We run into the most resistance when we believe that life should be fair.
This belief is the biggest obstacle to meeting our greatest potential.
When we believe that things are supposed to be fair, then we grow bitter and resentful when they aren’t fair. We are told when we were children about fairness, right and wrong, how the good guy always wins, and all of that crap. This gives us the false expectation that things are supposed to work out for us—and because of this false expectation we act like children when we don’t get what we want.
The world doesn’t owe us anything.
Fairness is a lie. Nothing is ever fair. There are going to be people who are stronger than you. There are going to be people who are smarter than you. There are going to be people who are better looking than you. And, there are going to be people who are just better at life than you—and boy, that is a tough pill to swallow.
We all suffer in our own ways. We all have our own set of difficulties that are unique to our experience. Some situations are worse than others. Some situations are a thousand times worse than others. There is no clear-cut way to iron this out, and a call for absolute fairness is most certainly not the way to do so.
So, nothing is fair—where does that leave us?
That leaves us dealing with our own situation as individuals. If we think about fairness, it means we are thinking about ourselves in relation to other people.
This is dumb.
Nothing good comes out of endlessly comparing ourselves with others. They are not us, okay? They have their own problems, their own biases, and their own privileges. It doesn’t f*cking matter if they have some underlying advantage that we don’t have. The only thing we can do is live our lives—in and of ourselves, for and by ourselves.
When a problem comes up in our lives, the worst thing we can do is immediately think of how other people are not dealing with this problem or how unfair this all is. It doesn’t help us—and when real problems come up in life, we must help ourselves.
I have had a severe chronic illness for the past five years. It sucks. Other people can’t relate to me. That sucks too. I don’t get the empathy and support that I need. It f*cking sucks, but I can’t dwell on any of that or I am going to go insane.
The only thing I can really do is deal with my issues as they come, with a deep knowledge that my path is unique and my life is meaningful. I may recover from my illness and go on to be a massive success. I may never get better and die tragically in the gutter. I have no control over this, other than being a goddamn spiritual warrior and doing the best I can in spite of it all, while never losing hope and never getting bitter about the advantages that other people have.
I think we should all do the same.
Author: Samuel Kronen
Image: Unsplash/Ayo Ogunseinde
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy Editor: Khara-Jade Warren