Lies, Lies, Lies

Lies, lies, lies…I’ve been thinking about the lies I told myself and anyone else who would listen while I was in the cups.

I’d tell myself that nobody knew how much I was drinking. That nobody could tell that my life was falling apart. I’d tell myself that my friends didn’t mind taking care of me night after night. That everyone got kicked out of bars. That everyone hid bottles. Left the oven on overnight. Stayed in bed for days at a time. Drunk dialed exes. Drunk texted family. I could go on and these are just the things I remember.

I hated checking my phone each morning. It was throwing gasoline on the fire of my anxiety because I KNEW I’d sent some B.S. to someone the night before.

Just today my sister and I had a conversation about honesty. It was a daily challenge during my drinking years to lie about and hide my alcohol use. I’d hide bottles all over the house and lie to friends and family about how much I was drinking. What a horrific way to live. Couple that with “hanxiety” and my nerves were fried.

I’ve often said that I can put up with just about anything as long as one is honest with me. If someone lies to me once it’s difficult to trust anything they say from that point forward.

As an alcoholic before recovery used alcohol to mask and numb my true feelings and emotions. I washed the real issues down with my beverage of choice. Until I surrendered to the fact that I cannot drink normally, the defect of dishonesty hung on just like a monkey on my back.

Sobriety has not only given me a happy, healthy, serene life. It’s given me back the morals and values that my sister and I were raised with. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal. Once that first drink hit my lips all bets were off.

Today I’m honest. I refuse to look in the mirror at a liar, manipulator, or fraud. Life is meaningful again and I try my best to enjoy every minute of it. Keep it simple today, Sober Family.