Do you ever wonder how confident people are so confident?
Here’s my experience developing my own confidence and a breakdown of the most confident people I know of and how they become so confident.
Before we start, it’s important to note that confident people do not have an absence of fear. They have simply taken action over and over again, and through it, they’ve become confident. As Dr. Russ Harris quotes in the book The Confidence Gap:
“Confident action first, confident feeling second.”
You have to do confidence first.
How do we do this?
Let’s look at five critical characteristics and habits of confident people:
1. Confident people know there is a chance of failure or something going wrong but take action anyway.
If you avoid something because you are worried something may go wrong, you will never do it. That is life, though. There is never a guarantee that things will go “right.” With every one of my blogs, videos, podcasts, and coaching calls, there is a chance that something won’t go as planned. Someone may not be happy, but I do it anyway; it’s essential.
And, again, you won’t get results without action. Confident people enjoy the process and find peace in knowing that they tried. Let go of the expectations. Have goals; they’re great! But let go of expectations and enjoy taking action.
2. Confident people practice (over and over again).
Practice does not make perfect—nothing is perfect. Practice makes progress. And when we make progress, we feel more confident. Confident people make things into a habit. For example, I am pretty confident in front of a camera because I spend 30 minutes a day talking in front of a mirror. I am pretty confident on a coaching call; I spend a few minutes a day reading coaching questions (repeatedly) to embed them into my system. There are experiences in life where we will feel nervous—this is normal. But we need to go through them to feel more confident. And if you practice something repeatedly, you become more familiar with it, which improves your confidence.
3. Confident people understand that fear will always show up in life.
When confident people move through fear, they feel more confident because they have overcome it. This isn’t the end, though; fear will come up again. If we retreat to our comfort zone every time fear shows up, we can’t make progress (and, honestly, lose respect).
Imagine if a friend said they would do something for you but kept bailing; what would you think? You’d probably think, “They’re unreliable; I can’t trust them.” (This is the same for yourself, though.)
Life is a continual process, and fear will come up. This is a natural reaction from the brain to keep us safe, but you have to keep rising to these challenges—confident people do. Also, if you are overcome by your fear now and then, don’t beat yourself up. Consider how you can break the cycle—challenge yourself more—and go again.
4. Confident people don’t let negative people hang around for long.
Do you know people who bring your confidence down? Well, try and reduce them and avoid them as much as possible. Yes, some people might be your family or your best friend, which is challenging, but try to minimize the time with them or be honest with how you feel.
Confident people respect themselves and don’t allow this in their lives. So you shouldn’t either. If you don’t change your life’s negative aspects, you won’t grow your confidence. Period.
5. Confident people practice and use positive self-talk.
You’re useless. That was rubbish.
Those were common phrases I used to say to myself when I lacked self-esteem and confidence. The odd criticism will still come up now and then, but very rarely. You can’t just get rid of negative voices in an instant; that’s not how it works. It works by building a vocabulary full of positive self-talk.
Get into a routine of praising yourself and giving yourself compliments regularly. You need to train your brain to do this. Spend a few minutes upon waking up or before going to bed thinking or writing positive things about yourself.
As I’ve touched on, confident people don’t have an absence of fear or negativity in their life. It’s their attitude and mindset toward it that makes them confident. They know they have to apply new actions and habits to overcome obstacles and build their confidence.
Use the above tips to boost confidence in your life. It might take a bit of effort, but surely it’s better than being stuck?
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you. As always, never skip self-esteem day.