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January 13, 2015

I Loved You because I Hated Myself. {Poem}

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Warning: f-bombs ahead!

I notice you immediately

‘Cause you smell like reckless danger

Mixed with narcissism and whisky

And that’s my favorite scent.

 

You’re a skilled trickster

A magician

A snake charmer

And within six seconds, I’m begging you to bite me

Double-dog daring your fangs to slice into my vulnerability.

 

And so you do.

 

I say this makes me sexy and powerful, but really—

It slays me so subtly that I miss my own slow-motion death.

 

Your venom slips deep, deep, then deeper,

Making me lose my shit.

 

I breathe you in

And I lose my shit.

 

This is not love.

 

This is fucked up,

This is fucking,

But, this is not love.

 

My dark darling, you’ve burned me to the ground again.

 

We dive too deep, consumed with passionate pain

Revealing everything

Hiding everything

Hurting each other is half the fun.

 

A fierce game of Russian roulette

A relentless power struggle

My bleeding heart splits open—

But, hurting each other is half the fun.

 

My dark darling, you’ve burned me to the ground again.

 

Thrilling games like these have a price:

A thousand dollars per second

To prostitute my tender heart

To your hungry soul.

 

Within weeks, I’m sucked dry as a desert,

As your sparkling fangs scan for a new, juicy prey.

I’m exhausted and empty,

As you leave me behind, a shattered survivor of your recklessness.

 

I’m done.

 

My dark darling, I loved you because I hated myself.

 

I’m done.

 

But, I thank you for burning me down,

Because I came back from that fiery death

To fly into the fierce winds of freedom

And soar.

 

Yes, I’m learning to love myself

So I can soar.

 

Goodbye dark darling,

You’re but a terrible nightmare.

It’s my time now,

And I plan to fucking soar.

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Author: Sarah Harvey

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr

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