Why We Must Heal Ourselves First—Before We Become Healers, Teachers or Mentors.


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A post shared by Elephant Journal (@elephantjournal) on Sep 21, 2018 at 6:01pm PDT

There are many times when I’ve walked out of a one on one session to overcome my mental and emotional pain, and I would feel a deep frustration in my body from doubting the person sitting in front of me.

Frustration, because I knew the person sitting in front of me was a wounded healer, not the healed healer, mentor, coach, teacher, or leader she had made herself out to be.

How did I know?

I could feel her wounds in my body.

Plus, as sessions went on, the wounded healer, mentor, teacher or leader could not take me further than I was, because they hadn’t reached that level in their own consciousness.

They had not overcome what they were trying to help me overcome.

They were still wounded.

After this occurred many times, after thousands of dollars down the drain, I realised that many wounded healers, mentors, teachers, and leaders are pretending to be someone they’re not.

And the self-help industry and spiritual community have taught us to promote ourselves as experts—when we have not done the groundwork.

And the truth is, even if you were a medical doctor who has gone to medical school for seven years, if you have not overcome what I need help with, I don’t want your help.

If you’re teaching theories to the world but you’re not practising them in your daily life, then I don’t want your help.

You are not a vibrational match for me to heal.

These are hard questions to ask yourself, but it will give you great insight into your healing journey:

Are you the wounded child who is a healer, mentor, teacher, or leader trying to be of service to the world?

Are you still in deep pain and suffering while forcing yourself to portray a lie to the world?

If you are, then my message today is do the right thing and take time out for yourself to do your own inner work.

Release the wounds that need to be released, process what needs to be processed, and free yourself so you can be of service to the greater good of all.

Here is what you can do to move from the wounded child to the magnificent healer, mentor, coach, teacher, or leader you truly are.

Welcome the darkness and sit in the fire of your pain.

Do the inner work.

Release everything that is blocking you from being that transformation you want to teach.

Once you liberate yourself, embody the transformation you have overcome. Live what you teach. Be an example to your tribe. Don’t just teach something because you learned it in a book, in a course, or from your teacher.

And most importantly, don’t teach what you need to learn. It is unethical, and too many are doing this.

In my opinion, one is a true healer, mentor, teacher, or leader when your whole life is evidence of what you are teaching.

Until I see that what you are teaching is your reality, I don’t believe what you are teaching. Would you agree?

Well, you may be wondering, why am I talking about this?

Because I have been on the side when the wounded child has tried to heal me, and it failed—and I have been the wounded child trying to heal those who need healing.

And this has to stop if we want to make the world a better place.

When I realised I was doing this, I took a step back and entered my own “mystics cave” and subconscious basement. Over the past five years, I started to learn how I could become my own quantum alchemist and break free from my own wounded child. I dedicated most days and nights to doing the inner work I needed to break free. And I still do it today. And let me tell you, my business did not succeed during this time no matter how much money I spent on marketing. I was out of alignment.

So ask your self these questions.

Is your wounded child being triggered when you serve?

Do you have the structure in your body to be a great healer, coach, mentor, teacher, or leader?

If yes, then keep serving your people because the world needs your medicine.

If no, take the pressure off your self and heal that wounded child.

And trust me, you will be ready one day. And when you are, you will be able to feel the transformation you teach in every single layer of your cellular memory.

You will be the embodiment of what of you teach. And this is what the world needs more of.

Not superficial leaders.

So please, do the work to free yourself from your own mental and emotional pain in whatever way works for you, and heal that wounded child.

Because the truth is, the world needs great healers, mentors, teachers, and leaders—not more wounded children healing wounded children.




author: Francesca Fedele

Image: Niklas Hamann / Unsplash

Editor: Julie Balsiger


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jrhodes519 Feb 12, 2019 3:56pm

I found this article incredibly judgmental. Rather than come from a place of curiosity and compassion, it suggests that those in a helping profession are maliciously intending to hurt others. Most are not and are simply unaware. The piece that’s missing is the recognition of giving up your own power to someone else and looking for healing rather than seeking the right relationship. It will not matter if you heed the signs and choose a healer or therapist who is the right relationship for you. The lesson is to trust yourself, choose the right people and respect where others are on their journey. We may not always like what people have to say but I can tell you wise teachers show up everywhere if you are willing to listen. This is how I found my energy healer but I still have relationships with other professionals – even if I believe I’ve outgrown them. No one has ever maliciously intended to do harm or acted in an unethical manner – they simply may not have been awake enough. That’s not something we should judge.

cumulus Jan 6, 2019 7:36am

What sort of sessions were those that you left, Francesca? I’m interested if the healers had formal training and qualifications, as a psychotherapist in training. Equal weighting is given in my training to personal development, skills and and theory, I accept that informal/ metaphysical therapy perhaps doesn’t have the same onus on self discovery for the practitioner. Thank you.

kellywatts68 Jan 4, 2019 10:09pm

I totally agree. I am an impathic intuitive on a spiritual path and I see so many who purport to be experts who have not done their inner work. While I don’t know if they are necessarily aware of their limitations, it is very apparent to those who know better.
I would go even further and encourage everyone to do their own inner work 🙂

Lesley Worsman Jan 1, 2019 9:17pm

please edit the 1st paragraph. and while I totally agree with the overall message.. I don’t think these people who were trying to help you were “pretending.”

amandafoy.est Dec 30, 2018 9:20pm

I am about to celebrate my 10th year of being as a professional energy healer and agree with you 100%. In my community, I am very honest when I am going through my own stuff, and I use it as a case study. I use my own teachings on myself and report how things are going. I teach about the emotional immune system. This year I found out I had high blood pressure. At first I didn’t know what I was dealing with, then I got to the bottom of it. Fear fear fear. I had a number of my peeps comment to me how glad they were knowing I wasn’t above having issues.

I think a healer can still have issues, you just have to be honest about where they are at and also have the capacity to be able to say at any part of the process when you don’t know what’s going on, if you don’t. I knew mine was emotional, but it took a bit of time before I peeled enough layers and then Speedy Gonzales showed up and I’m good to go with no HBP anymore. ❤

My point is we are all human, we are all going to have things show up, don’t hide from them in your healing work. ❤

    Esin Pinarli Jan 11, 2019 7:25pm

    Though I think that your piece was insightful and thought provoking, I don’t know how we can stop life from happening and getting wounded and healing along the way. It is pretty universal to struggle with some kind of emotional pain during our lives, often multiple times. I am a psychotherapist and specialize in addiction among many other things. I am also sober over 9 years and what I know is that addiction always has underlying issues such as,anxiety, depression, trauma, bipolar and other unresolved issues. I am not perfectly healed from issues that I have had but I continue to work at it and help others along the way, which actually helps me. Though I think all healers need to do their own work, I don’t know if there is ever a moment of “arriving” at a healed destination as we are works in progress. I hope that my Clients can relate to me in a way that makes me human and that I don’t always have it all together. I will continue to work on myself and heal but I don’t know if that needs to be a prerequisite to help others heal.some of the best soccer coaches in the world cannot play half as good as their players that they couch and mentor but that doesn’t stop them from helping them ‘get the gold” so to speak.

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francesca fedele

>> If you need help breaking free from the bondage of your wounded child so you can be in alignment with your truth and serve humanity with your gifts, I would love to invite you to take part on a healing journey with me in 2019.

A journey where we will transmute your wounds and free your self using quantum transformation and energy medicine. It is the mystical pathway to freedom.

On this healing journey, I will take you through the steps I took to break free from my wounded child.

Be the embodiment of what you teach.


Contact me to have a chat: [email protected]