December 27, 2018

Why We Must Heal Ourselves First—Before We Become Healers, Teachers or Mentors.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Elephant Journal (@elephantjournal) on Sep 21, 2018 at 6:01pm PDT

There are many times when I’ve walked out of a one on one session to overcome my mental and emotional pain, and I would feel a deep frustration in my body from doubting the person sitting in front of me.

Frustration, because I knew the person sitting in front of me was a wounded healer, not the healed healer, mentor, coach, teacher, or leader she had made herself out to be.

How did I know?

I could feel her wounds in my body.

Plus, as sessions went on, the wounded healer, mentor, teacher or leader could not take me further than I was, because they hadn’t reached that level in their own consciousness.

They had not overcome what they were trying to help me overcome.

They were still wounded.

After this occurred many times, after thousands of dollars down the drain, I realised that many wounded healers, mentors, teachers, and leaders are pretending to be someone they’re not.

And the self-help industry and spiritual community have taught us to promote ourselves as experts—when we have not done the groundwork.

And the truth is, even if you were a medical doctor who has gone to medical school for seven years, if you have not overcome what I need help with, I don’t want your help.

If you’re teaching theories to the world but you’re not practising them in your daily life, then I don’t want your help.

You are not a vibrational match for me to heal.

These are hard questions to ask yourself, but it will give you great insight into your healing journey:

Are you the wounded child who is a healer, mentor, teacher, or leader trying to be of service to the world?

Are you still in deep pain and suffering while forcing yourself to portray a lie to the world?

If you are, then my message today is do the right thing and take time out for yourself to do your own inner work.

Release the wounds that need to be released, process what needs to be processed, and free yourself so you can be of service to the greater good of all.

Here is what you can do to move from the wounded child to the magnificent healer, mentor, coach, teacher, or leader you truly are.

Welcome the darkness and sit in the fire of your pain.

Do the inner work.

Release everything that is blocking you from being that transformation you want to teach.

Once you liberate yourself, embody the transformation you have overcome. Live what you teach. Be an example to your tribe. Don’t just teach something because you learned it in a book, in a course, or from your teacher.

And most importantly, don’t teach what you need to learn. It is unethical, and too many are doing this.

In my opinion, one is a true healer, mentor, teacher, or leader when your whole life is evidence of what you are teaching.

Until I see that what you are teaching is your reality, I don’t believe what you are teaching. Would you agree?

Well, you may be wondering, why am I talking about this?

Because I have been on the side when the wounded child has tried to heal me, and it failed—and I have been the wounded child trying to heal those who need healing.

And this has to stop if we want to make the world a better place.

When I realised I was doing this, I took a step back and entered my own “mystics cave” and subconscious basement. Over the past five years, I started to learn how I could become my own quantum alchemist and break free from my own wounded child. I dedicated most days and nights to doing the inner work I needed to break free. And I still do it today. And let me tell you, my business did not succeed during this time no matter how much money I spent on marketing. I was out of alignment.

So ask your self these questions.

Is your wounded child being triggered when you serve?

Do you have the structure in your body to be a great healer, coach, mentor, teacher, or leader?

If yes, then keep serving your people because the world needs your medicine.

If no, take the pressure off your self and heal that wounded child.

And trust me, you will be ready one day. And when you are, you will be able to feel the transformation you teach in every single layer of your cellular memory.

You will be the embodiment of what of you teach. And this is what the world needs more of.

Not superficial leaders.

So please, do the work to free yourself from your own mental and emotional pain in whatever way works for you, and heal that wounded child.

Because the truth is, the world needs great healers, mentors, teachers, and leaders—not more wounded children healing wounded children.




author: Francesca Fedele

Image: Niklas Hamann / Unsplash

Editor: Julie Balsiger

You must be logged in to post a comment. Create an account.

Mayka May 11, 2019 4:21am

Thank you for expressing these profound experience!I fully agree as this phenomenon occurs in every holistic/spiritual community. More preachers than true teachers, it is unethical and dangerous. May we all live from the space of the heart, no matter what role we play, and come back to our Selves first. Honesty is what can heal the world. Blessings!

t.conway117 Apr 29, 2019 1:04am

Holy synchronicity, Batman! Lol, idk if that’s a thing- but your words here are so juicy to me! So real- I ate them up!
So many times I compare my life to my peers- the past ten years while people were gaining tangible success I’ve been at sort of a standstill..
Not at all though. I’ve been healing. Some really nasty traumas that I needed to dive deep to uncover- that I’d be useless to the world until I had.
“Welcome to the darkness and sit in the fire of your pain”
This is brilliant, and original. Thank you!

elzblack Apr 25, 2019 3:23pm

Every human being is on a continuum of evolution. Even when we reach points of being healed we will turn a corner and have more work to do. There are probably less than ten human beings alive that could meet this standard.

All of that aside, I’m sorry you’ve had a painful experience. I do agree that we should teach only in areas we’ve done slot of work…perhaps refer people in areas where we are still in early stages of learning.

Still, if the intuitive and spiritual healers of the world all wait to be the Dali Lama before mentoring we will all miss so much of value!

The pain that comes through your writing has my attention. The part I feel connected to in this is a reminder to healers that it is a tremendous responsibility when you work with clients and a reminder to check the energetic match and be sure you are working in areas where you have something offer.

Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.

francesca fedele

I am an Intuitive Guide and Transformational Alchemist for the Dark Night of the Soul. I help people navigate the dark (usually disguised as mental illness) so they stop feeling crazy so they can find their true self.