July 21, 2020

The 3 Things we should know when a Relationship Ends.


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If you like this, you’ll love these: This is the Soulmate we Have to Let Go Of. and Love is Not Enough: Why we Can’t Always Be with a Soulmate.

Sometimes, all it takes is a little shift in perspective to help guide yourself toward healing from, and making peace with, a breakup.

I’m talking about breakups of every kind—friendships, romantic relationships, situationships, job changes, relocating.

Adopting, or even considering, these perspectives doesn’t mean that you won’t still feel the pain. Transitions and changes of any kind have the potential to cause pain. But, these three things have helped me to accept the ending and shifting of relationships many, many times—and I hope they can help you, too.

Let’s start with stepping-stones, shall we?

Imagine yourself on a path. Your path leads you through your destiny toward your highest self. This path isn’t paved; it’s not clear-cut. It’s more like a dirt path that guides you with a series of stepping stones.

Each one has a gap between it and the next. This gap is the space where transition happens. Each stepping-stone provides you the foundation that you need to stand on at that particular time in your journey.

Some stones are under clear skies, some are under an umbrella of trees, some of them rain on you. Each experience on each stone offers you something—be it appreciation, mistakes, lessons, or advancements. When looking at this from a situational perspective, such as a relationship, the ending is actually where the transition toward your next step begins. You’ll find yourself on a new stepping-stone that provides new experiences, and so on, and so on, until you’ve reached your final destination.

This metaphor helps to find peace when you’re able to look at your situation as an opportunity to grow. The stepping-stone has taught you something; it has served you or another in some way. And when it’s purpose has been served, it’s time to move on to the next.

Keep this mantra in mind to reflect upon: “It was just a stepping-stone,” and just give yourself a moment to see how it feels.

Next, puzzle pieces.

What do puzzle pieces have to do with relationships?

Well, if you’re familiar with puzzles, particularly the more difficult ones, you know that some pieces look like they fit together—but they don’t. The shape fits right, but the image doesn’t match the others. Or the colors look like they blend together, yet the fit is just a bit off. And for the sake of being all inclusive, some pieces are clearly and obviously not going to fit together—though this doesn’t always stop us from trying (especially when we’ve grown tired and are losing focus).

Relationships are a lot like that. And for me, it answers the question: Why didn’t it work? Well, you two just didn’t fit together.

That’s okay. Learn what you can from the experience to help you find a new piece, or take a break, and try again when you’re ready to.

Ahhh, soul mates…

Some believe that a soul mate is one person—one person and one pursuit. Some don’t believe in soul mates at all.

I, however, believe that we have many soul mates. That soul mates aren’t restricted to just one romantic relationship or romantic relationships in general, nor situationships. I believe they also apply to friendships.

This is because, to me, soul mates touch different parts of you. Different parts of your soul. And because this is a deep connection, we often get confused on the part that someone is supposed to play in our lives or where this soul fits in. All we know is that there’s a connection, soul to soul.

You can find a soul mate in your friends, the love of your life, your pet, or an an ex-partner who wasn’t meant to be your partner. A soul mate could even be someone with whom you longer speak to.

Looking at relationships this way helps us to see how the connection is still valid, yet not just right in its intended or preferred context. Soul mates don’t have to be limited to just one mighty mate on a pedestal.

I invite you to ponder upon these perspectives and see if you can relate them to certain areas of your life.

Do you see what I see?

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