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June 9, 2017

What it Really means if You’ve Been Ghosted, Dumped, Unfriended, or Blocked.

Human beings are wired for connection.

We want to be accepted, loved, and validated. We seek relationships with one another yet, in our current society, it can seem as though we’re doing everything possible to impede these connections.

So many of us hide behind the false security of social media, pursuing likes and followers to reassure us that we are safe, lovable, and desired. We block, hide, and unfriend people who disagree with us, banishing them from our reality without taking the time to communicate.

If our real-life, interpersonal interactions become complicated, we vanish like ghosts, because we believe that’s easier.

But, what happens when we find ourselves on the other end of the equation? For many of us, the rejection can be devastating. We feel humiliated when, for whatever reason, someone no longer wants us in his or her life. The isolation of being “ghosted,” dumped, unfriended, or blocked is painful. The sting of being shunned can last for years, but it doesn’t have to.

When we’re rejected, we want answers to try and make sense of what went wrong. We blame ourselves, and want to know what this really says about us. Does it mean that we are fatally flawed?

If you’ve been dumped by a friend or a lover, online or off, here’s what it really means:

You are lovable. There is nothing wrong with you. We are all guilty of taking rejection personally, especially when we rely on the outside validation of other people’s opinions. Someone else’s actions have nothing to do with us. What someone else thinks or does, or how they choose to treat us, is separate from us, and should not be used as confirmation for the way we feel about ourselves—good or bad. So rest assured, you’re still wonderful, worthy, real, good, and important…no matter what.

Your contract was complete. A wise healer once explained to me that every interaction we have with others—friends, family, lovers, our children—involves a contract made on the soul level. Our souls agree to help one another out with some aspect of our earthly existence. Some of the contracts last a lifetime, while others are only good for a short period of time.

The length of the contract depends on the experience we need the other person to help us through. And, every interaction, no matter how terrible it may seem in the material realm, helps evolve our spirits. I know, sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, but this belief requires faith. When people are no longer in our lives, it means the contract has been fulfilled. We must thank the other person in our hearts, wish them well even if we feel pain, and let them go.

It wasn’t a good fit. Some people just aren’t right for each other. We may never know the reason why and that has to be okay. If you start to blame yourself, please re-read the first suggestion.

Something better is waiting. I promise. Every time I didn’t get a job I wanted, every time that amazing date didn’t call me back, and every time a good friend lost touch with me, my mother would say, “Something better is coming.” She was right—every single time.

Whenever I’d find myself heartbroken, she would explain to me that my next relationship would be an improvement on the one before. “It’s because you learn a little more each time,” she said. “You figure out what to look for, what you need, so you end up making better choices without even realizing that’s what you’re doing.”

You are going to find love or companionship with someone else. It’s inevitable. It’s a numbers game. The right fit will eventually come along.

A bullet has been dodged. Go ahead and breathe a sigh of relief. When we are unfriended, it means one more dysfunctional, inconsiderate person with poor communication skills is out of our lives, and we don’t have to deal with them and their drama. They have spared us from their negative energy.

You are free. That relationship is no longer tying you down and holding you back. The possibilities are endless. You can create whatever reality you want.

It’s time to celebrate! When our feelings are hurt, we may not feel like having a party, but being sad about one thing doesn’t mean we can’t be happy about a million others. We are capable of emotional complexity. Celebrate the fact that you got through this. Give thanks for the lessons learned and the evolution that took place because of this relationship. It’s over now, and that means it’s time to get excited and enthusiastic about what life will bring us next.

We’re made to bond with others. That’s why it hurts so much when those bonds are broken. That’s a normal part of life—and it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. We can’t let our emotions about rejection defeat us.

It’s best not to take it personally.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.”  ~ Dita von Teese

 

~

Author: Victoria Fedden
Image: IMDB
Editor: Lieselle Davidson

Bonus:

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Jessica Trudell Jun 6, 2019 7:09pm

I think making statements in the absolute and slinging negativity towards someone that has to exit our life is harmful to put out there and adds to a culture that does not feel the need to take responsibility for their actions or lives.

mahalxox Jun 6, 2019 6:04pm

Really good article. I enjoyed it!

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Victoria Fedden

Victoria Fedden is a writer and a mom from South Florida. Her memoir This is Not My Beautiful Life was published June 2016 by Picador USA. She teaches college writing, and blogs on her website. Her essays and articles have appeared in Real Simple, Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Huffington Post, Redbook, Elephant Journal, Scary Mommy, Babble, and The South Florida Sun Sentinel, plus various other publications. Please visit her Facebook page for updates.