June 10, 2020

A Message for the Mamas who Feel they’re Failing.

I had a realization today that I feel is worth sharing.

I set goals that I am incapable of achieving and then feel like a failure as a result.

I’m a mom, and as a mom, I am almost always failing in some aspect of my life. If I’m not working and earning money, I’m failing. If I am not pushing hard to make my business successful, I’m failing.

If I’m not being the mother my children need and I’m not available for them when they are having a hard day, or a good day, I’m failing.

If I don’t have a great fit body and pretty hair, I’m failing.

I am playing a game I can never win, because if I invest too much in one area of my life another area suffers.

How do we balance being a working mom without the mom guilt?

I honestly don’t have an answer to this question other than to set different goals. We simply cannot do everything or be everything to everyone. This makes sense on paper, but trying to tell myself this when I’ve disappointed another person in some periphery part of life, because not being “enough,” hurts.

It’s frustrating, because no one expects this from a man. A man gets to go to work and make the money, and come home and rest, and enjoy the kids, pour a drink, relax in his “dad bod,” and kick his feet up.

The working woman has to be excellent at her career, show up for PTA meetings, help junior with his homework, make dinner, have a tight ass, and keep up with the laundry. It’s impossible! But somehow I, and many others, think it’s attainable.

We gotta’ break out of this mindset. 

Maybe it should be more along these lines:

Today I chose to be an awesome mom and that meant that I skipped a work meeting to be with my kids, and that’s okay. Or, today I had to get a sitter for my kids, so I could prepare for the team meeting, and set myself up for a promotion and that’s okay.

Maybe we can just start being awesome at one thing everyday, instead of expecting ourselves to be perfect at everything and failing miserably at it. 

I don’t know if this helps anyone else out, but I’m going to give it a shot.

Maybe I can just be “enough” in one category of my responsibilities a day, that’s a win.

That’s an achievement.

Maybe that’s a more rational way to approach life. 


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