I have been left one too many times for the simple girl.
The simple girl is not so complicated. She doesn’t have many thoughts that she actually want to voice. She’s not so emotional and doesn’t cry when her feelings get hurt. The simple girl doesn’t have an ex-spouse or children or any potential obstacles to a happily-ever-after scenario.
But my attitude’s flipped a switch lately. It hurts like hell to be left for the simple girl, or more specifically the idea of her. But next time I’m left for her I’ll say, “Here’s your hat. What’s your hurry? If you want to go, please by all means go. There’s the door, and don’t let it hit you on your way out.”
Why? Because those of us who are complicated, intense or Intimidating are also brilliant, interesting and worth every moment of the time spent with us. And it’s no surprise that we’re not looking for ordinary or average. We want an epic love, a relationship that’s worth the time we invest, because it’s guaranteed we have intense love for others. We don’t half*ss anything, and we truly don’t want someone in our lives who isn’t fully interested in being with us.
So, as much as it hurts to be the one who keeps getting left, we’re also learning that we deserve much more than what we were offered in those relationships. We know our value, and we’re not content with less than we deserve. And the pain isn’t making us bitter. No, we’re the ones growing more confident that what we need will come to us.
And we’re not really putting up with a lot of bullsh*t otherwise. We’re quick to pay attention to the signs and to honor our intuition. And we don’t like this passive-aggressive nonsense. We won’t ghost you or act shady. Instead, we’ll respectfully tell you where we’re coming from, and then we won’t stick around to be treated poorly.
If you’re the guy reading this, who actually is looking for something real, here are a few things you should know about the complicated girl.
1. We feel things. We feel all sorts of things. We have lots of emotions, and we’ll probably tell you about them. Be a good listener, and don’t freak out when we cry. Just pass the tissues, maybe give us a hug and be there. This, too, shall pass. And we’ll respect the hell out of you if you actually express any feelings other than anger.
2. We also think about things. That’ll include you, but we’ll also think about the various aspects of life, and again, we may want to talk about them. We’ll also want to hear what you have to say, and please don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. (We see right through that!)
3. We’re going to have complications. Hell, I’m in my mid-30s. Yes, I have an ex-husband. I have two kids—toddlers of all things. I have a life that comes with some things to work around. I have to get a babysitter to go out. I don’t bring strangers around my kids or to my house (even if they’re sleeping). We all have imperfect lives, but we’re worth it. And we’re going to have to work around some of your life’s complications as well. This is how relationships work, so don’t dismiss us because we have a little baggage. We can carry it better than you’d imagine.
This is just the starter kit to having a relationship with a girl who thinks and feels and has something to say.
No, we’re not simple girls. We’ve been called complicated, intense and intimidating. We know who we are, and we know what we want. We understand our value, and we’re not willing to be with anyone who won’t cherish us exactly as we are.
And if you’re not strong enough to handle us, here’s your hat.
Author: Crystal Jackson
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock