“Our fathers never leave us. Ever.”
~ Brad Meltzer
There are numerous mature women who, despite their relationship with the child’s father, support and encourage a healthy relationship between child and father.
A number of scorned women are blinded by their pain, moving away from their innate characteristic as a nurturer to become a destroyer.
We have heard the stories before of women strategically using their offspring as pawns to inflict pain or extract money from the child’s father.
These mothers are unaware of the damage their razor-sharp tongues are inflicting on their child, speaking ill of the child’s father or telling the child the father does not want to see them. The child grows up feeling unwanted and neglected without reason, because the father is willing to be there for that child physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and financially.
Women who engage in such actions believe that the father is not needed.
In some cases, they grew up without a father and feel they came out okay, unaware of their own insecurities and psychological and emotional issues that derive from not receiving attention, love, or validation from their father.
This may sound sadistic but it is true—some women are jealous of the love and nurturing the father is giving their own child. Regardless of the reason for their actions the outcome is the same: devastation for the child and the father.
Despite constant media attention on men who disown their children, not much is said of the men who yearn to be with their children but are denied by a vindictive ex and a biased court system.
There is nothing more devastating than being denied access to your child. Many men have experienced unanswered calls with a dark, empty response via text or email: “she’s busy,” “he does not want to talk to you,” or silence (no response.) Especially on birthdays and holidays.
No one wants to speak about the trauma that men experience as the result of battling this guilt, anger, and worry.
No one wants to speak of the men who have to send money to their child’s mother without access to the child, nor speak of the men who go out of their way to be in a relationship with their child only to have the relationship terminated through the mother’s deceitful actions.
Cowards who flee from the responsibility of parenthood should be condemned. These deserters have made it very difficult for willing men to have a relationship with their children, even though the relationship with the mother is over.
Men, we must be proactive in our endeavors to avoid having children with women with whom we do not intend to have a committed, long-term relationship.
Those of us who have had “baby mama drama” experiences must talk to the next generation, warning them of the harsh realities of their lustful endeavors. Hopefully such warnings will result in more children growing up in a solid family structure without courts, scheduled visits, and monthly payments.
For those men suffering in silence, I recommend speaking to someone of the torment you experience so that you may come to terms with your difficult situation and experiences: the grave hurt of not knowing the well-being of your child, or the idea that the child is experiencing pain and feelings of abandonment, without knowing that the true cause of their father’s absence is orchestrated by a person who supposedly loves them.
Women, I beg you—if the father is not endangering the child, please allow that man to be a parent to his child. It is not your role to speak ill of the child’s father. Let the child grow to either want or not want to be in a relationship with his or her father without your negative influence.
It doesn’t take a village to raise a child. We need love, honor, respect and pay the highest regard for the most difficult job in the world and the equanimity to truly care and nurture the most precious human soul—a child.
Author: Linton Hinds Jr
Editor: Travis May