June 25, 2019

Dear Beautiful, You’re Not Dumb for Loving a Toxic Person.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Elephant Journal (@elephantjournal) on

Dear Beautiful,

I see you.

I see you trying to forgive yourself for loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

I see you hoping that things would get better if you just kept hanging on.

I see you wondering if you did the right thing—wondering if it was your fault.

I see you wondering if you will ever be loved.

I see you crying yourself to sleep, surrounding yourself with positive messages, and summoning the courage to make it through another day. 

I see you asking, Why? Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I leave when I had the chance? Why did I get so attached? Why didn’t I see the signs? Why am I still thinking about them? Why do I feel so broken? Why was I so dumb? 

Beautiful, you weren’t dumb. You were kind. 

You put your hope in love, found someone to love, and fell hard and fast. You thought if you gave it your all then your all would be sufficient. You hoped if you changed yourself and became the person they wanted then they would actually want…you.

You felt like if you could just communicate in a different way then they would hear you. You thought that if you gave enough then eventually it would be…well…enough. You thought if you could get them the help they needed then they would become the person you wanted. The person you knew they could be.

You thought if you said the right things, developed the right attitude, perfected the right skill set then they would love you. Yeah, I know it seems silly when you see it written out that way. 

But, beautiful, you weren’t dumb. You were kind. 

The reason I know this is because I know we only see from our own perspective. If we are giving, we expect others to be giving. If we value connection, we assume others want to be in relationships. If we value honesty, we assume others’ words are true. If we are good, we sometimes miss the bad in others. 

But, beautiful, you weren’t dumb. You were kind. 

You expected the person you loved to be worthy of your love. You expected them to be kind, honest, forgiving, and good. You expected them to be who they said they were going to be. You expected them to be who others told you they were. You expected them to be as convincing in private as they are in public. You expected things to work out. 

So you see, beautiful, you weren’t dumb. You were kind. 

Therefore, it’s time to stop wrestling with ghosts of the past. It’s time to stop repeating their words a thousand times in your head and using those words to pierce your own heart—over and over and over. It’s time to get out of the house, get out of the fear, and get out of the memories. 

Because, beautiful, you weren’t dumb. You were kind. 

Here’s the truth about you, beautiful: you aren’t broken. You don’t carry too much baggage to be loved.

The things they said about you were part of a game, but they are not part of who you are. You see, beautiful, I don’t hold you responsible for your past. You quite simply didn’t have all the information.

But, from today forward, I absolutely, 100 percent hold you responsible for your future. I hold you responsible for taking chances. For facing fear and saying, “I will not let you win.” For not giving up on loving and using your kindness to change the world. To be brave enough to use that kindness on yourself. 

You thought you were stupid. You now know you were good. And, with all you have learned, you are now wise. 

You have a bright future, beautiful. Don’t let them steal it.

Live it. Love it.

Another Beautiful Soul

Read 18 Comments and Reply

Read 18 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Sarah K Ramsey  |  Contribution: 5,945

author: Sarah Ramsey

Image: @elephantjournal on Instagram

Image: Enrique Gil Augusto/Flickr

Editor: Kelsey Michal