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May 20, 2015

Quit Your B*tchin’—A Simple Practice for Transformation in 7 Days.

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We have the opportunity every day to become a better version of ourselves.

Self-evolution is when we take just one step forward to change our patterns and beliefs.

There is one constant in the quality of our lives: we get what we believe and what we think we deserve.

Stop complaining. Quit your b*tchin’ and dive into the feelings that are true for you. This isn’t about taking a ride on the spiritual bypass highway over things that are truly heartbreaking (like losing a loved one). The key here is the mundane, routine complaining that is largely much ado about nothing and letting the true feelings rise to the surface.

If I say I’m sad about “x” it’s not a complaint. But if I blame someone else or an external situation for my sadness, it becomes a complaint. Try not complaining and explore the subtleties of what arises.

For seven days, make the commitment not to complain. If you do end up complaining, the counter starts over. Invite your friends and family members to join in the challenge with you.

I had to start over after day one and my parents were visiting. Day two was going great when a family situation came up and I blurted out, “What was I thinking when I choose this time for the challenge? This is ridiculous.” And my Mom and I burst into laughter as I complained about the no-complaint challenge.

There’s never a “good” time to take on the challenge. But it’s always the right time.

So, I started over again. And again. I examined how I complained as a way to bond with the grumps in my life. And if I’m really honest with you, I complained as a way to assert my superiority. And I complained just for the auto-pilot heck of it.

Giving up complaint allows us to really feel our feelings. Instead of glossing over them and veering off into the terrain of b*tching and moaning, we can take the time to separate ourselves from the situation at hand and just examine it with curiosity instead of thoughtless, flippant condemnation.

When we complain, we journey into the past and into the land of unmet expectations.

“What we need to do is always lean into the future; when the world changes around you and when it changes against you—what used to be a tail wind is now a head wind—you have to lean into that and figure out what to do because complaining isn’t a strategy.” ~ Jeff Bezos

Giving up complaint creates the space for us to journey closer to the truth of what is really missing. By knowing what isn’t there, giving up complaint empowers us to see the contrast for what our soul really craves.

“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

It’s time for you to evolve without the baby blanket of complaint.

Who would you be if you gave up your attachment to complaint? How would your relationships change?

This doesn’t mean giving up critical thinking, but it does put critical thinking in its place.

“Remember, you and you alone are responsible for maintaining your energy. Give up blaming, complaining and excuse making, and keep taking action in the direction of your goals—however mundane or lofty they may be.” ~ Jack Canfield

Rising above complaint allows us to soften into the beauty of life. To the miraculous occurences that we overlook when we’re more attached to our inner-grump. You can even laugh at yourself when you’re about to invent a new struggle by connecting one erroneous thought to another. Just out of habit. Out of identity. Out of a false sense of self. Take a seven-day pause from complaint and see how the quality of your life changes.

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Make a public declaration for the sake of accountability. Here’s a sample of what I posted to facebook: I just accepted a challenge: no complaining for one week. If I complain once, the counter restarts at one. Anybody want to join me?
  2. Develop a support team. Make sure to tell your friends, family members and co-workers who you usually complain to who may or may not be on social media. They will not only be a great support and accountability system, but often they will want to join in, too.
  3. Observe your thoughts. I swear we have a complaint thermostat that’s set at a certain temperature, as if we must complain a certain amount of time. Be gentle with yourself and just observe the nature of your complaints.
  4. Explore the nuances between complaint and objectivity. Know that you can still objectively say or think for example, “the food tastes off” without emotional attachment or condemnation. This isn’t about losing objectivity.
  5. Take the emotional driver’s seat of your life. Without complaint, we can take constructive action to make things better. We play our part. Complaint takes us out of our responsibility for the condition of our life. If someone else is truly to blame, we are stuck and hopeless. Because we cannot change or control others. Giving up complaint liberates us to rise above self-imposed helplessness.

“Complainers change their complaints, but they never reduce the amount of time spent in complaining.” ~ Mason Cooley

Taking out complaint, allows for allowing. It tills the soil and plants the seeds for grace. We become receptive and available instead of closed off. Make a commitment for just seven days and see how your life flourishes.

“The end of anxiety
is a simple shift
from
WHAT IF…?
to
WHAT IS.”

~ Jeff Foster

 

Relephant: 

What Happened When I Didn’t Complain for 32 days.

 

 

Author: Kristi Kremers

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Jennifer Moo/Flickr

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