April 25, 2016

A Letter to my Lover: I Promise to Never Keep You.

Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/en/man-roads-forest-male-men-1150058/

“You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh


These are words that I’d like to kiss to you in person, whispered across your bare chest, under the midnight moon as my breathing falls into rhythm with yours.

They’d be said as our bodies were ripe and dewy, exhausted from the waves of pleasure that we rode, thanks to your delicious tongue and my supple hips.

Perhaps I’d trace the way your skin stretches across your lean body, murmuring “baby”—or more likely “daddy,” as it seems I always find pleasure in the way those words taste when they roll across my tongue towards you.

I know that while we may never actually begin anything, it doesn’t stop the truth from spilling over my lips, glistening in shea butter and peppermint.

I promise to never keep you.

It’s not that I don’t want you to be mine—but merely that I don’t believe that in order for that to happen, I’d ever need to own you.

I don’t ever want you to feel like I am a wrong turn you suddenly find yourself unsure how to “right” yourself from. I simply don’t ever want you to feel like you have to create an escape route from somewhere you never wanted to be.

So maybe I can love you, all the while showing you where the door is—not because I think you will use it, but only because I want you to see that it’s not ever my intention to make you stay here in this place with me.

I’d like to try to love you in a way that makes you feel more free with me than you ever did before, whether you were single or in the arms of another woman.

To love you in a way that lets you know I am not looking for you stop being who you are in order to be the man that I need.

If I had thought that we would need to change anything about ourselves in order to be together, then I would have left this space next to you long ago. I’ve done this dance before, and while I certainly don’t want to change my core values to bring a smile upon a lovers face, I also don’t want him to change anything about himself either.

Because I believe in the kind of love that doesn’t ask anything from us, but merely is there to enhance what we already have. I believe in loving you in a way that lets you know you’re always free to move on from me, if that is where your journey is directing you.

I don’t expect to be the only woman in your life, but I do hope that I will hold a place different than any other. I know that you have a past, and with that, certain people who won’t ever leave your life or your heart—and that is okay with me.

Because I am not here to keep you—that is not how I love, and it’s not how I show my appreciation for the man you are.

Maybe we are just a flash of light in an otherwise dark sky—perhaps we are just sparks from a fire that can’t help but to ignite—but regardless of that, my door is always open.

It stays open for you to come and look, if you want to see what actually may linger between your heart and mine—and more importantly, it stays open for you to leave.

Whether it’s to take care of your own life, to battle a few more ghosts or simply to just stretch your wings and fly.

The fact that I love you means that I want you to want to be with me, but never to feel like you have to. I don’t want to be another commitment you feel like you have to fulfill or an obligation to “do the right thing.”

You are amazing in your wildness, and the thing is, I know what it’s like to have that split inside. The one that craves stability and home, yet still gets pulled away at times and grows restless with too much monotony.

I understand what it means for a wild spirit to feel like it’s caged.

That is why I am simply saying that if you want to come and join me in this life for a little while—or maybe longer—I am here.  If a time comes when you feel your heart being pulled in a different direction—maybe for just a moment, or perhaps it will be indefinitely—then I understand.

I don’t know what will grow between us if we stay in one place long enough to find out, but whether we grow together or apart, I will never hold you in this place longer than you care to be.

There are a million different ways to love someone, but perhaps it all comes down to how we want to be loved. I know that I want to be loved for my quiet as much, as for my boisterousness, and I want a man who knows that regardless of how far I may stretch my own wings, there is no doubt I will return to his side each evening.

Because I truly believe that when we can finally find someone who makes us feel free, then we’ll also lose our desire to fly away—yet, even if you do, I will understand.

I know that sometimes love comes into our lives, not to last forever, but just to help direct us in a different direction—and so, if or when that time comes, then I’ll only ask that you let me kiss you goodbye as you venture off in another direction.

You may wonder about me and about what kind of woman could actually make these promises—and even more so, you may wonder if I actually mean what I say—but know that I do.

Because for me, there just isn’t any other way to love—especially when loving a man like you.




Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Pixabay

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