Life is messy.
Loneliness is messy. One day, you will be on top of the world, feeling like you could slay a real-life dragon, and the other, you will feel like you have fallen into a pit of doom of which you will never get out.
Feeling like you’re alone can be crippling. Feeling like you’re not enough can make you shut off to the rest of the world. However, once you’re able to face that loneliness, you can start exploring self-empowerment.
Say “hello” to that loneliness, because it is your old friend, after all. You came into this world alone, remember? You moved across the entire continent alone, twice, remember? You were scared, you were lonely, but that never stopped you from getting sh*t done. That never stopped you from helping people and from giving your famous “no bullsh*t” advice. That never stopped you from loving with everything that you have. Yes, life is messy, but you are braver than just giving up now.
Someone once told me that in order to be brave, we need to be afraid first.
Yes, I have been there, too. I have looked at fear straight in the eye, and I still do quite often. I used to be scared of being rejected, disliked, or to get my heart broken again. I used to avoid all the negative emotions, as if my life depended on it. Yes, all those things hurt. All those experiences are not the most pleasant ones. But instead, with the assistance of an enormous amount of self-help and therapy, I have learnt to stop my fearful thinking with thoughts like, “What if things work out?” and “What if I end up having the best time?”
Understanding that my emotions do not shape my reality is powerful. It reassures me that being afraid is just another, completely natural emotion that is there as a self-defense mechanism. That said, we should feel afraid every once in a while. Otherwise, if you’re not afraid of anything, how can you be brave?
It is okay to be scared. But what is not okay is to give up and not try to be courageous. What are you really afraid of? To be rejected? To end up all alone? To fail at something you’ve been working hard at? Now, ask yourself what would really happen if those fears came true. In reality, not that much. Sure, your ego could get bruised and you might shed a few tears. But then, the tears will pass, and you will try again.
You will keep on trying until you succeed. And that is life: unpredictable, always changing, and constantly surprising us along the way. Just because we’re lonely now, only means that we won’t always feel like that. Emotions are like the weather: let them pass, observe them, and patiently wait for the inevitable change, because nothing is permanent.
Trust that the universe has something better planned out for you, and trust in yourself that you will get through this—just like you got through every year. Over a year ago, you couldn’t even cook a meal without bursting into tears, and look at where you are now. Do not add to your suffering by thinking it is never going to get better, because it will. Deep down, you know it. Celebrate the little victories now, start a gratitude journal, and reach out to friends and family.
Loneliness is messy, but, without it, we wouldn’t value connection in the same way.
Without it, we would just be floating by taking it all for granted. So, just embrace the messiness and be brave.