There it was, smack-dab in the middle of a gut-wrenching, soul-trying, tough week:
A soft, juicy moment where my heart was so overflowing with love, it just about brought me to my knees. But it was more than that.
It was deeper than any love I’ve ever known.
It was this strong sense of being comfortable in my skin. Feeling in control of my life. Feeling fulfilled in a soul-deep, delicious way.
More than anything, I felt, for the first time ever, that I am becoming the person I always wanted to be.
Tingles spread throughout my entire body, like soft butter. For once, my insides weren’t tangled or twisted with panic or anxiety, but trusting in life, trusting in me.
My eyes misted with glorious tears of gratitude as a warm shiver travelled up my spine.
This moment smelled of rose petals and vanilla.
It felt like home.
It told me everything I needed to know.
Finally, I knew that all the pain was worth it. All the tears. All the uncertainty. All the heartbreak. All the failure.
Every goddamn sobbing struggle was worth it.
Because it led me here, to this moment, standing in a hot shower, feeling love ooze wildly from my heart.
My heart—my heart that has been so battered and broken and stepped on and taken advantage of. My heart that never dreamed of having the guts to speak her truth. My heart that never thought in million years she would stand for something real or succeed or feel remotely okay.
But, she found a single pearl of courage in a pool of teardrops, and began to rise up from the dead ashes of silence and abuse.
She’s burning now—thumping away, with passion, with imperfection, with truth.
I nestle her softly in my arms, as a single salty tear rolls down my cheek, falling onto the wet shower floor with the tiniest little splash.
This moment was profound in its simplicity. Unforgettable in its tender beauty.
Could it be that this love was inside me all along? This peace, this serenity?
It was always there.
Love was always there. Underneath the bullsh*t, the suffering, all the trials and tribulations—love was there—a single spark, just waiting to be ignited.
I was just too afraid to notice. Too afraid to set myself on fire and burn away everything I didn’t need anymore.
I was too afraid to face pain. To face love. To face myself.
But I did.
And here I am—smiling in silence, as this moment slips through my soapy fingertips. Though this moment may fade and dissolve, it won’t be forgotten. It will forever be a tiny diamond in my pocket, a reminder of the beauty woven into each of one our hearts, of the love that exists—even when we’re hurting or suffering deeply.
Don’t ever forget what’s possible.
Look to the stars.
That same light is inside you. That beauty. That magic. That wonder. It all swirls around like a spiral galaxy, deep within your heart.
You are extraordinary; meant for extraordinary things.
Remember who you really are; what you’re really here for.
Remember your truth, your mission, your juicy meaning.
Hold it close.
Come back to that feeling, because sometimes, that feeling is all we have.
It is the oil lamp that lights the way to your deepest, most delicious fulfillment; the sweet magic that keeps you going.
It is the love that brings you home.
Author: Sarah Harvey
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: unsplash/Greg Rakozy