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A study by the American Sociological Association in 2015 found that 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
More recent studies indicate that number is growing. Furthermore, one of the leading causes of divorce is that the female partner receives a promotion at work.
I find this alarming.
To me, this particular combination of statistics makes it abundantly clear that once men are no longer required for financial stability, men are no longer required.
Surely there must be a more glorious destiny for men than to shrivel into worthlessness amidst a growing population of powerful women. But is it too late?
Masculinity experts such as David Deida and Jordan Peterson have long been discussing the ways in which the foundations of masculine identity have been eroding in the face of rising feminism and gender equality in all arenas of life.
Their argument states that whereas men used to draw their identity and measures of success from professional achievement and financial provision, we are increasingly left without meaningful methods by which we might qualify ourselves.
I don’t believe the salvation of men lies in the reclamation of the workplace, nor that we ought to fight tooth and nail to return to the gender roles of the 1950s.
Quite the contrary. Our greatest potential lies in our ability to evolve. And perhaps it’s not too late.
If our value is no longer derived from our ability to provide financial security, we must adapt to fit our circumstances. We must begin to embody the kind of men our modern, empowered, awakened women desire.
We as men must embark upon the deeper emotional work required of those who wish to hold both masculine grounding and emotional agility.
This takes tremendous effort, not because we are any less capable of emotional depth, but because we’ve been taught since we were young to suppress the instincts on which this depth is built.
The ability to hold space for another starts with the ability to hold space for ourselves. We cannot sit in the discomfort of someone else’s emotions unless we are first able to recognize and process our own without haste or dismissal.
Let us examine our resentments, explore the headwaters of our angry reactions, and face our vices as adversaries, rather than sources of comfort.
Brothers, let us learn to love ourselves.
In addition to learning to effectively hold space and nurture vulnerability within ourselves and our partners, I believe it is paramount that we also:
>> Begin taking steps to understand the inherent challenges to professional success experienced by women.
>> Cultivate a more functional understanding of female anatomy and sexuality.
>> Dive deep into the beauty of subtlety in order to develop a fully formed sense of masculine and feminine energies.
These are subjects that can feel at once daunting and endless, leading us to a premature sense of hopelessness. That’s okay. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. But this is how we choose our future.
Pick one aspect and read two articles about it. Then ask women in your life about their experience. In that modest departure from our previous ignorance, we take a hundred steps toward being the sort of man she really wants and needs in her life.
In addition to educating ourselves and beginning to lift the heavy burden of emotional self-exploration, I believe we should also work on building a more diverse sense of self.
This one is for us more than it is for her.
We deserve to feel good about ourselves, and nothing contributes to that sense of positive self-image more than enhancing our lives with interesting facets of expression.
Learn a new language, find a new hobby, become an expert on some obscure subject. If it suits you, pick up a reading habit and become more intellectually diverse. If you resonate more with physicality, try woodworking or learn to tie flies.
The more we master auxiliary skills, the more confident we will be in all areas of life, and, as a byproduct, the more our presence will compliment and enhance our relationships. Let us all find ways to be less boring.
For our own good and hers.
The feminine is rising, and women are proving themselves to be meaningful contributors to this world cultivated by men, for men.
It’s time that we also find ways to contribute something of value to those worlds previously relegated to women.
The ways of old are dying, or are already dead.
Will we die with them, shriveling into a meaningless heap of cocks, or will we rise to meet our women in the glory of something new?
Brothers, the answers are up to us.