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I made a list after I meditated about what makes me scared.
It was funny because so much of the world is scared of a human body, of not having the new best thing, and of someone being different from one another person.
So many of us are scared to share our own vulnerabilities, of who we really are with no makeup or masks or “perfection.”
But my list is different.
The scariest things to me are:
>> To be alive and have a life, and never live the full depth of it and become my truth.
>> To be alive, but to not live at all.
>> To try to please everyone and attempt to live up to everyone’s and the world’s expectations—and not to live up to my own.
>> To be everything I am not and never find out who I am before I die.
>> To live and never know happiness, joy, or truth of my own—only to know what it feels like by hearing it from others.
>> To live in the darkness of judgment and shame of myself and others, and it never allowing me to live in my light and feel the pleasure of living my truth while I am alive.
>> To continuing to live the pain between who I am being and who I truly am meant to be for the rest of my life. For me this is the greatest pain I will ever experience.
>> To not take those steps that will change my life. It scares me to be courageous enough and to take a few big, scary decisions to become who I truly am. But it scares me more if I don’t, and stay as I am—regretting the life I had, and never being my own hero by doing the work I’m meant to do with this one life.
>> To live a life of an empath and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, instead of turning it into compassion where I can live with it while witnessing it for what it is.
The scariest things for me are the ones that come from within.
Why are these the scariest things to me? You see, life is one hell of a ride. It can be tough, sad, unfair, chaotic, confusing, and so many other things at times.
However, it’s also breathtakingly beautiful and worth it—but it only becomes worth it when we change the things we can change. The truth is that we cannot change others or the world around us; we can only change ourselves and tune into our internal world.
Having gone through some difficult times, I never expected to be online teaching people and writing a book about getting fit from the inside. It was the change that saved my life.
So, let me tell you a bit about me.
My Naked Truth Statement
I’m a yoga teacher and well-being consultant.
I taught myself pole dancing.
I have experienced abuse, been raped, and tried to commit suicide.
I lost a baby.
I have a beautiful daughter.
I post regular photos and videos of myself online, with commentaries on life, love, and yoga.
I view my body as a gift and don’t feel that clothes should define us.
My images, with or without clothes, are about art and freedom.
My heart hurts from all the judgement in the world.
I wish I could fix it, so my daughter didn’t have to experience this hatred.
It’s hard being misunderstood in my yoga and fitness.
The judgement can be overwhelming, but all I can do is show my journey and let others share theirs.
I used to be terrified of being my true self—honest and vulnerable.
But I’d rather be judged for my truth than for something “perfect”—that’s not who I really am.
My Naked Truth Statement reminds me that I’m so many different things: a yoga teacher and a mom, an Instagrammer and a YouTuber, and a person who—like most of us—has experienced pain and heartbreak, as well as incredible joy and love.
Essentially, I’m just a woman who’s trying to do her best, and I want to share with you the discoveries I’ve made along the way that helped me. These were nothing outside of me and everything within me that were the catalyst to change.
The scariest things are the things that create my change to better tomorrows and lift my darkness within and without. To me, they signify being whole; they allow me to align with my truth and live a life fully in tune with who I am. When these things exist, they create the disconnection within me, and, in turn, with all in life I coexist with.
Some tools I incorporate to lighten the burden of shame and judgment, and realign from within are:
1. Lighten the load.
Rather than carrying the weight of the world around, exhale and tell yourself you are here right now.
Through observation, acceptance, and nonjudgment, we can release whatever is creating delusions in our minds and open the cages surrounding our hearts. When we bring the light of awareness inward, the hold of ego and resistance begin to disappear and the subconscious can be slowly understood. By confronting darkness, we light the path to freedom.
2. Seeing the strength in surrendering.
The word “surrender” is often associated with weakness for so many, but it can be a gateway to growth and trust when we find ourselves in circumstances beyond our control. The life cycle of the butterfly is proof that we can go through a great deal of darkness, yet emerge as something more amazing than we ever dreamed.
3. Surrendering as a conscious choice
Life is wild at its best; it’s not made to fit into neat labelled boxes. We humans are elemental, primal, and fluid like water.
So let’s allow our lives to flow, and to flow with them.
Let’s not keep trying to control and box ourselves in, and then call that living. When we can’t exert control, we have to adapt and grow—and that is how we will uncover the hidden beauty of ourselves.
4. Surrendering to the truth of your emotions
Try not to hate your tears of rebirth—your painful fractures of regrowth. These broken pieces form the fragments of a bright new mosaic, waiting to be pieced together into a thing of beauty.
In the same way, trust that through your experiences, your truth and love will slowly emerge. Life becomes an incredible gift when we embrace and merge with the new person we are becoming, instead of feeling unworthy and overwhelmed by all that we have been through.
It is in digging through the dirt and chaos, dancing in the storms, piecing ourselves together bit by bit in all our newfound awesomeness, that we will find happiness, courage, bravery, strength, tenderness, fresh possibilities, and love.