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December 15, 2018

The Moment I Handed Myself Over to God ~ Living as The Priestess in the Modern World

I laid hunched over my bed throwing up in the waste paper basket beside my bed that was overflowing with tissues. Thirty kilograms lighter, frail and exhausted, my husband scooped me up out of bed, undressed me and placed me on a stool in the shower. As I sat there heaving some more, the warm water trickling over my head and down my back, I had a moment of stillness, clarity, as I whispered to God, “I can’t go on, I am exhausted, I now hand myself over to you to do whatever it is you wish to do, take me, leave me, heal me….. whatever my destiny is meant to be, I am now in your hands”. As my husband was placing me back in bed, I looked at him and said the same thing, “I can’t go on, I am handing myself over”. Angrily he said “I am not done with you” and so it seems neither was God.

Everything changed from that moment, there was no more fighting, only surrender and trusting that God had a plan. After months of healing and just being still, in mind, body and soul, I began to get stronger and stronger. I came across a course that literally jumped out at me and tapped me on the shoulder and I knew with every fibre of my being that this was the journey I was to take. This was my next step as God whispered to me, “it is time to rise and be the spiritual leader you have always meant to be”. So began my 12 month journey as a Third Level Priestess with the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence®.

I am now getting ready to exit the temple and as I do, I reflect on the past 12 months as being the The Priestess in this modern world. The Priestess is multidimensional, she is able to live in both worlds of the 5D realm of Intuition, her all-knowing powerful self and the 3D physical world of reality however this has been my SELF mastery on this journey as becoming the Priestess, living in both worlds’ as one. Being in my true nature is not what scares me in fact I prefer to be in the all-knowing power of who I am, my true state of being which is Unlimited Divine Consciousness, it is the physical reality I find hard to be in a congruent state with. This is why my body completely shut down last year and had a “Mystery Illness” where I couldn’t eat, could not function, my whole digestive system shut down and I withered away to nothing. This was my wake-up call to step into my power in the physical realm, to know that my body is my temple and without it I cannot be here physically to make a difference to humanity. To release the fear around this, the past 12 months has been a deep unrelenting dive into the depth of my being and meeting my wounds and fears head on so I could move past my stories and limiting beliefs that have held me small and limited for so long. It has been a dance of unveiling and stripping away of who I thought I was and how I had to show up in this world to become the person I am meant to be. To know that it is safe for me to live in 3D reality in my true state of being. To love and nurture my physical temple so I can show up as the full expression of who I came here to be.

Being in Bali on retreat was magical and blissful, it was when I had to step back into reality, the hustle and bustle of society, back to the kids and mundane chores around the house that bought me out of my comfort zone and crashing to my knees as I tried desperately to integrate both worlds into one. It’s about showing up to my daily practices, non-negotiable and unapologetically as the Priestess while being a wife and mother to two gorgeous children and a fur baby. My expectations of how I thought I should be showing up in the world as the Priestess was high and overwhelming however what I have learnt is that showing up to my devotion to god are in stolen moments between cooking dinner, serving clients and looking after the kids.

It’s about looking at things from a different perspective and seeing and feeling the joy in every moment including washing the dishes or taking the clothes off the line as this is an act of service, it is a form of meditation and a great time to immerse myself in song, dance and chanting as I blissfully go about my chores. Stepping into The Priestess has bought this all into a more coherent state for me as previously it would be so overwhelming that I wouldn’t do anything. With continuous daily practice it will become more graceful, more simplistic and my way of life, my new way of being as The Priestess in the modern world.

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Karen Barnwell  |  Contribution: 870