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November 19, 2020

The Search for Belonging

When I was in school I was a nobody. I was called a Spock always trying so hard to get good grades and I had to work hard at everything I did. As a child I struggled to read until year 4 and that reading and writing challenge still exists today. I got Cs in English and many exams marked down because I made so many grammar errors. I was a 3000m on track international runner but in school I was an average runner. I spent 80km or more a week running to become that runner training on my own. I was a state swimmer and a national waterpolo player but could not swim until nearly 10, for fear of water. Nothing came easy or was natural. As a kid I had a hard time growing up to find my place and I was always having to put in triple the effort of most, but we don’t see this. I personally didn’t like school much. I wished people saw me more. I spent most of my time out running and swimming and playing waterpolo. I became one of the best sports girls in my school but never once was I popular or loved. I was only needed to fill a spot on the sport team. At 36 I realise all the belonging I craved all my life comes from belonging in me. As an adult the high school mentality still exists. People often only want you to service their needs. But as adults we must learn we have to create our communities and lives that make us shine, we have to set boundaries to make sure others treat us right and we must do what makes us happy so we dont let our life go to waste.

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