“Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, scenes, jealousy, envy, all the spices of fear, foreign travel, new faces, novels, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing, opium, wine.” ~ Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus.

The library was a den of sin for me.

Unbeknownst to my über strict parents, who thought my forays to the library were filled with the memorizing of encyclopedias, I was huddling in the erotica section drinking Nin’s forbidden literary nectar.

There were other authors who intrigued me, like D. H. Lawrence and Lady Chatterley’s Lover, where I first read the word c*nt (oh my!), but it was Anaïs who truly revealed to me the art of sensual seduction. And thus, my fascination with erotica blossomed into a tremulous attempt at writing it myself.

Just to be clear, I am not comparing my work to hers. I have neither her style nor her finesse, and that is good, because there should be only one of any one of us, each voice must be unique in its expression.

What neither my parents nor the nuns who ran the girls school I attended had any idea about, is that I began writing short erotica-ish stories for my friends at school. They would provide the name of a certain person they were interested in, ahem, “meeting,” and I would whip up a story or two, for their reading pleasure.

“He was now in that state of fire that she loved. She wanted to be burnt.” ~ Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus

My friends had no clue what those words meant, and neither did I, but the imagery they evoked meant something to our pubescent longing for sexual adventure and discovery. We began to imagine that man who was on fire, that woman who dared to be burnt…who would risk the pain of ecstasy.

Thinking back on that, had I been caught, it would have ended in suspension. But I think that everyone was too busy masturbating to have time to rat me out to the principal, a lovely nun who adored me anyway. (I also wrote poetry suitable to nunnery standards, which the principle had a little booklet of.) I think that my reputation with her was secure as a polite, studious young lady. Perhaps I should be sorry for peddling myself as something I was not, but adults have trouble with 16-year-olds knowing anything about the erotic arts.

Which brings me back to Anaïs. She knew a lot, I read her books. But once you’ve read something, you know it, qui?

The magic of words, and in this case, Anaïs‘ words, is that they permeate our being and at once we have experienced that which we have read. The brain does not recognize it as something we are merely drinking in with our eyes; it becomes our life, our cells absorbing every atom of the books’ essence. The written word becomes intrinsic to our soul. And now, we have been to those places, have lived those lives, have loved those lovers, and know how to seduce the next man or woman who dares to cross your black widow spider’s path.

I had no access to opium, foreign travel or wine at the time, but Anaïs brought me into her world and we lived the wild life together.

“I feel a little like the moon who took possession of you for a moment and then returned your soul to you. You should not love me. One ought not to love the moon. If you come too near me, I will hurt you.” ~ Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus

I was impressionable then and am impressionable now. Those words still move me and inspire me to write my own brand of erotica, which, I must admit, is not always as subtle or poetic as Nin’s. I have become far too enamoured with D.H. Lawrence’s use of the word c*nt. I like the sound and feel of it on my tongue (not always figuratively speaking).

I’ll leave you with another quote from the incomparable Anaïs Nin. Happy Birthday, my early teacher!

“When she closed her eyes she felt he had many hands, which touched her everywhere, and many mouths, which passed so swiftly over her, and with a wolflike sharpness, his teeth sank into her fleshiest parts. Naked now, he lay his full length over her. She enjoyed his weight on her, enjoyed being crushed under his body. She wanted him soldered to her, from mouth to feet. Shivers passed through her body.” ~ Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus

 

 

Relephant Reads:

Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller—2 Passionate Love Letters.

The Sensual & Erotic Anaïs Nin Quotes that Blow my Mind Every Time.

 

Author: Monika Carless

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo Credit: Original Artwork, M. Carless