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June 6, 2017

Women: Stop F*cking Shaming Other Women for being Themselves. {Language Warning}

*Warning: Some well-deserved cursing ahead! ~ ed.

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I do not get what the big deal is about swearing.

In particular, women swearing.

Why does real in female form bother us?

Why does clarity in a woman who knows what she wants trigger us? Why do we tell women in leadership roles how to behave? Why are women in power pushed back down by their own kind?

Why is the spiritual code of conduct different for women? Why is the behavioural code of propriety different for women? Why are women expected to look the other way in the face of oppression and disrespect? And yet somehow also expected to practice an insane level of “kindness” in the face of unjust scrutiny?

There is something about women who are living in their truthiest, juiciest of truths that bothers others. Seriously bothers them. And when I see that these “others” are women, my soul fucking bleeds.

I noticed this the other day in an online community led by a woman who is crushing it at life, business, parenting, faith, and spirituality with her radical honesty. Then came the hating—she was essentially questioned about who she is and how she manages her business.

Why?

Because she wasn’t doing faith “right.”

Because she swears.

I mean, don’t faith and religion teach you not to judge and leave each to their own? Logic fail.

This person is consistent as fuck in all her messaging and social media engagement. She does not hide who she is. There is zero ambiguity about her core values or how she chooses to show up in the world, as far as I can see anyway.

As a seeker and spiritual being who often cusses, I fail to understand.

Why are women (still) shaming other women for how they show up authentically?

Why are women rampantly imposing their own personal values on other women?

Why are women morality and thought-policing other women?

Are we that removed from the universal law of sisterhood? Women are bound together. Eternally.

Hurt one. Ostracize one. Burn one. Condemn one. And we affect the collective.

Have we lost our compass and abandoned grace, kindness, and solidarity to support each other in our individual expression of this journey?

Even if that expression does not agree with our sensibilities, it behooves us to let other women speak. To let each one of us birth into our whole.

If something does not resonate with us, surely we can talk it through as adults? Or perhaps, instead of attacking someone, we can take the classy exit and peace the fuck out of that situation?

As women, we really must learn to stop adding to the collective angst, bondage, and oppression that we have all endured for centuries—and continue to endure.

Why do we put unjust pressure on women—yes, this is isolated to women more than men—to conform and be “ladylike” or risk losing connection to their femininity? That definition of femininity is so goddamn narrow, restrictive, and outdated.

As a society, we do not impose these ridiculous expectations on our men or boys. We just let them “be boys.”

We ignore. We compensate. We let it slide. We hide. We encourage it. We let them express whatever it is they need to—all in the name of: masculinity. (Sigh)

But…

Confident women
Badass women
Open-minded women
Strong women
Raw women
Independent women
Kind women
Empowered women
Authentic women
Single women
Soul-centered businesswomen
Big-hearted women
Single-parenting, powerful women
Sexually-empowered women
Goddess women
Fiery women
Feminist women
Smart women
Wild women
Spirited women

they offend us?

We are quick to throw in the gender card. The classic, patriarchal default (ingrained in both men and women) is to shake any woman who is doing life her way, with zero apologies or fucks given.

We are made to feel dirty.

Dirty for our sacred power.

Dirty for our big, compassionate hearts.

Dirty for the light we carry in our souls.

Dirty for being open, fiery, honest—not sly, sheepish, and coy.

Dirty because we do not conform.

Dirty because we do not fit into the “feminine” box.

Dirty because we are different.

I experience my share of sexism on the entrepreneurial path, too. But, why should any part of me or the world change because my path has changed? Or rather, my path has course-corrected and is now aligned as fuck to my soul’s calling.

I am who I am. And I love who I am.

I am a feminist. I am my own vibrant definition of feminine. I embrace my masculine. I heart the heck out of men: my brothers, soul mates, and soul friends. I love and support my female tribe and soul sisters.

I am spiritual, tolerant, and mindful.

And I swear.

I am more than okay with other women who swear. I’ll stand behind them as they express how much they care and unleash their rawness into the world because, God knows, we need more of their fierce power in our world right now.

I have fought with every ounce of the life inside me to preserve my me. Why should I—or any of us—change to fit in?

What’s there to change anyway? What exactly is wrong with the way I behave, or speak. Is it:

Dirty?

So what? Dirty is sexy. Dirty is hot. Dirty is messy. Dirty is alive.

Nasty?

Me? Why, thank you!

Too much?

Move the fuck along. You don’t have to be my friend, like, or even understand me.

God, this pierces my heart and I will not remain silent.

Never have. Never will.

We can be soft, and live out loud.

Fuck propriety, fuck ladylike, fuck that definition of femininity, fuck “spiritual people shouldn’t talk like that.” Fuck shaming women for being who they need to fucking be. Fuck all of that shit.

Oh, and God bless you.

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Author: Neelam Tewar
Image: Author’s Own via Tracy Baum Finkel
Editor: Khara Jade Warren

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