A deeper understanding of the soulful reasons for these dynamics
There is this word that has been floating around lately in the Love/relationship sector. It is called curving. It is free from being at all like ‘ghosting’ which some of you may also know of such a term.
Although new to some, the term curving has actually been around for many a decade in African American culture. Its truest meaning is to simply ignore and/or reject/negate another’s keenness of you, ie someone vying for your affection and attention. For me personally though, I remember back in the day long before even African Americans may have used the term to where to curve meant that you are curvaceous in your body, voluptuous….and/or a curve in the road or of your spine, someone who is ahead/behind the curve and such things.
Whether it is curving or ghosting or whatever label or term and their meanings you fancy to give to such, what seems to be little talked about is actually why someone does such and also what is occurring underneath both within the person doing the curving (or ghosting) and also the one who is on the receiving end from a deeper perspective than just the obvious.
Of course, there is the blatant obvious for the one curving which is there is just free from being any interest. And equally is the obvious as well that the one curving just is free from desiring to hurt him/her by direct communication of rejecting them in literally saying ‘I just don’t fancy you’ even if it is done in the most loving and compassionate way possible. And perhaps as well, the person curving may also be horrible at communicating directly as well. Perhaps sadly and related to our modern day culture, the person feels ‘safer’ hiding behind a screen of a text or email rather than face to face, one to one connection and intimacy.
Yet there is something even deeper beyond this that is two deeper reasons why someone actually curves that has yet to be spoken of~
1. Trauma and Unhealed Wounds
2. Soul Agreements
Trauma and Unhealed Wounds
In diving deeper beyond the obvious written above, any time someone curves, taking it from its core definition it means to ignore/negate/reject/abandoned someone and to do such more often than not coldly, the deeper questions to ask would be more along the lines of~
1. What type of childhood in this life (or perhaps also in other incarnations) did this person experience in which he/she either was ignored, rejected, negated and/or ignored, negated, and rejected others?
2. What is it that traumatised them so within their childhood and other experiences in life (this life or other lives) that has them feel the need to ignore, reject, negate others?
3. And really what is it they really need, want, require?
The reason for these questions to be asked above here is because at the heart and soul of it all, one who curves at some point in this life or perhaps also other incarnations has felt unloved, unheard, unsafe, unseen, and essentially what curving is which is ignored, negated, rejected, abandoned.
Thus, when someone is then coming to them with Love, attention, affection either of any sort and/or such attention, love, affection (and really lack thereof) that is not in the form that they are accustomed to from those traumatic unhealed woundings, the curver then has no clue how to handle such of actual Love, attention, and affection being given and instead reverts to what programming was taught to them of their experience and simply dismisses such, hoping that ‘someone/something better’ will come along.
In actuality and due to the trauma and unhealed wounds, what the curver is looking for is someone who will do what was done to them of that familiar pattern of feeling unheard, unloved, unsafe, unseen and essentially ignored as they equate that with Love instead of what true Love actually is. And frankly they are free from even realeyesing (seeing with real eyes) that this is even the case and instead just blame it on the one they are curving by saying there is no interest because literally in their eyes there is no interest, no interest in accepting anything of actual Love, yet only that of the pattern unhealed within them of the wounds that is comfortable and familiar.
Also equally, when you deeply understand that we are all One, ie made of the same Soul essence and vibrational frequency energy that Source is, then at the deepest core soulful, e~motional (energy~in~motion), mental, spiritual, and soulful levels the curver is actually negating/rejecting his/herself whilst also playing out the rejection/negation that occurred in their experience projecting such onto you through the mirror of who you represent rather than actually you the one who may be on the receiving end of such. And ultimately this sets the pattern for a constant curving/ghosting in which this person never fully receives that of what he/she so desperately desires.
Now, there also a deeper understanding to be had that unless you are awake and aware consciously on the spiritual path and/or within the spiritual community you are completely unaware of this of soul agreements.
As I teach within my Soul Mediumship Course, soul agreements are when before any given incarnation that we come here to earth or any other dimension of existence, we choose with Source/God, our Soul Counsel, Guides, Angels etc. what we will come to earth (or other dimensions) to experience, the people (beings/animals etc.) we will experience such with and what the life lessons we will come here to learn.
Or rather than saying it as a life lesson, in Soul we call such soul rememberings as it is a remembering of our soul as we come here to this earth with everything already and always, in all ways, within us. Ergo there is nothing to learn, only to remember what we have forgotten from having the soulful amnesia as part of coming here to earth. Thus, we play the game of LIFE (Living Infinitely From Existence and Living Infinitely From Existence) to R.E.S.T. or Remember, Embrace, and Soulfully Treasure within the soul rememberings remembered. And this remembering is an ever evolving and ever constantly choosing again and again in each moment of the OM the One Moment (as all there is at the core of it is this present moment) rather than an earthly life lesson learned in which we see it as a one off and that is all. We be and do such soul rememberings through these soul agreements.
Some seek to call such as a soul contract and it to mean the same thing. Yet, there is a big difference between a soul contract and a soul agreement. In Soul, one agrees which means such an agreement is done in harmony and accordance of the feeling (sensing/intuiting) of the Soul and its path in co~creation with Source and with one another as Souls. Such as soul agreement is an agreeing (ie mutual acceptance for such to occur) and is done as a soul before any given incarnation through complete soul choice, choosing such freely rather than something being forced. A contract however, is something that is forced and enforced by some earthly law and a must and is a legal binding thing and is not at all in alignment with what the Soul is or is about.
So this said of the above, what is little talked about within the curving dynamic (and equally the ghosting one) is actually on a soul level and resonance both the curver and the one being curved actually have chosen this as a soul agreement to experience this for the deeper life lessons/soul rememberings to be learned/remembered for their own soul’s path and progression.
Some of the life lessons/soul rememberings can be~
* Love and connection with Source/God first rather than seeking outside for attention/affection from another.
* Self (Soul) Love within being more attuned, in tune with our Soul to then choose someone who is more in alignment with us as a vibrational match for a partner.
* Inner Soul Child Healing work to heal those traumas and wounds to choose better in relationships, to then have a REALationship (a real relationship) with a partner and also with others (video on this).
* Soul Forgiveness (which is different then earthly forgiveness, yet this is an article for another time).
* Compassion within learning/remembering to be okay within our own skin simply as we are, being with what is without having to change or fix anything for this is what compassion is.
These are just a few of the possible life lessons/soul rememberings. Now, this is free from meaning that such soul agreements, whether related to curving or other things, are somehow chosen in terms of blame of ‘oh you chose this so this is why it is happening to you’. Contraire. Again it is a soul choice that we forget when we come here to this earth to play this game called LIFE.
So what of the one on the receiving end of being curved/ghosted?
Ironically, all of the aforementioned things in this article also equally apply. Because at the heart and soul of it all, the reasons why one who is being curved (or ghosted) is actually being curved is due to unhealed trauma and woundings of constantly seeking love, attention, affection and being free from receiving it, projecting that experience onto the curver and thus within consistently choosing people or partners in their lives that constantly reject, ignore, negate them, they are in essence also keeping from them what they so desperately want in their experience. Thus the one being curved/ghosted is equally invited to apply what is shared above here into their lives as well.
The Ultimate Healing
To heal something is to bring that which is to be healed into wholeness, balance, integration. From the Soul perspective, at the ultimate essence of Soul, there is free from being anything to be healed or integrated, only Love to be revealed within any given experience as the Soul sees and is as Source is~ within the knowingness that we are already and always, in all ways whole. Within our humanness as Soul Embodied (Soul in a body) though, to bring something (or someone) into wholeness, balance, integration ie healing, one is to experience the opposite of what it is that is unhealed.
For example, and to use the curving and/or ghosting situation~ what is required at the ultimate level for both the curver/ghoster and the one being curver/ghosted to experience true healing is~ connection. The very thing that both in their own way they are rejecting, negating, ignoring yet so desperately desire is actually the very thing that will be their healing.
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Because let’s face it, for the one being curved and frankly even for the one curving or ghosting or any of those words to label these experiences, to be ignored, unloved, unheard, unseen literally and totally hurts, sucks, AND goes truly against our true nature! Our true nature as Soul Embodied is that of being and doing as Source itself who created us be’s and does which is connection, union, Love, and all its attributes such as~ loving kindness, compassion, caring, giving, showing another you love them and telling them, co~creation, co~operation, empathy, compassionate listening, community, the benefit of all, gentleness, tenderness, softness, real, raw, vulnerable from the heartness, generocity, how may I serve, what may I give, how can I assist, what is the loving thing to say, do, be in this moment, upliftment, encouragement, seeing the Source/God within one another and all.
Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard was noted to say ‘Once you label me, you negate me’. And this is what we often do in life is negate one another. Thus, the ultimate healing so that labels such as curving, ghosting, and the like are free from occurring is actually connection, interconnection, interdependence, Love.
For both the curver and the one being curved, it means unlearning earthly and soulfully integrating all those unhealed fragmentations within that says oh the only love I Am worthy of is one of being ignored which is reality is free from being Love at all. And instead, to realeyes (seeing with real eyes) that it is not only ok to accept such Love that is real Love of all its attributes as shared above, yet also, that YOU ARE WORTHY of such Love simply because you are as Source is~ made of and from this Love and Source sees you as worthy of this very Love you already and always, in all ways are simply because you are made of and from this Love. You matter, simply because you exist and are beautiful, amasing YOU, just as Source has made you.
And from that acceptance, that healing, that integrating fully, the one whom you are to be with and you with them, you will be magnetically drawn to one another in beautiful REALationships (real relationships) flowing. And guess what? There will be none of this curving, ghosting, and other such negations. Why? Because you both (and any in your life who also choose such healing) will be free from any longer rejecting or negating yourself.
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You will be in yourSelf, a capital S for Soul, living in your Soul and appreciating all the gifts of all those before who curved you, ghosted you, or who you curved and ghosted, seeing the gift it is, blessing it, and releasing it in freedom, connection, and aye, Love. For to Love and be loved is why we are here truly and at the heart and soul of it all is what we all deeply desire. Can you choose such?