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July 22, 2020

Unconditional Love does not mean Losing yourself & Ignoring Toxic Behavior.

 

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A level of guilt ensues after we have confidently and assuredly told someone that we love them “unconditionally.”

When we truly feel it, we have put a painstaking amount of time into believing we do—we are committed to sharing our love with that person, always. Then when the relationship starts to decline, it becomes unavoidable to deny; the little things that mattered when that person was trying to win your heart suddenly stop.

The texts and calls once filled with warmth and love—the things that connected the two of you throughout the day—dwindle. Now they are replaced with an occasional hello that seems as if it is checking off a box on a to-do list. Being in each other’s presence no longer brings comfort and joy, but rather discomfort and frustration.

You wonder what has gone wrong, and though you know that you love this person with all your heart, their words and actions (or lack thereof) have been bringing you down over time. Suddenly you are unsure of their love, their friendship, and what your relationship means to them. 

You fought the good fight; you opened your heart, communicated what you needed, and were there for them through thick and thin. You respected their wants and needs. But suddenly, they show up, but they’re not genuinely present. They are just there—physically. Your heart weeps as your struggle to survive while slowly dying inside.

Some people would stay and chalk it up to the way it is. They think that every relationship grows comfortable, habitual, and possibly dull over time. People make excuses for their significant other and bury their heads in the sand.

And maybe that works for some, but when you have two people who are polar opposites on certain core values and who feel differently about what a relationship means to them, it won’t work unless both people are committed to ensuring the other person is loved and cared for in the way that they need to be loved and cared for. 

If not, the cliché, “Sometimes love just ain’t enough,” rings true.

So why do we, the sensitive people, feel guilty when we decide to stop being with that person? 

Why do we feel guilty when we tried tirelessly, fought hard for the relationship, and were honest about our feelings and needs? 

Why the guilt when the other person clearly did not love enough to compromise and work together through the issues (even though they said they would)? 

A saying resonates: “There is a difference between giving up and knowing when to walk away.”

My love is unconditional. If I love someone, whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, I love unconditionally. 

You will always have that love and a piece of my heart because you touched my life. But if my relationship with you becomes toxic, if there is chronic negativity or repetitive, abusive behavior, and if I have given it my all to work through it together without success, then there is no place for you in my world. That is not unconditional.

And what can cut deeply is the fact that sometimes the person you want to be with the most is the one you’re better off without.

Make a contract with yourself that you will unconditionally love, respect, and honor your core values, beliefs, and needs. 

We often lose sight of these things when we are with another. We struggle to find our way back to ourselves when a relationship ends. 

Ensure that you listen to your inner voice, pay attention to any red flags you may see, and learn to trust your judgment. 

Give your love, not your soul.

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