October 21, 2015

3 Ways to Go from “I’m Still Single” to “I’m in Love!”

Daniel Zedda/Flickr


*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.


If you’re a bright, attractive and eligible single person, especially in your 20s, 30s or 40s, one of the most frequently asked questions you’ll receive is, “Why are you still single?”

This may be the same question you ask yourself when you sit at home curled up in bed reading a good book or out with married friends, when you’d rather be with Mr. Right (or Miss Right).

As a single person, interested in finding a great romantic relationship, you may find yourself expressing a sentiment similar to this to a sympathetic pal: “What do I have to do to find a great guy (or gal)? I go out with friends, attend parties and socialize on the weekends. It’s not like I turn down dates with fabulous men (or women) because I’m married to my career and can’t be bothered! And, when I do finally meet someone who seems great, they are either emotionally unavailable or commitment phobic. What am I missing?”

Answer: The truth

Most single people who want a romantic partner come up with many excuses for why they haven’t found a serious love relationship. Some of them are legitimate, but most of them are attempts at rationalization.

Worse, those who’ve failed at finding a great romance often enjoy telling their woes to other single friends who will fall into agreement with them. The result is a “pity party” instead of a “let’s be honest about what’s really going on here,” party. By being more truthful about the real reasons you haven’t found Mr. Right (or Miss Right), you can take control of your life instead of playing the victim card.

If you have an open mind, please consider these reasons why you’re still single.

1. You’re looking for love in all the wrong places.

This is a big mistake. Going out with friends for dinner or stopping off at a pub or bar after work do not qualify as great environments in which to meet someone who can be your dream lover. Even going to a party where singles are, is rather hit and miss. Investing your time in these social efforts can help you operate under an illusion that you’ve really put your social life on “steroids.” And, you’re doing all that you can, but you’re just not meeting anyone you like. Nonsense. What’s worse: often these social venues bring you in contact with people who have habits you abhor (like the woman who said, “I go to bars and keep on meeting men who are big drinkers.”)

Opportunity for Change: Make a list of five activities that are fun or that would be intellectually stimulating for you to enjoy. Then, find a social, sports or professional group that does them and join that group. (Make sure the group has people of the opposite or same sex, if that’s your preference.) Here are some examples: tango dancing, ski club, political groups, wine tasting, yoga or spiritual groups or professional associations. Make your quest to find a great partner as high of a priority as it is for you to be successful in your career.

2. Your attitude may be too negative!

You can always distinguish a single person who is a victim. You’ll hear that person constantly say, “There are just no good men (or women) left. I once went to a talk on being single and the speaker said to the audience, “Where are all the good men?” Someone in the crowd replied, “They’re buried in Colma!” (a city that is known for having a large cemetery). That was a great line for a laugh, but totally untrue. Anyone who says, there are no good men or women around any more because “the good ones” are already married, hasn’t paid attention to the the U.S. Census Bureau statistics. This is the most fantastic time in history to be a single person looking for a relationship! The numbers are way in your favor.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 112 million unmarried people over age 18 in the U.S., representing nearly 50% of the adult population. That’s a lot of single people to choose from. Here’s what Dr. Justin R. Garcia, a CTRD Research Fellow with The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, at Indiana University says, “While there’s nothing wrong with being single, nearly 85% of singles either actively want or are open to being in a relationship. While most single Americans are quite happy, there is a vast majority, who are still interested in finding someone to share that happiness with. This is not surprising, as the drive for romantic love is deeply engrained in our biology.” He goes onto say, that at any given time, nearly one-third of the adult U.S. population is single. So, there is a constant turnover of people going into and coming out of relationships at all times.

Opportunity for Change: There are 112 million single people in the USA who are single. I am only looking for one of them to have a serious love relationship with me. Develop the positive attitude of a winner. Write this down on your refrigerator door: “I can’t believe how many available men (or women) there are! I’m going to find one very soon.”

3. You may be too critical. 

Most veterans of the singles life, have a similar cry, “How come it’s so hard for me to find the right guy (or gal)?” It’s time to bring realism and practicality to the affairs of your heart. If you’ve been frustrated in your attempt to find a special love relationship, you need to make an honest assessment of yourself and your attitude towards the romantic prospects you’re meeting. One question to ask yourself is: “Are you too picky and critical when it comes to selecting a potential mate?”

If your answer is yes, then it may be time to be more accepting of yourself and your own imperfections. By doing so, you’ll be more likely to not seek perfection in another person. This will allow you to make an adjustment from what may be unrealistic standards to ones that are more reasonable and attainable. You’ll suddenly open up the field of relationship possibilities and find it far easier to meet partners who are compatible and potential mates.

Opportunity for Change: Write down a list of the five most important qualities you look for in a relationship. These are ones that you absolutely must have to be happy in one. Then, write down the five qualities you don’t want in a relationship because they would make you unhappy. Be clear on which qualities you would compromise on and which ones are non-negotiable for you. By being more conscious of your needs, you’ll be less likely to choose relationships that will be unsatisfying and more likely to choose ones that could lead to a satisfying partnership.


Learn how the planets may be affecting you, and whether they may be bringing a relationship into your future – by going to FREE Transit Calculator and entering your birth date. And, if you’re curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health in: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2015-16. Or, a report on Your Love Compatibility with another person.


Relephant Reads:

5 Reasons why You haven’t Fallen in Love.

Question: “If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? (or in an Unhappy Relationship?)”

How to turn obstacles into opportunities:


Author: Larry Schwimmer

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: Daniel Zedda/Flickr and CitySkylineSouvenir/Flickr




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