Editor’s Note: We’d hate to link you to Amazon for anything, really, but in this case, and at a time that laughter is so needed, we’re willing to budge just a little. 

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It only took coronavirus and a toilet paper shortage to force us to learn what the benefits and realities of a bidet are all about.

We have traveled a bit in Europe and always wondered what those funny “second toilets” were about. And why?

Recently, a friend told me about a mutual friend who suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and has difficulty finding the strength and flexibility to meet her toilet hygiene needs. Her ex-husband bought her a bidet and installed it. (Now, that is enlightened gift giving.) She said that it didn’t take this prince of a guy very long and it seemed simple.

Hmmmm, interesting pieces of information. But I just filed them away.

I had heard that the cleanliness factor was a benefit, but I didn’t research that either. Still intimidated, I think.

But the toilet paper shortage and learning about how unsustainable the production of toilet paper is? Now, that finally made me research!

There are a myriad of articles on how the production of luxury toilet paper for the United Stated is damaging to boreal, or northern hemisphere, cold-temperature forests in Canada. Toilet paper production uses 27,000 trees globally on a daily basis. And the industry is harming indigenous people. Who knew?

Now, with the coronavirus, we have panicked people buying up every roll they can get away with, creating a very real shortage.

All the dots started to connect. It was time.

I started actually looking at various bidet products. The simplest ones seemed gimmicky. How good could they be? They were inexpensive and confusing: just cold, or hot and cold? Nozzle washers? And don’t ask me to count the number of other design features that stymied me. Yikes.

Okay, I was interested in purchasing a gimmicky bidet that could attach to our toilet. Now what?

Home Depot, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Lowe’s did not have them in stock or online.

I finally ordered one that was available on Amazon. It was in stock and arrived within a few days. It sat in the box until I asked my husband if he could install it. He agreed, and we have been learning about bidets, in real time.

From the first experience, we “enjoyed” it. I say that because we didn’t understand how we could get hot water to the fixture and it was a real “wake up call.” But the results were so very nice. A clean feeling like you have just taken a shower.

I read some hilarious reviews on Amazon, the kind that have you rolling around laughing in the middle of the night when you are researching online by yourself. I always imagine someone coming upon the scene and pronouncing me somewhat insane.

If you are up for some “bidet humor,” check out these hilarious excerpts of reviews:

To read the full versions, you’ll have to visit the link.

Like a Sharpshooter…

“The first time I used this was a test run. I lowered my britches, sat down, pulled the handle and… YOWZA! It was like a sharp shooter took aim at my starfish with an icy blast of NOPE. I actually let out a yelp my husband heard from the kitchen and started laughing because he knew what I was doing.” ~ Angel Searle, Like a Sharpshooter…

Refreshingly Clean Stars

“It seems I have very high water pressure, and if this is the case for you as well, I’d advise easing into the lever, instead of pushing it straight down or you too might shoot up and hit the far wall of your bathroom.

I suppose there are probably people who would really enjoy the equivalent of Old Faithful rushing to greet their nethers, but I’m not one to live for extremes and usually find pressing the lever down only half way quite comfortably enough.” ~ M Ham Mon, 5 Refreshingly Clean Stars

There you have it, dear friends. Enjoy!

You will thank me.

~

Relephant: