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As it turns out, you can’t drink away all silences.
One type of silence lingers in the air, thick and heavy, like a blanket.
Wherever you move, that silence follows, always watching and never fading.
Within time, you begin to look as if the muscles of your face had gone on strike. Your shoulders droop and you fall onto your seat or your bed like a sack of dead kittens.
Silence, the space between the spaces, the gap between the beatings of your heart, the void between the hole of emptiness.
This silence I talk about is the one that brings an absence of peace, tranquility, and calm.
This silence is the evil twin of silence itself.
They look alike, but this one has come to take your soul away.
This one smells different. It has the air of suppression and carries the guilt of not being good enough. It’s important to identify this evil twin of silence from the other peaceful, sheltering, and a tranquil one.
I know you want to talk about this evil silence lingering inside. I know you want someone to hear it, feel it. I know you make efforts to be a part of something, a chat, a talk, social media, or a conversation with your pet. But this type of silence kills this want.
It begins to talk to you on the inside. It occupies your mind in aimless wonderings. It talks to you about what happened, what will happen, the hows and whys and lows and the highs.
In time, you begin to like talking to this gravely dangerous silence. It begins to trick you that it understands you, that it knows you very well, and no one in the outside world could be a better companion.
You begin to move away, from others and into yourself. And over the period of time, it makes you settle in your new skin.
People around you can see this change growing and overcoming you.
This process of being engulfed by this evil twin makes no effort to hide itself from the world. People will tell you to talk it out. They will warn you that it will bundle up and one day will burst you. They will try to make you realize that you are overthinking and stressing yourself out. They will tell you your health will be affected. And when you don’t listen they will hold your hand, hug you, and look at you like they’re calling you to come back. They will want to help.
But this evil silence will give you more reasons to stay with it. It will tell you stories that sound like lullabies. It will tell you everyone is self-sufficient. It won’t rest unless you believe that those other callings are lies and you will get hurt if you walk that path. It behaves much like that wicked stepmother in the fairy tales, the one who is wicked—but pretends to care.
And it’s amazing that your heart makes no noise when this evil silence is withering it. Piece by piece. Beat by beat. Silence.
I have seen many talkative, lively people become silent from the inside. The ones who once laughed the loudest are now victims of their own hollow. The ones who scream, shout, and dance at parties because they want to zone out into this evil twin of silence.
I have seen many smiling faces with really sad eyes.
These walking dead are the result of that evil twin of silence, as they whisper to themselves, “Maybe I am designed to be alone.”
I am sure you have met this evil twin sometime in your life, too. It enters and makes no sound, behaves modish, and then you begin saying things like, “I need some time and space.” How positive this line sounds, but trust me, that is the borderline—that point where you may begin to fall for the evil twin.
Hold here for awhile and see, watch the silence carefully.
Question what it brings with it, the way it talks to you, and the incidents it picks up on. Ask yourself:
If it is making the small issues in your life seem bigger.
If it is picking at the minor details and converting them into bigger flaws.
If it keeps you up in the night thinking about your past decisions.
If this is what you are hearing, then, my dear, shake yourself—it’s time to wake up, because the evil twin has crept in.