October 23, 2019

Empaths are the Most Selfish People on the Planet.*

Update: apparently Empaths are vicious when pissed off. See comments.

The desire to keep everything “toxic” away from ourself is, well, selfish, not empathetic.

We all have trauma, or stress, or challenges. Do we close our hearts, or remain bravely vulnerably powerful in our basic goodness?

This is how we save ourselves.

This is how we save our relationships.

This is how we save our planet: we give a care.

If you date or befriend the occasional narcissist, that’s a bummer. If everyone you date or befriend is a narcissist, you’re the narcissist.

“Empath” is super popular on Elephant. So is “positivity.”

Both are bullshit.

Real “empathy” ain’t reading Brené Brown then going and eating your bacon from factory farming snacking on slave labor chocolate driving and polluting in this climate change “future” our children are inheriting. Real empathy is opening up and crying, broken open, willing to rest in your heart when everything screams: get comfortable. Get away. Get positive. Read something soothing.

Real empathy sucks. It’s the best.

Read about Letting Go, and how it Sucks!

Don’t let folks (or ourselves) misuse empathy–it’s bad for us (and others):

Being empathetic is the opposite of being an Empath.

Empathetic: “I care because I, too, have felt pain. My pain is a gateway to care about others—not just those I agree with, or those I’m related to, but all others.”

Empath: “I feel more than most, and therefore need to protect my vulnerable heart from others, particularly those who might be toxic.”

“Real” empathy ain’t calling yourself an Empath, flipping compassion on its head and somehow turning our wounded, feeling hearts into an excuse to “protect” ourselves from “toxic” people “out there.”


If you believe yourself to be an Empath, ask yourself if “Empath” connotes that you practice compassion or “good vibes only.” Ask yourself if you are willing to be brave enough to feel vulnerable, to care about animals, about climate change, about immigrants, about “other.”

Don’t let ego usurp your gift and give you a reason to think you’re special.

You are special, but not because you’re better than others.

You aren’t.

You’re special because this heart, right here, red, raw, sweet, soft, messy, quivering—is our gift to this world of ours.

Read about Tonglen—how to handle our world openly, without drowning, but with compassion.

Get Our Podcast:

“Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.”
~ Chogyam Trungpa

“Q: Why do you think that people are so protective of their egos? Why is it so hard to let go of one’s ego? A: People are afraid of the emptiness of space, or the absence of company, the absence of a shadow. It could be a terrifying experience to have no one to relate to, nothing to relate with. The idea of it can be extremely frightening, though not the real experience. It is generally a fear of space, a fear that we will not be able to anchor ourselves to any solid ground, that we will lose our identity as a fixed and solid and definite thing. This could be very threatening.”
~Chögyam Trungpa, Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism

Read 131 Comments and Reply

Read 131 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Waylon Lewis  |  Contribution: 1,530,135