?When the person you were supposed to be able to go to for comfort was incapable of comforting you.

 

?When the person who was supposed to tell you “everything is going to be okay” was incapable of telling you that.

 

?When the person who was supposed to be your rock required you be their rock instead. 

 

?When you were scared shitless in the storm and the person who was supposed to comfort you was also scared so shitless they talked about departing the world at any moment and leaving you alone to weather the storm on your own. 

 

?When the person who was supposed to love you unconditionally couldn’t (and still cannot) truly see you and required you be who they wanted you to be instead of who you are. 

 

?When the person who was supposed to teach you how to survive and thrive in the world could barely survive each day.

 

Will the agony ever go away? 

Will the resentment ever disappear?

Can all of this truly be learned?

Will peace and wholeness pervade or will they just be occasional visitors?

 

In moments, I think I can see the light somewhere down this tunnel. 

 

I’m older now, the same age this person was when they failed me so greatly. And yet, it still hurts, it’s still confusing, it still affects me. 

 

So I work on being the person they were supposed to be. Even though I wasn’t shown how and I’m not always too certain of what I’m doing, I give it my all. And when I can’t give anymore, I sit with myself in the dark, hold myself close and promise to never leave me.

 

Now I am the person that’s supposed to do all those things. And I promise to do my very best. Just for me.