how it appears to others…I know other moms like this with and with out a partner…rocktars all the same..raisin free minds ….

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 4:59am

I have read this ODE at least ten times and forwarded to handfuls of beautiful female friends who I’m blessed to have in my circle. The good news, for those who leave negative, judgemental comments, is “what other people think about me is none of my business.” It has taken me 45 years to take of the “worry about what everyone else thinks coat” and accept myself just as I am, with all my perfect imperfections, right at this moment. Does it mean that I don’t care about loved ones or society in general? No. It means that I stop caring or worrying if fulfilling my wants, needs, desires don’t hurt others in the process. It means stop judging those around us (not simply claiming you’re not judging) and start cherishing all the quirks and adventures in your day. That is, embrace life, live passionately, love fiercely, and forgive (yourself) easily. And, don’t give a fuck what others think in the process. 🙂

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:06pm

I will try to say this as kindly as I can. The problem with "not giving a f*ck" is that unless you are a super talented artist, you will never amount to anything and certainly will never be financially successful. You may "feel good" letting it all hang out, but you are sure to alienate a lot of people doing it. The greater challenge in life is to learn how to get your kicks while you are building a successful family or enterprise or both. You will also endear yourself to family and friends this way as well. Good luck!

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 9:37pm

    I don't understand why so many took this to mean you shouldn't ever give a f*ck about anything under any circumstance. As a woman who was always scared to read in class and grew up filed with insecurities, I don't see how this push for women to be more confident can be seen as anything but positive. It's not about not caring it's about not caring SO MUCH what other people think.

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:26am

    Hello,

    We all have a different idea of what "Amounting to anything" is and success. My definition of success is to move and be moved. To reach out to the world and have people reach right back with as much vulnerability and fire and love as I give out.

    I do let my soul hang all out, she likes it like that. She can breathe easier. Anyone who is alienated by her doing so doesn't need to hang around to listen to what she has to say. And we are all better for that. We don't have to like everyone, that's the beauty in their being a gazillion souls on this planet.

    I don't have an interest in building a successful enterprise, maybe just piles of books. I don't know if I want to have kids, but I have family I love very much so. My friends and family at present appreciate me as I am, sans enterprise or fiance. We cannot all live exactly all the same, we cannot all have the same beliefs, core goals, moral, definitions of success–that's what makes living so dang fun.

    Thanks for your voice!

    Janne

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 7:20am

      Whenever we try to go "all out" in one direction or another, we usually discover that a moderating influence is needed to make it work or you will quickly get into trouble. Likewise, in your great zeal to be your authentic self or to be liberated, you are overlooking that there is give and take in this arena as much as well. And by the way, I do not care if you have an enterprise or a business (and I like your blog), but if you or anyone decides to go in that direction, you learn quickly that it is more important to be an accommodating person than to be a wild and ferocious creature. Peace out!

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:58pm

This was beyond beautiful!!!

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:01pm

I have compassion for all the individuals above that chose to squirm and be uncomfortable by your ode to being proud of who you are, regardless of judgments or concern about what anyone thinks. I find it baffling how so many feel it is necessary to comment so negatively to words that encourage and celebrate our individuality and uniqueness as women. I say keep on stirring the souls even if it makes someone (or multiple persons) take offense. We are all just mirrors. I for one, love this, Janne. This, to me, shouts "Love yourself, just as you are, and if you do, I want your influence in my life!" Hell yea to that!!

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 7:56pm

Hmm….after years of doing the expected, being the expected, saying the expected- you understand- I stopped. My kids were all done being driven around to activities. My oldest was married. I worked a bunch of jobs to make ends meet, not because I don't have a husband, but because things happen in life that are unexpected. I stopped doing- well, I still went to work then came home and did NOTHING I was expected to do. I made a major purchase on my own without input from anyone. I started saying the truth rather than sugar coating things. I hung out with real live people that I had not had time to see for YEARS. We drank, we laughed, we swore, we celebrated. No skinnydipping though. I freeze far too easily. As expected, people in my life were livid. I won't bore you with the ugly details but every single word of criticism in this thread made my skin crawl, because those were the things I heard. I was selfish. I continued to be selfish for that year. Deliberately. Not out of anger, but out of exhaustion. I also knew there was the future- an unknown- coming down the pike and if I did not disengage from the fray and save myself I was not going to make it into that place. When the future did come at me- and it did with no mercy- I was able to pick myself up, calmly do what was needed, and recreate my life into something that I wanted, rather than one I had inherited, with all the expectations and motions inherent. Everybody came around, and now my seeming act of selfishness is seen more as a time of exploring how to be in the world that is always changing. Joy , laughter, daring, silliness, strength to ask for what you want- why are these seen as negative? If it were not for this time in my life, I would be dead from the stress and the anger – both theirs and mine. Thanks for writing this lovely piece. I really wouldn't give a f#ck about what the critics say, my sweet. PS- I am still married.

    anonymous Aug 31, 2014 8:51pm

    I love your response!

    anonymous Sep 12, 2014 12:03pm

    I so desperately needed to read what you wrote today. Thank you……….I once was fearless……..somewhere along the way I imprisoned myself… and allowed the needs of others to keep me there…….now my world Is crashing down around me………..and I can't continue to hold it up without killing myself in the process…….Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 7:29pm

BRAVA! thank you so much for your wisdom and your roar! selfish? pfft! no way! empowering? love and life affirming? absolutely! you are BEAUTIFUL! i can tell by your words. thank you! namaste

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:28am

    Thank you for roaring right beside me sister.

    I am grateful to hear your voice.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:51pm

I love the responses from men telling us what "types" of women they like–as though they think their "special order" details should be a basis for women's looks, wants, feelings. Oh just stop it with that! And the accusations of "selfish" from women! Women, please do stop telling other women that enjoying themselves and making the enjoyment of their own lives priorities is "selfish." There's nothing here that says "take everything from others and don't give back anything of value." That's the definition of selfishness. Unapologetically enjoying one's own body and life is not selfish in the least. I doubt the author was suggesting single moms should work 3 jobs while they drink whiskey all day. It seems to me she's discussing numerous traits of women she admires, and those include enjoyment of life and also being tough as hell. Please, dearies, examine for yourselves why you need to tell women to stop experiencing and expressing joy in their own bodies and their own existence.

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:52am

    Yes! You said exactly what I was just thinking. Scrolling through the comments reading all these replies from men who are chipping in their 2 cents (which is completely fine) about what kind of woman they like. Hmm…really? Is it relevant to this blog? Does anyone give a shit?
    And the original post is definitely not selfish, I think the people who think that might just not understand the depth of the post.

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:30am

    Shit yeah Lauren.

    You are so on point. Yes I was describing a handful of different women and I just have a big BRAVOOOOO to all that you said. Get out of my brain already.

    Thank you for your voice, it shines through the rest because it heard what I said.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 5:58pm

How this article represents a 'mindful' life I don't know, which is the aim of Elephant Journal. This article is sending a superficial message of seeking pleasure through instant sources such as alcohol and sex, seeking attention through nudity and screaming. Neither of these represent a mindful life. In the quiet of your sober mind, through meditation, contemplating the plights of others (yes, think about someone other than yourself), you will find your mindful space. There must be a balance of pleasure and pain in this life, some are more fortunate than others, as this author has clearly demonstrated. I thought Elephant Journal was created as an alternative to the Western message of the egocentric life, but even here it is difficult to shake. Dear author, I hope some of these commenters have opened your eyes and your heart to the possibility of giving a f*ck about others.

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 3:29pm

    How very judgmental of you! The point is, no-one else has the right to tell you how to behave (as long as you are not harming anyone else). I guess you totally missed the point…. Not surprising, but sad.

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:06pm

    Dear Mac,

    We here at elephant welcome a plethora, a diversity, a veritable cornucopia! of voices. Why? The web enables comments, such as yours, that are critical yet respectful, enabling community discussion. Let's meet in a field beyond right and wrong, and not seek to ban the ego, but rather to hug it until it relaxes. ~ Waylon

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:20am

      Dear Way,

      I didn't find this or a few other comments on this article very respectful. Critical and honest, yes. But not gentle or respectful. More yelling and throwing fists than speaking from a place that allows a voice to be heard.

      Grateful for your energy and presence here.

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 5:10pm

      Waylon—Can you please explain to me what you mean by "the field beyond right and wrong"? That sounds a lot like the Satanic worldview espoused by Aleister Crowley when he declared "Do what thou wilt." Are you suggesting that there is some redeeming value that can be attained by abandoning the concepts of right and wrong?

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 2:14am

    Hi Mac,

    Thanks for writing me. I meditate, wear clothes, speak quietly, read, and usually only drink once every six months. I also love swimming naked, it feels better than with clothes on. I do not view my nudity as sexualized, it's just my body. I LOVE whisky, I worked in a whisky bar with 180 different kinds and I love the story, the land where it grows, how it all comes together. Did you know Bruccladdich is the only whisky distillery in the Islay to employ people with physically and mentally handicapped people? I also love to use my voice. Sometimes when I jump in the ocean and its freezing at night I howl and hoot and make a ruckus, just because. I love how grounded I feel when I meditate, and how calm and grounded and how the world just feels sloooooooowwwwwww.

    I also dedicate about six months out of year, volunteer base to raise funding for a group of biologists and veterinarians who work in Latin America with communities to help with street dog over population and create sustainability. Much of my heart and energy goes to animals. I am currently coordinating a fundraiser in Vancouver this summer which has been fun and exhausting with three jobs.

    I am not sure what lead you to think I am more fortunate than others. I feel fortunate and abundant with many things in my life. This article wasn't about one women. It was not about me. I don't have kids. It was a collection of things I admire in perhaps dozens of women, and some I haven't met yet. It was for the women who walk beside me that shake my soul, and those I want beside me in the future.

    I have a heart, just like you, and its not grinch sized, just normal–I do not need to defend or explain or show you, as I can feel it beating now.

    Thank you for your voice.

    Janne

      anonymous Aug 29, 2014 12:22pm

      Janne, I am very glad that you did explain yourself anyways. Good on you for your diverse interests and desire to give back while following your passions. You could really let the response you just gave here shine through more in your writing – this is the kind of stuff for the movers and shakers. Why can't a whisky connoiseur also be a world problem solver?

      The first couple lines of your article irked me because young women are getting enough of the 'go ahead, get naked, drunk, and party message from the pervasive Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry pop-culture and with such an overwhelming amount of that already being shoved down our throats no matter how much we avoid the media its hard to escape. Also kudos to you for your work with street dogs, when I lived in Costa Rica in the 2000's it was such a sad and awful problem as I am sure it still is, particularly in Jaco they were being poisoned on the streets.

      I'm a science writer so I am used to getting really critical feedback all of the time, I guess my skin has gotten a bit thick. I'm sorry if my comments have hurt your feelings, it was not the intention. I have assumed that you are more fortunate than others because I have lived and traveled in many different countries and we have to recognize our forunate lot in life and carry this truth with us. Having access to clean water, heath services, and nutritious food puts us among the most fortunate in the world. The fact that you get to do what you love for a living, struggling or not, makes you more fortunate than many Americans in a less materialistic but important way nonetheless. Your voice has the power to reach a lot of people so in a way there is more responsibility to be mindful of the impact of your words.

      I guess I used to be more care-free like you and in some ways I miss that. Living intentionally, caring, being constantly mindful is hard work, especially in today's society. Wouldn't it be nice to not give a fuck? But it actually sounds like you do and the women you want in your life do too. As I mentioned in a previous post, there is a lot of good in what you have written, so keep going. I really hope I haven't discouraged you from writing, but have encouraged you to consider the profound impact your words may have on people. You have received a variety of feedback, so it is yours to do with what you wish and to receive this much is mostly a good sign. Even though I have found some things about the original piece questionable, you should not take it as a complete diss. Take what you want and leave the rest behind. I'll leave you with this lovely Eliot quote.

      “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

      ― George Eliot

      anonymous Oct 27, 2014 1:59pm

      I appreciate you writing this, and agree with the comment from Mac about what your article has portrayed and how it seems a bit out of alignment with how you actually live. In this world, there needs to be a balance of giving and not giving a fuck.

      all the best, and thanks for sharing your vision,
      Sarah

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 4:40pm

Quite a reaction from your readers. Personally, the combat boots and the summer cotton dress against tan legs and just a bit sheer in the correct light…there is nothing more sexy. However, I would guess that you are independently wealthy and have the leisure to live a life like you describe…and good for you. But it is tinged with copious amounts of self(ishness). If at any given moment or every moment while you are enjoying yourself you generate the selfless thought that "While I enjoy this human life in the ways that I do , may I dedicate every bit of it to those who do not have the leisure or moments available for enjoyment. May they benefit from my freedom and joy." Then I think you may find yourself really doing something positive with all that you have. Its very simple to take a moment while shopping or having sex to recognize your joy and give all of it away to others. Don't misunderstand me…certainly you are enjoying all that you have and why not? But there is the option of making it longer lasting and grander.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:39pm

    Hi Padma,

    I am not independently wealthy. I am an artist working three jobs to make all ends meet. But I'll be damned if I don't live it like I mean it.

    Nothing about my life is selfish in my eyes. Is being sexually empowered selfish? Knowing the importance of boundaries selfish? Knowing you worth, selfish? Is swearing selfish? Holding people accountable for their actions, selfish? Being a successful entrepreneur selfish? Skinny dipping and drinking whisky selfish? Being confident enough to allow chivalry selfish? Not existing solely to be a people pleaser selfish? Is throwing down what you love selfish?

    No, none of that is selfish.

    All of that DOES make an independent, empowered, roaring, brilliant women. A women who seeks what she loves unabashedly. Perhaps the women I wrote about threatened, challenged and frightened you.

    Nothing is "selfish" about being an empowered women.

    I don't really understand where you are going with the rest of your comment, so I'll stop there. Please be careful with assumptions. This was an ode made to ALL women in my life. None of it was about just one person. I am not a single parent, I do not drink wine for breakfast and only rarely do I drink coffee at midnight. This was not about me or one women, it was about dozens, and specifically the kind of company I like to keep.

    Cheers,

    Janne

      anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:55pm

      Yes…It was assumptive of me to state the independently wealthy part and frankly judgmental. Your "Fuck it all" attitude is youthful and selfish…but no more selfish than I am with all of the things I desire. So I don't see you as being alone. But you are looking for a reaction and you are getting it. You want attention too. Otherwise you wouldn't have written this. You don't understand the last part of my comment above? Regarding the offering all of your fortune for all of those less fortunate?

        anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:39pm

        Oh for goodness sakes! The writer is not ALL of the things she described, nor was she describing herself in the first place. These are traits that she admires. Jumping to the conclusion that even ADMIRING confidence and independence from afar equals selfishness, wealth and attention seeking behavior is crazy. I can't stand this era of outrage! Enough!! Not everyone has to have the same opinion as YOU!

          anonymous Aug 29, 2014 9:19am

          Julie….love the capitalization!…" I can't stand this era of outrage!"….Really?

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 1:08pm

    I escaped a southern white male dominated racist enclave in the US with no money and much willingness to live free and work towards compassionate activity. Women who make a choice to go it alone, outside of male hierarchy and dominance, regardless of income or wealth, are in for a wild ride. And anyhow, any woman can gain merit through right intent of action. She doesn't have to fit into any preconceived notions in any event. Why do people protest so much that a woman be presented as the description in the article above? One word – judgement. And three more words- male hierarchical systems that have spawned war on all women.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 4:38pm

No thanks, I’m sticking with my authentic self and agree with others here regarding the selfish ego expression that looks so cool but is a facade for subtlee anger and is probably why men back off (rather than run away) from a perceived potential nut case. As woman we have nothing to prove to anyone when we are already living with joyful authenticity. By all means have a glass of wine first thing in the morning but this is not too good for you in the long term. Even for men. Also, there’s nothing new in communicating your needs to your partner and there’s a good reason to allow a man to open a door for you ~ he is putting you first.

    anonymous Aug 29, 2014 7:29pm

    Now this is a woman who is truly comfortable with herself!

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 4:27pm

This advice is fun for young women but it's also a bit dangerous and naive to the experience of women of color or women with children. I would not encourage a single mom to get drunk and tear off her clothes, that is just a bit too much. This list should probably be aimed at a more specific target audience (middle class, white women, aged 18-30, without children), who should drink, dance, and have their fun, sexy time while wearing condoms and protecting themselves from STDs. The only single mothers out there I can imagine that don't give a funk are the ones whose children have been taken away.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 4:18pm

Ah noooo… I can’t be put in this packaging .. and I’m sure many other women reading this will feel the same way. We needn’t be anything other than our lovely enigmatic feminine selves; some days barefoot and others stilettos. Wonder if the next trend will be to have hair on our chests in which case, count me out. Nothing in the world would induce me to drink alcohol in the morning. You have to know that it’s not a good idea to tax your liver in this way. While it may appeal to some to lead an ego rebellion it’s going to take it’s toll.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 3:03pm

Unfortunately most men are intimidated by this type of woman.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:41pm

    Those aren't the kind of men I aspire to love or be around 😉

    Cheers,

    Janne

    anonymous Feb 6, 2015 11:30am

    Yes, they are. However, some of us are not. That's why I was 61 years single so that I could enjoy everyone of them that I met.

    anonymous Apr 26, 2015 3:12pm

    If this were a description of a man, women would steer away too.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 2:57pm

We are out there, but it takes a comparable man to know one when he discovers one.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:50pm

    It isn't all about the men, is it?

    Cheers sister!

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 2:47pm

How cool to read your article which so describes myself and my wild women friends only to discover at the bottom of the page that we are neighbours. Yay to BC girls who don't give a F**K!

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:42pm

    Hell Yeah! Thanks for your words.

    Love,

    A wild coaster.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 2:17pm

I am a 53 year old male who prefers to date women from 45-55. It is like pulling teeth to try to convince women that at this stage of the game it is alright to be anything and everything they want to be. Most are ruled by what their family will say or worse, what media tells them they should be. My last two dates were terrified to step out of the pain their ex-husbands inflicted on them and preferred to live there as opposed to the life of freedom and non-judgement that awaited them in the world I was trying to offer. Guess I'll have to save up my money and go to a TED conference. There seems to be grown up women there who achieve against all odds and don't give a F*ck.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 2:59pm

    Sorry you missed out. But keep trying. We are out here.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:43pm

    There are lots of grown ass women out there who are willing to be accountable for their hearts and past and step forward.

    Keep on keeping on Bill,

    Janne

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 12:59pm

    Here here. A rational man who sees the truth and voices it. Why are men afraid of women who are self-actualized? Perhaps men who fear such things just took it for granted they would always have the upper hand in any interaction with women. Men who aren't self-actualized themselves…..these guys are a dime a dozen, living off of the power structure begat by their male ancestors. These men deem that they are the heirs apparent. Sucks to be them when they meet a woman of my Bigfoot ilk.

      anonymous Sep 4, 2014 10:59am

      Maybe I'm wrong(?) but you seem to have a vile contempt for men, as you generalize them all to be these intimidated weaklings who get sunburnt by the glory of your sun. Men who happen to be in power and who are comfortable with a "traditional" power structure are content doing the heavy lifting in a relationship, literally and metaphorically. They feel good being the strong one, and women who are into that? Hey, everyone gets what they want out of the relationship. However, rarely have I encountered a self-described "strong woman" who doesn't seek a man who is on their level or greater. No way, no how, will they EVER cart around a man. Nothing is worse than starting out a relationship where the other person is trying to start a pissing war over who has accomplished more in life, especially when a majority of men are taught to derive their identity from their accomplishments-to win the rat race. That's why many (not all) men are sour (not afraid) of a strong woman. A couple of positive magnets will always repel.

    anonymous Oct 25, 2014 10:24pm

    Funny, but it took me til my 40's to let go and no longer care what others thought. Now, I do what I want and if you like it, great! If not, oh well.
    Peace,
    Kim

    anonymous Nov 23, 2014 9:41am

    Bill…and as a 59-yo woman, I prefer to date the younger man (45-55), but they seem to think I am too old, once they learn about the age. I no longer need to be convinced of my worth and have long ago embraced the freedom that I did not in my youth. So, if you care to go to a TED conference with someone who understands (though I have to save up my money, too), you have a TED date. 😉

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:50pm

This is for the women who look nothing like the photo at the top, but still have the confidence to read the article. There is a difference between self-empowerment and shall we say "self-stroking". "My ego's about to cum!" Seriously, I'm all about breaking social and gender norms but I would NOT expect a photo of an ultra-hottie in short shorts to help do that

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:45pm

    Hi,

    That is my wild, wild self (author) above. I wrote this about the kind of wild women I want around me. Some of this was about me, and some of it was about the company I aim to keep. No apologies on using an image of myself to accompany my own words. Perhaps spending some time with why the image was so offensive is worthwhile, it's just a women, like other women in this wild world.

    Best,

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:35pm

LOVE LOVE LOVE……….this.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:30pm

Combat boots and skirts…. I don't know about that one… the quick to undress and howling puts me off a little too. I prefer a little seductive discreetness in my mates, a little tact, some mystery and velvety illusions. But I'm on board with the rest!

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:46pm

    Ha,

    Good news is it doesn't have to be for you 😉 I actually wrote this for the female company I aspire to keep.

    Thanks for your words,

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 12:35pm

I love people the way they manifest and this manifestation I dream of one day but the other way around the next day, there is too much ONE-sidedness, reality is wilderness. Why this attempt to paint a perfect woman, who isn't ….. 😉
For me there is no need to be perfectly perfect, which isn't, love you the way you are ..

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:47pm

    Hi Ton,

    I have a belief that we should take the word perfect throw it out the window, and run it over a few times. Nobody mentioned perfect. This is an ode to all the wonderful, wild women in my life.

    Cheers,

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:35am

Sounds like a rebel without a cause. Or a woman who will never be satisfied and always waiting for the next best thing. A good American woman. Where the divorce rate is sky high and single moms working three jobs can barely keep their head above water and raise their children effectively and properly to deal with a sick culture that is so infatuated with itself a doctor couldn't fix it. Keep flapping that cape as you descend from a bridge or high rise cuz you can't keep up. Keep drinking that coffee and whiskey and see where it gets you. Burnt out and middle aged before you know it. This is all pretty terrible advice but that has become cool now I guess. Very PC. Bad decisions shouldn't define you. Man or woman.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 12:37pm

    Hi Johann,

    I assure you as I drink my coffee this morning I am satisfied. I assure you that as I tear my clothes off and jump in the sea and swim in the biolumisence like a fairy, I am satisfied. I assure you some moms are better off alone, divorced raising a child as a single parent– than in marriages and relationships that don't serve them. I assure you as I drink my Ardbeg this evening under the stars at my cabin, I am satisfied. I assure you that my soul is full and over flowing, and far from burnt out.

    Thank you for your words,

    Janne

      anonymous Aug 27, 2014 2:04pm

      I did also wonder about the care-free whisky drinking tendencies of the single mom working three jobs, it doesn't quite fit together. The charcter I imagine from this list is a young girl off to college, free for the first time. Unfortunately, maternal instincts do not allow us to live 'not give a f_ck* lifestyle, and if a mother is…they aren't doing it right.

        anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:49pm

        Hi Kitty,

        This wasn't about one women. In fact it was about dozens and some I don't even know personally. This was written as an ode to the women that inspire me, the women I walk beside and the women I want in the future to find my side. Some are single moms, some drink whisky, maybe some do both. I also oppose to you using the word "right", I truly don't believe that there is a "right" way to live. We all exist as we see fit.

        Thanks for your voice,

        Janne

          anonymous Sep 3, 2014 2:40pm

          Perfect response. I was thinking the same thing as I read this: this isn't one person. This is an example of the many amazing versions of women that exist….. and are free to exist.

      anonymous Aug 28, 2014 11:51pm

      perfection

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 1:15pm

    Damn straight. A good American woman who has some freedom. Dharma eccentrics are necessary. Female dharma eccentrics- rare.

    anonymous Nov 25, 2014 1:46pm

    I'm one of these women and I'm in middle age now, single and loving every second of it, running 2 different companies, with teenagers heading off to college at international schools outside of America (thank god).

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:34am

This list demonstrates qualities that Americans seem to celebrate, being loud, getting what they want, and outwardly demonstrating high levels of confidence. I find over-confidence to be a bit ego-centred and I guess that is how people characterize the American arrogance. I would think a person who doesn't give a f*ck (about what others think of them) would be characterized as being a bit more humble and one who acts with humility. Also I think its not quite feminist to depict women wearing makeup from the night before and skirts with boots as heroic. It's assigning an outfit or trend to brand a type and labeling it as sexy or something to be emulated, which defeats the purpose of leaving behind stereotypes by creating another. Also I think that women who love and make love deeply and passionately do care alot about themselves, the world, and the people in it, but that is just my two cents.

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 5:17pm

    The author didn't ascribe heroism to wearing makeup. That was just one of the qualities felt to make up a confounding, roiling, admirable whole. Why does it have to be one or the other, Mac? And why pick apart a genuine expression of love for something that perhaps you don't understand? And who needs to be labeled a "feminist" in order to care deeply about women? And who doesn't? And why do clothes make the point, when maybe it is the point reflected in choices, decided on numerous factors? Huh, Mac?

      anonymous Aug 28, 2014 7:08pm

      Your questions provide the answer, perhaps it was rhetorical? What do make-up or clothes choices have to do with being a funky, radical, awesome spirit? Nothing. I don't know why this list emphasizes a 'physical look' as in a type of dress or make up for people they want to be around. We can all go out shopping for friends based on what they wear or how much they like to party, but should we? People are not commodities and the physical features, especially those so subject to financial and social circumstances such as clothing should not be a factor to which we assign judgement. Feminist or not is probably irrelevant as you point out, but I do think the author is painting a mental picture of a bad-ass woman and she is putting it out there. The list favoured superficial qualities and not enough of the 'caped-super hero single mom-types or people who are making the world awesome types, which is what I found objectionable. I think the issue that I pointed out in a different comment was that perhaps a piece about not giving a fuck is not best set in a mindfullness journal. I didn't set out to pick apart, but to speak up for those of us looking for meaningful journalism on this site. As other commenters have picked up on the author has a good start, but its time to dig a bit deeper. I think there are several positive statements in this piece, but then there are times when it focuses too much on an physical archetypes. For example: "This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressuresFULLSTOP -> and this part isn't necessary (to exist behind a white picket fence.)." Who cares if a person lives behind a white picket fence? Maybe they are great, maybe they aren't but it you assign judgement first you will never know. All people should do what they love no matter what side of the fence they reside.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:02am

Love this! I once wrote a really short poem inspired by just such a woman:
http://joyfultohear.com/play/poems/doc/on-the-roc

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 10:35am

Bravo Janne! As a male I particularly liked that none of the list required an "other" to "fulfill" these women. I really like when a woman takes care of herself and knows her boundaries. Please keep spreading the word…

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:35am

    Boundaries are so important! I love when people can say no to be in service to themselves, it makes my soul engines crank.

    Thank you for your words John 🙂

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:29am

I'm surrounded by such amazing women, and I truly admire and cherish women like these! I wish I were more like them, more courageous, more bold, more daring, more open to expressing my Truth. I think you attract them in droves by simply being their polar opposite! 😀 <3

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:34am

    We attract who we are, we are always essentially dating ourselves. This could apply to all company we keep.

    Sounds like you have some great company. Thanks for writing me Ange 🙂

    Janne

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:27am

While a lot of the points are admirable and great traits in a person. A lot of these characteristics are selfish, lacking of self respect, and all around an immature attitude toward life, whether you are male or female. It sounds like you’re describing someone who goes out of there way to prove their individuality to everyone rather than simply confidently being themselves.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:13pm

    I can't stand people who say stuff like this is selfish. And lacking self-respect? Sounds like you don't know how to fully enjoy life, nor do you know how to offer respect and autonomy to others.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 4:22pm

    Selfish? Which ones?

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 6:59pm

    You're right Jesse Simmons, but people might hate on you for daring to say what you believe. Someone already has. "Don't dare to be yourself, don't dare to rock the boat, just read about it and nod your head yes in agreement."

      anonymous Aug 30, 2014 1:18pm

      And now that the tables have turned- how do you like being told what to agree with, how to respond, etc? Welcome to a woman's perspective mon ami.

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 10:56am

    This isn't selfish, this is empowering to women who have been held down (and in some ways still are) since the beginning of time. It isn't selfish to be a strong, independant woman who knows what she wants and how to either ask for it or work her ass off to get it on her own. I'm sorry, but people who feel it is selfish for a woman to be empowered just wants to keep a woman down, usually so they can be/feel better than her.

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 12:52pm

    Hogwash. Four degrees, multiple languages, can haul my own furniture up stairs. I have had a career in which many people have been helped internationally and domestically. I did this in lieu of having children because many others are doing that already. I have been responsible, curse like a sailor, and have loved my life thus far. Men who meet me can't believe I've done so much in my life- more than most men. I chose something other than the white picket fence. Don't you know women who make history are rarely quiet? There is more in heaven and earth than seemingly fits in your narrow philosophy…..

      anonymous Sep 9, 2014 9:43am

      Not all women are like you or the woman this list describes and that's ok. Women come in all varieties. I am quiet; I will probably not make history, but my life still has meaning and value. I have "only" one degree which I'm very proud of. I'm physically strong, but struggle with clinical depression. I have a career in science, and I don't have children, but I plan to. I go my own way, but I get more joy from making sacrifices to lift up other people in my life. Just as not all women fit the domestic, passive mold, not all of us are as bold and apparently accomplished as you, and that does not make us less empowered. Or — more likely — we're beautifully complicated with seemingly conflicting character traits. Any time you hold up an image of what a "real" or "worthwhile" woman should look like, you *still* continue to perpetuate the idea that our value is based on how well we match up with someone else's list of ideal qualities.

        anonymous Oct 27, 2014 1:42pm

        thanks, ann! my thoughts exactly. i have always been quiet, and often a pushover. it has been a challenge to overcome these traits, and i feel that this challenge has helped me to become an empowered woman through battling with myself! i will always be a bit shy and never over the top (but actually, i had a go of the "don't give a fuck" in college, did a lot of things i wouldn't have if it weren't for the whiskey, and deep down always knew that i was creating an imbalance within myself). thankfully i moved on from this lifestyle, as it was taking a terrible toll on my health and wellbeing. while i have no regrets, i now honor my quiet lifestyle and value my shy nature.

    anonymous Nov 2, 2014 1:43am

    Few if any of these points were selfish you must lead a sad life if you can't dress the way you want and ask for what you want in bed if a man is making you live like that GET OUT

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:00am

I married a woman like that!! : )

anonymous Aug 26, 2014 9:33pm

Such women are like big foot. You often hear of sightings but their existence has never been confirmed.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:34am

    funny. i've been like this for 47 years, but men seem to be mildly afraid of me . imagine that?!?

      anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:32am

      The right man will hear your roar and meet you in your fire Jacquie.

      Don't sweat the ones who can't.

      xx

      anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:08pm

      I have had MORE men tell me they don't know what to do with me. I have been told, by a couple, they do not know what to do if I do not NEED a man. I said, wouldn't you rather be WANTED? I had more than one man break up with me because they said they thought I seemed more successful than them. I really do not understand that.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:15am

    You have just met your first big foot…..and I stomp loudly and proudly! 🙂

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:18am

    Nonsense. Such a woman does exist, albeit, she is not common. She is complex, and difficult and intricate. That's part of her beauty. And I'm in love with such a woman.

      anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:33am

      We are here, like an army of ants.

      Glad we are appreciated!

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 9:22am

    if this kind of woman is a myth to you, you might want to reconsider the company you keep! <3

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:31am

    Hi Bill,

    Well, my feet are only a size seven but I can assure you all of me is indeed here, thriving in existence.

    smile,

    Janne

      anonymous Aug 28, 2014 8:57pm

      Sorry for you. They do exist. I know quite a few of them. In fact, one of them led me here,
      ' indirectly. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 11:50am

    You are not going to find big foot in a bar or on the computer 🙂

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:57pm

    My sister is this woman.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:06pm

    Total BS! I suspect you are looking in the wrong places…yes rare, but keep this in mind. Women like this/us do not sit still long. It is hard to hit a moving target. I took a few years off from work and moved to Mexico (for the experience of living in another country)…there are a LOT of women like this here.

    anonymous Aug 28, 2014 10:24am

    Sup. I'm here. I exist.

    Sorry if most men can't handle the fact that I have bigger balls than they do.

    anonymous Oct 26, 2014 8:00am

    This my favorite quote:

    "She is delightfully chaotic:
    A beautiful mess. Loving
    her is a slendid advendure"

    Steve Maraboli

    Just have to find someone willing to share the adventure and that is hard to do. Strong women scare weak men.

    anonymous Nov 5, 2014 12:46pm

    Agreed.

    anonymous Jul 18, 2015 8:03pm

    Here I am….

Dean Furlong Sep 17, 2017 7:13am

just read it wooooooo this is a beautifully written peace of art and any woman with low self essten should read it

Mark Zimmerman Sep 10, 2017 7:37pm

I do. Lol except I understand woman are criticized more for doing those same things. A lot of men expect them to be more demure.

Em We Jul 28, 2017 11:22am

Replace the word "women" with "men" , you still approve that message?

Brea Kirkham Nov 24, 2016 5:55pm

Awesome!

Sunshine Graham Oct 21, 2016 12:28pm

Beautifully written

Abdulmuneer Muneer Aug 10, 2016 11:06am

Nice