October 24, 2015

The Rules of Rebound Sex. {Adult}

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I used to think there were two sorts of people in the world: those who have rebound sex and those who lie about it.

It may not sound terribly romantic but for most of us who don’t find “the one” right off the bat, we are probably going to have relationships with numerous people that don’t work out and at some point be faced with the possibility of rebound sex.

The first time I ever heard of rebound sex, I was a fairly naive freshman in college. While I didn’t judge those who did it, I was pretty sure I would never be one of those people who ever considered it, much less did it.

However, I did. And it happened more than once.

My stance on it then (much like now) was that as long as all parties were consenting adults and no one was getting hurt, then go for it.

To put it crudely, sometimes the best way to get someone off your mind is to get another person on top of you.

However, that doesn’t mean that rebound sex is without it’s consequences.

Much like sex with an ex, rebound sex has some potential pitfalls, not the least of which is opening ourselves up for further pain when we’re already in a vulnerable state.

Here are a few things to keep in mind before saying yes to what we think may be a harmless roll in the hay:

Am I ready for this? 

It’s probably impossible not to think of one’s ex the first time we sleep with another person, but there is a difference between being reminded of them and not being able to stop thinking about them. If it falls into the latter, then it may be a sign that it is too soon. Therefore, you may want to do your would-be hook up a favor and stop before climbing into bed.

Your hook-up may think threesomes are hot, but this probably isn’t what they had in mind.

Is this some sort of revenge? 

This is a tough one and may require acknowledging some hard truths, but it’s important that the main motive here is not to prove to one’s ex that we are still desirable, still sexy or somehow, we “beat” them in the race to see who gets laid first post-breakup.

While it’s certainly okay and even human to feel these things, if it’s the main reason we are having rebound sex, then it probably isn’t a good reason to keep going.

Is there mutual respect present? 

Let’s be blunt here. Most rebound sex doesn’t lead to long-term or even short-term relationships. Still, at the very least there needs to be a level of mutual respect present. It took me a long time to realize it, but there are many people out there of both sexes who will sleep with people they don’t have any respect for in exchange for a good time. It’s not a good feeling in the best of circumstances but it can really feel like a kick in the stomach when we are already nursing a broken heart.

Sex can be fun, it doesn’t have to result in a relationship, but it should always be respectful.

Are there precautions in place against unwanted pregnancy and STDs? 

Yes, we all know better, but many of us—even so-called responsible adults—forget about this. Personally, I know several people who got unwanted “souvenirs” from rebound sex. While the good news is most of these things can be taken care of, who needs or wants the additional stress? As a child of the 90s, I was taught to always use a condom each time I had sex with someone whose sexual history was unknown. Frankly, I think that’s good advice. Even if your rebound sex buddy is someone you slept with in the past, you probably don’t know who else they’ve slept with in the interim. Therefore, better safe than sorry.

Sex of any sort requires the need to take responsibility and rebound sex is no different. As adults, we can decide if it is right for us. If the answer happens to be yes, then by all means go for it.

On the plus, good rebound sex done right may be just what we need to not only get our groove back but also aid us in the process of moving forward.



When Everything is Great…Except the Sex. {Adult}


Author: Kimberly Lo

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: WillVision/Flickr and B Rose/Flickr

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