Over the past week, things have been pretty slow. I’ve done a lot of sleeping in, lounging on the couch, sipping coffee, laughing at silly episodes of Friends (a show I recently discovered to be a great, lighthearted distraction*), scrolling my Instagram feed, and wondering, “What am I doing with my life?”

I get this way when things slow down. Most days I go from noise-filled days teaching eager elementary students, to sitting through after-school meetings with fellow teachers, to briefly stopping at home to change and grab a quick sip of coffee (everyone should try a sip of pick-me-up in the afternoon) and finally, to the Crossfit gym, a place profuse with chatter, laughter, and loud music only intermittently interrupted by the clanking sound of the barbell crashing to the ground. It seems that if life is moving at a fast pace, then at least it is moving. At least the train is on the tracks. But when the train slows, and the screech of the wheels diminishes, you start to wonder, what is the destination of this train?

My biggest fear has always been not living my life to its fullest potential. Which, I’ve noticed, has influenced me to “try on” many different versions of myself. It has created this fear that if I stick to one thing for too long, I’ll get to the end of my life, and think, “I chose the wrong path.” Who wants to die with regret like that?

Sometimes, I fill my plate with obligations and responsibilities in order to have an out. Well, I have too much on my plate so if I drop the ball on one thing, it’s because I am doing these 9,000 things. No room to feel bad about that. Yet, as I continue on, there is this unsettled feeling deep inside me. It tries to rise, but I keep it down. I keep it at bay. It reminds me of suppressing the fizz of a bottle of soda that that has just been shaken up.

Is this feeling fear? Or is it in fact, knowledge. Knowledge of the truth that as I keep myself busy, I’m slowly killing the spark that I know lives within me. The spark of desire for becoming fully me, alive and present, unabashed, bold. Most of all, I have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it. It sounds cliche, but I think many of us, as the world we once knew changes, we adapt. Sadly, as we adjust to the new circumstances, we start to suppress parts of ourselves that we think no longer will fit into the picture.

This is not what I want. To put to death my voice is far worse than physical death. I think of the people I most admire, and it is the people who have not let their fire die when life threatens to snuff it. In the toughest situations or in stressful life transitions, it is so easy to ask, “Why me?” But through this lens, one is bound to their suffering. Instead, might I ask myself, “Why NOT me?” The truth is that no one is immune to the difficulties of life. So, by asking THIS alternative question, like removing the binding of a book, you are able to add another page, swiftly changing the course of direction. You are no longer bound to the narrative plagued with negativity.

The same goes when looking at life’s opportunities. How often have you asked yourself, “Why me?” when you dare to let your mind wander to your heart’s most vulnerable dream. Why would I be given that opportunity to…get that promotion, get into that school, create that business, achieve that physical goal, date that person? But let us instead ask, “Why NOT me?” Why do you exist? To stuff your dreams and succumb to fear, or to be the person who dares and dares to dare again.

As I ask myself these things, I realize that in order to quell the fear, I must dare to voice the dreams I have for my life. I must not retreat from silence, but rather embrace the quietness as a chance to grow the seeds of my own voice. Bravery is watering the seeds of thought you know to be true, and nourishing them to grow into reality.

Let’s not look at life’s disappointments as rejections. Let’s not deceive ourselves to believe a task-filled life is a fulfilled life. Let us not distract ourselves with more noise. Let’s instead unleash the inner voice, and allow the fizzy bubbles to rise.

*Disclaimer: Yes, I’ve known of the show Friends previously, but I just now realized my love for it.