July 26, 2020

Why I Effing Love Dating in COVID.


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Many of us are feeling like the world might be coming to an end.

The reality of what “normal” is has turned upside down, and we don’t know if we’ll ever go back to it.

We are encouraged to not leave our homes, to social distance, and to be on our own.

For us single people, that can be effing hard.

We are being asked to remain at home, in isolation, and in the unknown.

We are also being asked to face all of our fears. Our deepest fears are coming up around the stability of our jobs, running out of money, being alone forever, getting sick, losing control, and so on. It is different for each one of us, but we are all feeling it in one way or another.

There is a lot we are working with in this new dating scene. It is not the same dating we knew before the world exploded.

This new way of dating and meeting people has a lot of benefits and in many ways is even better than it was when we weren’t socially isolating.

Here is how:

1. We are being asked to get to know each other on a personal level before the physical aspect comes into play. Since we can’t see each other in person, we are being creative with dating by talking over the phone or video chat. This means dedicated one-on-one time, without the distractions of movies, dinners, the outdoors. It’s a pretty powerful way to get to know one another. You know…through a focused conversation.

Meeting over video or phone is a way less intimidating way to connect and allows us to be more authentic in how we show up, how we express ourselves, and what we say. It’s like the barrier of technology actually brings our inner protective barriers down. It allows us to be more openhearted and vulnerable.

2. We get to meet people when they are in fear mode. We get to see them at their lowest points.

Talk about insightful! We can see how they manage their fears, what they’re afraid of. Do they hide from them? Distract themselves? Do they pretend they’re not there?

These collective fears are coming up, but also deeper personal ones. Like the fear of being alone forever, the fear of not being validated by others, the fear of running out of money, the fear of not getting to see their dreams through. This is a powerful conversation to have.

Get to know what people’s deepest fears are. You know, the ones that they have no choice but to look at right now because they’re home and alone with their thoughts. Guaranteed they are thinking about them, and having them share will be a hugely informative and connected experience to have. Normally this stuff does not come out until way later in the dating process, and we can thank COVID for giving us the ability to share about them earlier.

3. There is time to build your connection and relationship. We’re not going anywhere any time soon, so you can use this time to slowly get to know the person in front of you. You don’t even know when you’ll get to meet them in person, so why not savour the time you have getting to know one another before the physical aspects get in the way or the distractions kick in?

4. It’ll save you time and money. Since you’ll be spending more time online and less time wining and dining, commuting, and purchasing outfits, you’ll have more money in your pocket.

5. You’ll feel safer. The distance you’ll have on your dates will physically feel a lot safer for you. When we meet people in person, there might be a feeling of not knowing if they are serial killers and if you’ll be safe with them. When it’s online or over the phone, you can feel physically safe. I think especially for us women, that’s an important one.

Use this time of staying home to allow yourself to build intimacy with these new people you are meeting, to really get to know them for who they are and feel completely safe doing so. It’s also a great opportunity for you to be more open and more vulnerable.

With vulnerability comes deeper connection. and you’ll really get to know the people you are dating, before spending the energy, time, and money to meet them in “real life” (whenever that happens).

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