Some of mens’ deepest needs in their relationships are for approval, respect, to know that they are appreciated and that ultimately, to know they are our superheroes. Read on below to find out what really turns him on.
When a man’s needs are met, they are automatically inspired to try harder, become better partners and aim for higher levels of success, not only within their intimate relationships, but in all other areas of life too.
To understand and achieve this, we must accept that men and women are a little different.
Women can be slightly more emotional and sway more to desire love and affection and although men need these things too, they also place high value on being shown appreciation, being validated and respected. That is when they are at their best.
This is not a list of rules, nor is it to be expected that all men will feel the same way as one another. It is just an outline and guide to understand some of the things that men generally value highly within their relationships.
1. Let him protect you
However strong and independent females are, guys still have the innate desire to want to protect us. Usually the protection comes from the simplest everyday things. Allow them, because we protect them from a lot of things too—just in different ways.
Whether it’s shielding us from the rain with their coats, getting up in the night to investigate strange noises or giving that creepy guy a look that tells them to quit staring, there are countless ways they can make us feel safe. When he is in protection mode, he will feel like a super hero. He is at his most masculine, and endorphins will release to make him feel good. He and he alone wants to feel like he can fully protect—that for a man is extremely potent.
2. Seek adventure with your man
Men want a woman that they can have fun with. They want a buddy as well as a lover. Get involved with the things he enjoys; doing so will help with bonding and bringing you closer together. Take off the heels, play ball, go for a muddy woodland cycle, for dog walks, camp out, swim in a lake—adventure. Men will not care about messy hair and running mascara, as they’ll be too engrossed in the connection that’s happening to focus on anything else.
3. Be his cheerleader
Praise him, have his corner, never criticize him in front of others, compliment, be grateful, believe in him, show him that you are proud of him and stay by his side when the going gets tough. Tell him how important he is to you, how attractive he is and how he makes your world a better place.
4. Give your man space
When men have had a little space, they will bounce back stronger than before. Allow him his freedom and never resent it. Encourage him to submerge himself in his hobbies, sports and friendships. Trust him, let him pursue his passions and allow him to find the things in life that define him, other than your relationship.
5. Have sex — regularly, and with meaning
Men love sex, women love sex. Not all, but for most, the sexual side of a relationship is one of the most important parts for creating intimacy and keeping the relationship healthy and alive. Men need to feel sexy, to know that we are attracted to them physically. However, generally speaking, men don’t just love any sex, for a lot of men, they only find it fully pleasurable when they are in a committed relationship with someone they love.
They don’t want it to be a chore or something they feel is one sided—your pleasure is highly important to him. He wants to know how much you want it too. Be adventurous and explore each other. This is the one side to your partner that no one else has. Find new ways to keep it fresh and exciting: dress up, introduce fun props and find ways to give it an edge to really keep his mind thinking about you all day long.
6. Exude confidence and love yourself
Men love confident, happy, independent and secure women. It is not a man’s place to make us happy, it is our own responsibility. A relationship should complement and enhance our lives. When we are at our best, we are also at our most desirable. Love ourselves, appreciate ourselves, adore ourselves and those feelings will be mirrored back 10-fold. One of the greatest aphrodisiacs for a man is to be in the company of a self-assured, sensual woman who is comfortable in her own skin.
7. Try to retain the mystery
But not by game playing, as this will only end in the wrong kind of love or for the man to run for the hills. Be mysterious in subtle ways: surprise him occasionally, keep learning, have your own interests, let a guy know that there is a lot more to you than what meets the eye. Don’t give everything all at once. Hold back, slow down and allow your uniqueness to penetrate him subtly and over time. There is no hurry. Don’t rush love, sex or life, give yourself to him but a little at a time. Allow each part of you to absorb into him, then leave him intrigued and desiring more.
8. Feed him ah-mazing food and make shared meals a priority
We all know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and I don’t mean feed him like the dutiful wife, I mean it in a sensual way. Light candles, take time over the preparation, choose delicious ingredients and his favorite drink. Present it well, eat slowly, talk, listen, play gentle music, engage his senses, make sharing food together a bonding experience and then choose a dessert you can tease him with later.
9. Flirt, and show him how he makes you feel
By text, phone calls and when you meet—keep the sexual attraction strong by keeping tensions high with the occasional naughty or suggestive message. Let him know how he makes you feel and what his body does to yours. Flirting is fun. Enjoy how it makes you both feel and say things to make him smile that way he does when certain intentions are going through his mind.
10. Make him laugh
Laughing is contagious and not only that, it sends messages to the brain, which then releases endorphins that make us feel amazing. Laughing is good for us physiologically and psychologically. When men are questioned about traits they love in a woman, often this one is near the top of the list: a woman they can laugh with.
Relax around him, joke, play fight, lose your inhibitions, be playful together and as you do, you will be relieving stress and putting your minds and bodies in the right frame for more intimate action. The hormones will release—from the simplest smile to the gentlest laugh, it doesn’t take much for our brains to be convinced we’re in the mood for loving. We can even start by faking a half smile and instantly our brain makes the connection to get things flowing. Try it, it is probably the easiest and most enjoyable way to release pleasure.
To make a man roar and to turn him on doesn’t just mean in a sexual way. It means to fire him up, ignite his spark, fuel his zest for life and make him want and desire your mind, body and soul.
It is about spending quality, not quantity, sensual time together. Connecting, appreciating, exploring, accepting, allowing and most of all enhancing each other’s qualities and unique characteristics.
When all those things are in place, powerful feel good chemicals will release from the brain which help to bond the relationship and the sex—that will come naturally.
Relephant to this:
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Alexsandra Myles
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Michael Vaughan/Flickr
One last mindful bonus: