I remember the day my ex-boyfriend and I had our first breakup talk like it was yesterday.
I knew it was inevitable, but it was still one of the most painful experiences in my life. That night, I sat on the floor drinking tequila—the one he had given me on my 21st birthday that we spent in New York—straight from the bottle and cried. Then, we had fantastic breakup sex. The kind that I always think of whenever someone brings up “the best sex of their lives.”
It took me 365 days to fully recover and be able to honestly say I was over it. But, yes, that didn’t make all the pain I’d experienced magically disappear from my memory.
Still, it felt like I had finally escaped my own obsessive prison. I finally had the ability to experience new emotions, with new people without looking back and comparing them with my ex.
As hard as it is to believe when we’re still grieving, we will most likely fall in love again.
Sure, it won’t be the same as it was in our previous relationship, but it will be good in a different and unique way we couldn’t imagine.
We might meet someone who’s not even close to our type, or be in a relationship we never thought we’d see ourselves in. None of it will feel the same as our previous experience, but that doesn’t override the fact that it will still feel good.
We can’t control negative emotions by shutting down and not allowing them in. If we do this, we won’t be able to get to those bright feelings that make us feel alive. As appealing as it sounds, life wouldn’t be the same if we were only capable of positive and good emotions. There can be no good without the bad, as well as no love without hate.
We often are told that we have to be completely vulnerable when becoming involved with someone. This isn’t always correct. It is solely our decision whether or not to turn our candor into vulnerability—and when we do it.
But, if we’re always distancing ourselves from both good and bad experiences, there won’t be anything left for us to remember and cherish. And what’s better than memories we create with our loved ones?
We are never safe from the heartbreak.
The next person we date might decide they don’t want to be with us anymore, and that’s okay. Breakups are painful for everyone, but when we genuinely feel good about ourselves and can be self-reliant, we are more likely to handle rejection better. And, eventually, we will move on to another next stage of our life.
So, why is it that we’re are so afraid of opening up to someone again, and would rather self-quarantine ourselves from love than try again?
We don’t know what future holds, but isn’t it better to be alive and choose love rather than hiding from it?