*Warning: naughty language ahead!
When we are not yet women, we are oftentimes insecure and our self-esteem is low.
Sometimes we lack complete self-worth. We may feel lost. We think we are who others have been telling us we are are our entire lives—until we discover we are more than that. So much more. And different even.
Thanks to our childhood experiences, among other things, we start viewing ourselves, life, and relationships from a limited perspective.
We start looking for love in other people, because the love we needed as kids wasn’t given to us. We perpetuate the cycles of wounds from our childhood in different ways in our adult lives.
With our needs unmet and the emotional baggage that follows, and a distorted idea of what love is, we end up attracting lovers that usually mirror to us our deepest insecurities.
If we dare to look deep within ourselves, we will have admit it’s all bullshit. Real love was never what we thought it was.
Love is usually not what we hope or think it is. Real love asks us to become naked, to peel our layers, and dare to show our real vulnerable selves—our core.
We attract partners who treat us as poorly as we treat ourselves because we don’t know any better. We don’t have any boundaries and we allow others to walk all over us—until we do finally set boundaries and become clear of where we end and where the other person begins.
In my past experiences in the love department, I usually attracted what I would now call “fuck boys.” Boys who would only be interested in grabbing my pussy and having a lick or two at nipples, instead of kissing me, feeling me, sniffing me, and exploring my body slowly. Boys who would use me for their sexual urges. They didn’t want to get to know me or approach me apart from sexually and erotically.
How could they?
I was ashamed of my own sexuality and erotic self. I pushed it away. I made them my priority by ignoring my sensual self—by being afraid of the intense and deeply sensuous woman I am.
Those fuck boys never attempted to discover me—the woman in me. They were interested in the insecure girl in me. That was comfortable for them. Hit and run right?
My soul screamed so many times—until I responded to her call. Until I was ready to embark on a journey to my wholeness and womanhood. To let go of my past conditioning and childhood traumas.
I learned, and I am still learning to not depend on anyone to love me—to not depend on anyone’s approval of me and my life’s path, or what I believe or don’t believe in. I am learning to respect myself and discover the many layers of what makes me a woman in progress.
And now, the “fuck boys” no longer approach me. They run away from me now—just how it is supposed to be. I am not interested in them anymore and they are not interested in me. That insecure girl in me they liked in me died some years ago.
When we don’t know who we are at our core—when we don’t know what our hearts want, when we don’t know how to deal with our childhood abandonment issues and all the distorted beliefs we have about true love that have come from our families, media, and movies—we end up attracting and accepting less than we deserve. Less than our souls deserve. Because we don’t know any better.
Until we start doing the “deep inner work” to understand who we are and what we truly want in life, we will suffer. We will find ourselves in superficial and shallow connections that don’t grow us, don’t bring out the best in us, and with people who don’t care about us. We will fall for empty connections and be scared of love when it comes because it’s will be new to us.
Our ways of relating to each other as men and women still have a long way to go for us to be able to transform and approach love, and sex, and each other differently. On a whole new level.
I also doubt that most of us know exactly what a real soul-deep fucking or sexual experience looks or feels like.
We are not perfect.
Our human nature will never be perfect.
And that’s the beauty of life.
Because we are always growing, if we choose to grow. We are always transforming, if we allow inner transformation to happen through our experiences in life. If we don’t resist change.
Remaining ignorant of our own ignorance will not take us far in life. We won’t know what it means to be us and thrive.
Once I took responsibility for my choices and my own happiness, my entire reality shifted.
Fuck boys faded away. Fake love faded away. I started loving myself (still am every day). I started to respect, honor, and appreciate all of me (still am every day), and I no longer take the behaviors of others personally.
When we as woman or men claim ourselves—all parts of us—when we start living from the heart instead of our childhood wounds or past experiences. When we let go of our ego’s need to be “right,” and we begin to search for more meaning in our lives, our entire lives become more pleasant.
We find things we are passionate about and we pay attention to the quality of our connections and friendships. And we make a choice to always evolve every day by choosing what matters the most and letting go of our conditioned patterns that no longer serve us.
It’s a process. It takes its own time. Inner awakening is alchemy, and as such, it’s not always easy. But we always have a choice to change or remain the same. No one is to blame for what we choose. It’s our personal responsibility.
Of course, every one of us has their own struggles and emotional baggage to take care of.
But taking the path less traveled, in order to become the woman or man we are within, is the biggest investment we can do in our lives.
The more connected and loving we become within ourselves, the better relationships and connections we’ll start creating in our lives.