Dear guy who finds a drunk girl,

I’ve been “the drunk girl.”

The girl who had lost a sandal in the mud, while only wearing jeans and a bra because I had to prove my self-proclaimed “tolerance” to Jack Daniels. Not a proud moment, but one I fully lived.

Recently, there have been some criticism about my choices, and the choices of other drunk girls. We are putting ourselves at risk, we are ruining our future, we are asking to be raped.

Let me make this clear: Any women or man in a situation who cannot give consent (verbally say yes) did not ask to be raped.

So, guy who finds a drunk girl, please see this as a guide of what to do when you find her.

1. You can ignore her. Yes, she is potentially missing her friends, maybe a shoe, and has eyeliner down to her cheek, but she’s not your friend. You can keep walking.

2. Help her. Find her phone. Call someone she was texting. Walk her home (but stay outside). Find her some water.

If you find the drunk girl and have any thoughts that she may “be down” for sex. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Can she verbally say “yes” and mean  it? A slurred, random, yes, giggle, or blank stare is not consent.

2. But what if she’s in a short skirt? She chose that skirt to feel confident, hot, and yes, sexy. But feeling sexy and having sex are two different things. That is not consent.

3. But what if she’s all alone and I can’t find her friends? Being alone means she’s alone. That is not consent.

4. What if we were playing strip poker, beer pong or some other game half naked earlier? She chose to play a game, not have sex. This is not consent.

5. What if she says yes, but then says stop, pushes you away or changes her mind? Then she changed her mind. Stop having sex. She’s withdrawn consent.

If, for any reason you do not adhere to these rules above and have sex with the drunk girl, then you are a rapist.

Think about that.

On the long list of things you really want to be in your life, is rapist one of them? Doctor, traveler, volunteer, rapist. Lawyer, surfer, poker player, rapist. Even if you are not caught, rapist will forever be in your description of self.

You’ll have to live with the knowledge you committed a serious, heinous and ugly crime. You’ll have to live with the fact you caused life-changing, irreproachable harm to someone else.

And no matter what you do with your life, you will always be a rapist.

So, please, don’t.

Sincerely,

~ Former Drunk Girl

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Relephant:

Dear Drunk Girl.

Author: Morgan Klabenes

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr, flickr