December 14, 2017

Soulmates: You don’t Find Them, They Find You.

The long journey to finding my true soulmate.

There was a time when I truly beloved in romance and soulmates.

I was one of these people who grew up thinking they would find their soulmate and live “happily ever after.”

Unfortunately, my dream of the “happily ever after” was shattered on more than one occasion. Finding “the one” turned out to be nothing like in the portrayal of Hollywood movies, and the concept of a soulmate seemed like a foolish fantasy.

A couple of times, when I was first in a relationship, I thought I had met “the one” as I had so much in common with that person; but somehow not everything dovetailed, and as time progressed, the relationship crumbled. I then realized that he had been inauthentic. He was just trying to fit with my life ethos and make himself appear to have things in common with me.

He was essentially living a lie with me, and I had believed it. As the relationship was fragile, it shook and tumbled down with time.

This became obvious when, during the breakdown of our long-term relationship, my ex barked: ‘’Things have always been your way, we have done everything you wanted.’’ I was not seeing things that way at all. I’d always consulted him on things he wanted to do. However, his response was always “I don’t mind,” even for the activities he was enthusiastic about. It also turned out that he hated dogs, horses, kitchenalia, and cookery books—pretty much all the things my life was filled with.

After divorce number two, I became a soulmate skeptic. As I battled through an awkward divorce with two young children in tow, I could not imagine that the “special one,” somewhere in this world, was waiting for me—until one morning when I got involved in a car accident.

The insurance provider offered to organize a courtesy car for me provided by a company I’d used before. I remembered seeing the owner of the company before and felt feeling something between us. But it was nothing like love at first sight. When I hired the courtesy vehicle this time, I met with the owner again and noticed how secure I felt with him. He later asked me out for a drink…

Today, we are married with children of our own. Since then, we have always supported and nurtured each other through the highs and lows. We don’t agree on everything. But when it comes to the most important things in life—such as our values, goals, core beliefs, and priorities—we are on the same page.

My fairytale ending wasn’t quite what I expected when I walked down the aisle the first time at the tender age of 20—but having kissed a frog or two I knew when I’d met my prince.

There is no doubt that my current and third husband is my soulmate. Today, I can even say that my faith in soulmates is restored. And I’m not alone in this: a U.S. poll released earlier this year showed that 74 percent of men and 71 percent of women believe they are destined to find their soulmate.

It is easy to be skeptical of the concept of a “soulmate”—perhaps it is simply a romantic way of describing an intense physical attraction—I don’t believe finding ours is purely up to fate. I believe we each have a hand in making it happen ourselves.

I have also reflected quite a lot on a video I watched in which a young reporter asked a Tantric Master if soulmates existed and how to find one.

His response was simple: ‘’You don’t find them, they find you.”

Funnily enough, I found that to be true; I had no idea I would find a soulmate until fate threw us together.

In this video, Mal Weeraratne talks about how, when you meet your soulmate, you become connected through your chakras. This starts with the crown chakra—the spiritual chakra. The next stage is to see each other—just seeing and not touching; then follows communication—talking and verbally sharing and connecting at the throat chakra level.

Mal tells further that “if you talk long enough, you will open your heart chakra and will feel love for each other and only when you feel that love will you have a deeper connection in the heart chakra.”

This is when you start to become intimate. Intimacy starts in the sacral chakra. Mal explains that such intimacy translates through touching, kissing, and experiencing physical contact without having sex. He explains that “only when you feel comfortable in this intimacy should you make love.” Finally, Mal reveals that the last chakra is opened if all the other chakras are opened, and when this happens, all the elements of the relationship are good. This is when a couple decides to settle down and live together.

When I met my soulmate, Rob, there was an instant connection between us. We both had heavy work commitments and I already had children. So we snatched time together, talked, and went for walks.

I can recall walking around a park in the middle of winter in the wind and rain, just talking. I could have spent forever walking around a windy parkland in Rob’s company. I connected with him and just wanted to be in his presence.

In the early days, we had a series of dates during which we just sat looking at each other, talking and holding hands. We got married within seven months of meeting each other, and I never felt that we were rushing anything. We didn’t speed up any of the stages of the connection that Mal talks about in his video and I didn’t consciously go through the process.

What I did consciously—before meeting my soulmate—was to reflect upon myself. And I realized that my story, so far, wasn’t me. I understood that my past was more “who I was with” than “who I wanted to be.”

Instead, I had begun reflecting on who I wanted to be rather than who I wanted to be with. This shift, I believe, was fundamental to help me find a soulmate.

Deepak Chopra describes as a starting point in finding a soulmate when you ask yourself: ‘’What kind of person do I want to be?” and adds: “When you adopt the qualities of the person you want to be, a soulmate will show up to reflect those qualities. Because every relationship is a mirror and if you don’t like what you see in the mirror you need to change the reflection by changing yourself.” 

I have no rose tinted glasses on; instead, I enjoy my relationship warts and all, because the bond between us is stronger than anything I have encountered before.

How to recognize your soulmate: 

I believe you should nurture yourself—and spend time getting to know yourself—before finding a soulmate. I also believe you’ll recognize when you meet your soulmate if one of the following happens:

1. The feeling is strong, almost painful.

For me, the emotions were so strong that they frightened me. I couldn’t rationalize why I felt so painfully in love and deeply connected to someone in such a short space of time.

2. There is a sense of inner knowing.

It is less of a physical love at first sight and more of a deep, inner knowing. There is a sense of closeness, comfort, and intimacy from the onset.

3. Mutual respect is shown.

There is an acceptance of one another. I never had any desire to change Rob. He was never critical of me, and even when we disagree, we maintain respect for each other. I aim to be the best, most supportive partner I can be and I know the same to be true of him.

4. Home is wherever your soulmate is.

Our house was not perfect; when I was pregnant, Rob and I and two children were all crammed together into a tiny cottage. The cottage was so small but it didn’t matter because it was home—and home is wherever my soulmate is.

5. You are best friends.

When you meet your soulmate, in my experience, you also meet your best friend. You “get” each other on a deeper level than you usually experience. You also share a common sense of humor and you are on the same page.

6. You challenge each other.

Your ideal partner will not only admire you for all you have done but will also open your eyes to all you can do. There is no competition between the two of you. Instead, there is a unique combination of challenge, encouragement, and support—which becomes a catalyst for support.

7. You can be apart but prefer being together.

Soulmates are able to strike the right balance between the time they spend together and the time they spend apart. They trust each other and still feel close when they are doing separate things instead of being consumed with jealousy or anxiety.

8. You are comfortable being authentic.

One of the most satisfying things about being with a soulmate is that there is no pretense—you can relax and be authentic.

7 Steps to encountering your soulmate.

To attract your soulmate, follow these seven steps based on The Law of Attraction. I hope you find them beneficial for personal growth and soulmate catching.

1. Accept the past.

You are not your past story. Instead, imagine how you want to shape your future life.

2. Focus on what you want.

Stop focusing on what you don’t want. Be positively clear about what you want from your life and a relationship.

3. Dream it.

It might sound silly, but I found that getting lost in daydreaming activities helps me envision my goals. If you want another job or a new partner, picture it in your mind. The universe will listen to you.

4. Fall in love with yourself.

It is a simple rule, but one I overlooked for years. The truth is you can’t expect someone to fall in love with you if you are not in love with yourself. I remember that I was my own worst critic. I struggled with practicing self-love and found that the easiest way to do it was to list the positive things about me. I then used these things as positive affirmations every day. If I found something I didn’t like, I made a conscious decision to change it. The more you focus on what you love about yourself, the more self-love you will experience and the more others will fall in love with you.

5. Say no to the ‘green-eyed’ monster.

It is natural to feel jealous when we see someone happy with what we want. But jealousy is a negative emotion and it will actually keep love and positive things away from you. If you see happy people all around you in loving relationships, instead of feeling glum, admit that positive things happen to people and wait for your turn.

6. Keep faith and don’t give up.

From my research, the number one reason that may hamper the Law of Attraction is that people give up before what they want has arrived. I always picture the Law of Attraction like ordering something online. Once you place the order, you have to be patient whilst waiting for its arrival.  Be mindful of negativity, don’t give up, and be patient. Remember that “walking the spiritual path properly is a very subtle process.”

7. Enjoy yourself and live the life you want

Don’t wait for love to find you to start living your life. I found my soulmate once I’d decided to enjoy life on my own. Remember that you attract what you are. For example, if you desire a partner who is active and likes to visit new places, you better start traveling and getting out of the house.

I hope that you find these tips useful and that you will find a soulmate to live a positive and happy life with.

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