September 24, 2020

It’s Either F*ck Yes or F*ck No—Eliminating the Grey Area in our Relationships.

More lovely words to improve your relationships: This is what a Relationship with “The One” should Look Like. & I Hope he Loves you like This. {Poem}

*Warning: Naughty language ahead!


I was absentmindedly scrolling through Instagram, when I came across a video titled, “What does it mean if he’s looking at all my stories on social?”

It was on an account I follow by a man who gives relationship advice. He’s quick-witted, articulate, and most importantly honest (blunt as well, but hey, the truth ain’t always pretty).

Honesty is something we can all agree social media needs more of.

Needless to say, the relationship expert dove headfirst into answering the question with the first word that should naturally come to all of our sane minds: “nothing.” He even looked annoyed when speaking the word in his video, his hands were in the air and his voice was a little high-pitched.

He continued:

Does he want to get back together? Fuck no.”

Does this mean we can salvage our relationship? Fuck no.”

He didn’t use the word fuck but I have, because, well—fuck it. His overall kick-ass message was:

“There is no underlying message to someone looking at your social media stories, the answer is a simple and resounding—nothing.”

I sighed both in recognition and irritation. I tried to find some compassion for the person asking because let’s face it—we have all been there.

Sadly, but truthfully, we have.

We have all spent countless time studying behavioral patterns, so much so that we have ignored the glaring truth that was right in front of us.

I immediately remembered a law, thought of and created by one of my favorite authors Mark Manson, called the Law of Fuck Yes or No. I know, you had to have seen that coming.

It states:

“When you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say, “Fuck yes!” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of Fuck Yes or No also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must respond with a, “Fuck yes!” in order for you to proceed with them.”

This was primarily advice for dating, but if you think about it, you can apply this to any relationship in your life—friendship or otherwise. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone say to me, “Oh, we should totally catch up for coffee,” when both of us know it will never happen, because our relationship is just a—fuck no.

It cuts right through the grey bullshit and simplifies our lives.

The girl asking, “What does it mean if he’s looking at all my stories on social?” has yet to realise that she is desperately holding on to her “fuck yes!” when clearly the guy is a “fuck no,” thereby breaking the second half of the law.

You might be enamored but if you have to ask if they are, well, you have your answer—don’t you?

I love this law—it has tangible benefits. We start to live more authentically; our interactions with others aren’t a farce based on polite societal norms, but influenced  by an enthusiasm and willingness to share meaningful time.

I’ve caught myself many a time in the grey space, letting all kinds of relationships fester, drag out, or simply bore me almost to death because I didn’t want to seem impolite, disinterested, or aloof. It’s even worse when you are doing it for external validation.

The difference between leading with the soul and leading with the ego is that one sets the stage for true success and the other one has you doing shit you don’t inherently want to do.

If you’re doing it for the ego, you care too much about what others think, you want to be seen a certain way, or you have insecurity issues. And yes, it’s all linked to your self-esteem.

People with high self-esteem just don’t do this shit—they know it’s a colossal waste of time.

You know what they say, read the fine print of the law. You don’t have to be rigid, you can be a “fuck yes” trying to restart a relationship, or you can be a “fuck yes” about getting to know someone better before you decide it isn’t for you.

How can you tell when you are on the right path?

It’s easy and complicated.

Your soul speaks through your gut, so feel it and listen—it’s guiding you to where you need to be and to who you want to be with.

What a novel thought that is: we don’t have to fight, force, or analyze all of our connections but select and nurture the ones that feed us genuinely and vice-versa.


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