“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” ~ Rumi
It’s difficult to maintain our spiritual practice when we’re in the midst of turmoil.
However, sometimes turmoil is our chance to deepen our practice. When we go through a breakup, we’re inclined to retire into our shells and sink further down. We might also retreat from any activity or practice that we maintained before the heartbreak.
We’ve all been there. We all know that cutting the cord with the person we love automatically cuts an integral cord within ourselves. But, while we struggle to find a way out of the chaos, the chaos can assist us in opening our hearts and minds.
Though breakups are not favorable, they’re our opportunity to look inward and turn a dismal experience into personal growth.
Here’s how we can begin:
1. Confronting the pain.
Experiencing feelings of turmoil is inevitable during a breakup. We usually try to escape the pain—mask it or fight it. While this might be our habitual way to deal with what’s arduous, sitting with our emotions will have a more rewarding result. When we observe the emotions that arise within us—without any judgment or resistance—we automatically release them.
2. Unconditional self-love.
This is your chance to take care of yourself and strengthen the relationship you have with “you.” Breakups have the tendency to lower our self-esteem, increase our guilt trips, or highlight our shortcomings. However, this is the time to love yourself just the way you are—and be patient with yourself as you work through what you think needs improvement.
Breakups are a wonderful opportunity to practice acceptance. We are prone to defy life when it throws unexpected outcomes at us. But sometimes, those unexpected outcomes force us to accept the events that are unfolding at this moment. After a whole lot of struggle and fighting against life’s wishes, we find ourselves surrendering to what is coming next.
The ugly side of breakups is the inability to forgive ourselves or others for what has transpired. Oftentimes, we move on and still wear the grudge like a necklace we refuse to take off. No matter how far we go or how successful we become, resentment will never bring us comfort and peace. To forgive, understand that you (or that other person) didn’t know better at the time. Know that the things we believe “shouldn’t happen” are actually happening at the exact right time in our lives.
5. Taking responsibility.
Owning up to our mistakes might be challenging, because we don’t like to think we committed them to begin with. But, when it comes to breakups, it is never entirely the other person’s fault. We always play a role in the sinking of the relation “ship”—even if it’s just one percent. Taking responsibility for our own actions, reactions, and speech is liberating, and it teaches us to do better next time.
6. Unconditional happiness.
Our happiness is almost constantly dependent on external sources. When we’re in a relationship, our partner becomes an imperative part of the perpetuity of our happiness. We only realize the significance of their presence when they become absent. So, instead of longing to bring back the source of our joy, this is our chance to find it within.
7. Transcending love.
Going separate ways with the one we love is certainly not our wish, but sometimes it forces itself upon us. Learning to love someone while with we’re with them is already tough, but how about learning to love them when we’re without them? With time and patience, we realize that love transcends through absence. It is no longer bound by expectations and doubts. It becomes unconditional, and experiencing it allows us to awaken on a deeper level.
Author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Unsplash/Raj Eiamworakul
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy editor: Kenni Linden