July 8, 2020

Dear “Difficult” Women, Stop Apologizing for your Fire (they’re just Afraid of the Light).


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Women with fire in their souls need a partner with an accelerator, not an extinguisher.

Too often, I have felt the need to dull my sparkle to win someone’s approval. I tried to deflate my enthusiasm to fit into a pristine box of somebody else’s design.

I have “toned it down” to make others more comfortable.

I am sure I am not alone in this. 

Ladies, has a partner, friend, or employer ever told you that you are an overthinker and passed it off as a negative? 

A negative? I’m thinking, what?

Many strong, bold women I know have been labeled difficult, high-maintenance, hard work, or (every man’s favorite) “crazy,” because their passion burned too bright to be controlled. The consciousness of these women is far too developed to be understood—their light overshadows the fragile egos of these men.

Step into the light and let these drains go.

You are not an overthinker; you are a deep and passionate thinker.

You are not hard work; you are striving for better.

You are not difficult; you are creating boundaries.

You are not high-maintenance; you are setting standards.

You are not crazy; you are enlightened.

Making yourself smaller or dulling yourself is never the path to winning approval or loyalty, and definitely not the route to everlasting love.

Being raw, real, and living an authentic life designed by you (and adhered to by you), is something you must choose. It is not for anybody else to influence or redesign.

Playing small will not liberate you—or anyone else. It will drain you and deter you and create resentment. You will eventually feel like you are living your life wearing a mask. You need to be unmasked—released like the wild, young thing that you truly are. 

Do not live your life in shackles—it only serves somebody else.

Do not tolerate being tamed. Be who you are, sing your song as loud (and out of tune) as you want.

People who are repelled by your true state are not your people. F*ck them.

Having an opinion matters. Thinking big matters

If you have been blessed with an overactive mind, use it, and do not be ashamed. The world needs you. It needs free and fearless decision-makers; it needs shaking up and waking up and questioning—bold dreamers and mindful magicians.

So, you are outspoken and outrageous, and some people will be offended—let them be. Let them be offended because you have the right to offer your version of events, and you are not asking for approval. You are asking to be heard—not liked, or even listened to—heard.

Your magnitude is not measured by popular opinion, but by the brave way in which you serve it.

The truthtellers, the dreamers, the visionaries, and pioneers within us are there for a reason. There is no service in submission, in gagging them or censoring them for the comfort of others. Do this, and you are suffocating your spirit and depriving the world of your brilliance.

Maybe in showcasing your free-spirited souls, you will allow others to follow suit. You will set a precedent of openness and liberation of ideas and opinions.

In doing this, we encourage others to let go, embrace their strengths, and speak their truths.

Fear is contagious, but so is bravery.

If you are wasting your potential for the benefit of others, it’s time to stop. If people are not motivated by your madness, it’s time to leave them to their mundane.

A good friend of mine says, “People are either radiators or drains.”

So radiate—and do not apologize for it.


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