I didn’t expect to see you today.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised; I was bound to run into you eventually and I’ve been secretly hoping I’d see you.
You look different to how I remember, but it’s been a long time.
It feels strange seeing you again. It’s not what I expected. I thought I’d be happier.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see you; but maybe time has rosied up my glasses a bit more than I expected. I just thought it would be different.
Maybe I thought we’d run towards each other in a slow motion embrace, the sun would come out from behind the clouds and all would be right with my world again. Then again, maybe I’ve been just been watching too many movies (and eating too much popcorn) since we saw each other last.
You used to be my best friend. We did everything together. We were inseparable. Then one day you started distancing yourself from me. It wasn’t that noticeable at first. A little curve here, a belt hole or two there. But soon the changes were too big to ignore. The relationship was over and you were moving out.
At first I was sad so I tried to get you back. I offered you gifts – Atkins, Weight Watchers, juicing, exercise, even a personal trainer, anything I could think of, but you weren’t interested. Then I got angry and tried to replace you, but that didn’t work either.
Finally I gave up and took comfort in ice cream instead. The scales were my proof it was over and I knew we’d never getting back together again.
But then out of nowhere I started thinking about you. Wondering where you were, how you were and what you were doing. Wondering if you still looked as great as I remembered.
I didn’t think I had a chance after all these years, but I had to give it one last shot. For old times’ sake. For the good times we shared and for all the times we said we’d always be together. I knew I had to try.
I stopped drinking, because I know how much you hated that. My muffin top was a constant reminder of your response to alcohol.
I started eating all your favourite foods and making all the healthy meals we used to share.
I even started exercising again and ditched my nasty sugar habit. I know you always judged my love of chocolate, but I need to believe I can have you both in my life. Am I wrong? Tell me I’m not wrong.
I knew you liked what I was doing. I heard whispers you were back in town and I could feel you getting closer.
Secretly, I’d been wondering when I’d see you. I guess I knew it would be soon, but I didn’t think it’d be today. So I was really surprised to see you on the scales this morning.
At first I was really excited; you could see it on my face, hear it in my voice. But after I’d had a few minutes to take it all in, I realised it wasn’t what I expected and if I’m honest it was actually a bit of a let down.
It’s been such a long time and we’ve both changed so much. You’re still the same number but you look so different. Maybe that’s partly my fault. Maybe over time I’ve idealised you too much. Maybe I remember you being taller, firmer, fitter and more vibrant.
Maybe it’s just me.
But it’s good in a way.
Good to see you again.
Good to know that all along it was me making me happy, not you.
So thank you for coming back to visit. Thanks for showing me I don’t need you after all.
It’s been nice to remember the good times we had and how important we used to be to each other. I’ll always cherish the lovely memories we’ve shared, but I can move on now and let you go.
I don’t need you anymore and it feels fabulous to say that out loud.
I’ve realised I can be happy without you.
Besides, I’ve got a new number now, and he loves me exactly as I am.
Author: Sarah Jensen
Editor: Renée Picard
Photo: musicsthename at Flickr