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I know sometimes we are afraid of our own light.
But here in isolation, when the outside noise begins to fade, we get to come face-to-face with all our capabilities. It is so easy to run back the other way where we are safe. We feel secure in our pain because it is all we know.
I’ve lost many relationships and friendships throughout my life for shining too bright and refusing to dim down. I’ve had many people in the music industry recoil at the sight of me because what I speak about is too raw for them. I say f*ck them. They bore me to tears anyway.
When we take significant steps towards the person we want to (and know we can) be, it usually takes life a little while to catch up, to integrate. It can begin to feel like we are taking 10 steps back, and we curse ourselves for trying to be courageous in the first place.
Take it from the girl who posts vulnerable, fearless hunks of her soul on the internet, then has a panic attack when it gets published and runs to bed with a box of gluten free cookies to hide under the covers.
Thoughts are the vocabulary of the brain, and feelings are the language of our body. Imagine if these two magnificent, significant parts of our body walked this earth together as one.
The more we combine these two profound aspects of self, the more we change our reality. The only side effects of change are growth, healing, and internal coherence. It is the most fundamental part of personal expansion.
I tried to dim myself down. Some days I wish I could just shut up, get an office job, attend parties as a quiet punter, and read pretty articles about personal growth as an innocent bystander.
Before COVID-19, I would go into deep bouts of isolation and dissect every part of my life. I would delete Facebook and live in a cocoon of shame. But after a while, a conversation or a little glimpse into what life was like when I was shining would come back and bite me on the ass—I would snap back into reality and run back toward my authentic, inner warrior.
It can be alarming for those who try to bring us down to see us in our true worth and confidence, when in fact, we always had it within us. It is our birthright.
I know the shiny glimpses and pretty words of men can be so blinding. I know that sculpting a perfect version of ourselves for the internet is oh so tempting. I hope we all continue to speak the truth of our minds and never forget the spark that exists within our hearts.
I hope we each find the language of our soul.