To the resentful parents of children with disabilities,

I want to start off by saying that you are heard.  Your family, your friends, the people you vent to every Thursday night at support group–they all hear you.  They may or may not fully understand what you are up against, but they sympathize and acknowledge the fact that they can only imagine how hard your life must be.

You may feel invisible or insignificant, but you are more impactful than you could ever fathom. You see, I’m not here to talk about the above-mentioned people in your life.  I’m here to talk about your child.  Yes, the child who causes you so much grief, embarrassment and shame.  The person whose absence would seemingly make your life a whole lot easier and less stressful.  Your sentiments are loud and clear. How do I know?  I was born legally blind and this is my reality.  Thankfully for me, it wasn’t my parents.  It was the jarring words of frustrated vision specialists who, in all honesty, didn’t have the necessary patience to excel in their careers.  During Orientation & Mobility lessons, I was frequently yelled at.  When it came time for an IEP meeting, I faced a barrage of attacks on my mental capacity due to the fact that I didn’t learn well while being yelled at.  I can only imagine how much worse off I would be psychologically if I caught wind of my parents harboring some of the sentiments represented in the writings of other parents of children with disabilities. What adults say in the presence of children matters!  In the mind of an innocent child, the inferior form of existence song is stuck on replay with each cutting word you speak over him.  The idea that your child is less than fully human becomes cemented in the deep-rooted perceptions of his mind, regardless of your intention.  He is the one who is invisible to the world.  He is trying to navigate a world that is not designed for him.  He is learning a world that does not welcome him, perhaps even in his own home.

Now, I am well aware that I may have already lost some of you due to my harshness of tone, so I want to take this time to assure you that I am not attempting to take away from your right to feel frustrated, sad, fearful or angry. You are on a journey with a beautiful person in a broken world not designed for him.  The reality is, this is a journey comprised of rough terrain.  Whether you are living with a disability or a caregiver, it is exhausting.  I just want you to think about the impact of your words.  Children are impressionable, and it’s so easy to internalize inferiority at a young age.  Thank you.

Sincerely:

Michigan Fire