October 21, 2015

Sitting with Heartbreak.

None of us is immune to heartbreak.

They left, or it didn’t work or we had to leave because it hurt too much. Whatever the reason, it’s hard. I miss him; I want to talk to him. I want to hug him again and look into his eyes. I want to feel his arms around me.

We’ve all heard it said: Heartbreak, like all grief, is just about time. Eventually, it won’t hurt so much. We know we will survive and go on to be happy again. But we have to wait for it.

So, what can we do to manage living with heartbreak—to sit with it—even though we are feeling messy, or even dying inside?

Most of us end up having some or many nights where we drink too much. I don’t know if this actually helps, but it is something we inevitably do. Maybe all that alcohol gives us a few moments where we don’t have to think about how bad we feel, or how much we miss our ex.

We can also find someone else to give us some solace. My father used to say, “The best way to forget someone, is in the arms of someone else.” Usually this doesn’t work, because we are not healed enough to begin something great with someone new.

We can end up feeling more empty than before.

Instead, we can try the following:

Listen to or play music.

There is a saying circulating at the moment: “Music fills time and art fills space.” Music is great for expressing feelings. Let’s pick something that matches our mood. Let music fill our days—either to absorb the sadness or just to pick us up. It’s a beautiful way to help feel and experience our emotions.

Do or don’t ring or text the Ex. It’s Okay.

When it comes to this one, I’m crazy. I tell myself I won’t contact him. I just have to let sh*t go. Then after some time, I just need to wish him well, see how he is, ask if we have done the right thing in breaking up…

I guess we have to do what’s right in our our heart. If the Ex doesn’t want contact and tells us so, we need to respect that.

Write about it.

I have a journal, which helps me to spill all my silly and experimental thoughts. I try them on like new clothes to see if that’s how I really feel. I always feel better, and this saves my beautiful, caring friends from hours of my anguish. Bless them, they still listen to plenty of my sadness and loss.

Be in Nature.

Nature replenishes me constantly. I live in a bustling city where there are art galleries and great cafes. Feeling this sad, I go and take my dog and walk amongst the old trees. There is nothing more calming and tranquil. I also love being on the beach, walking in winter and swimming in summer. It’s lovely. It always makes me feel more at peace and helps me to process what I’m feeling.

For those of us who are heartbroken right now, I promise it will pass. We need to take care of ourselves while we are waiting to feel better.

One day we will wake up and think, I don’t feel that bad today.

With each relationship, we learn about ourselves. This is the upside of feeling so bad. There will be lots of tears along the way, but I know I will laugh again eventually. There is also a part of me that believes what is coming next is going to be awesome.

Please share stories or remedies for heartbreak in the comments if you wish.


Relephant Read:

How to Heal Your Heartbreak.


Author: Paris Purcell

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Sara/Flickr


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