November 13, 2020

You were the Weakness in Me.

You were so wrong for me for so many reasons, but ah, you were so right in so many ways.

A collision of mind, body, and spirit that was unable to be denied. Two people who should have walked away from each other. Who tried to walk away from each other but instead were drawn together like magnets. A force of nature that erupted like a storm, a hurricane in all its startling beauty and fury.

You were the weakness in me.

I was captivated. You had this way of making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I fell fast, and I fell hard. I believed in you. I had such faith, respect, and trust in you. I gave my all to you and then some. I lowered my guard and let you in. All of you. The good. The bad. The joy. The sorrow. I allowed you to devour me in every way, both beautifully and so very painfully. I loved you in such a way—I’ll never f*cking quite understand.

You were the weakness in me.

You so easily put me on a pedestal and just as quickly pushed me to my knees. We ignited the most magnificent of fires, and just like that, it was extinguished—with just smouldering rubble remaining. A love so fierce it was both extraordinary and terrifying. A rollercoaster of dizzying heights and brutal lows that could not be sustained. Not like that.

Sometimes, loving someone means letting them go.

You were the weakness in me.

A chemistry and energy that defied all logic. An understanding that we were meant to collide. We were meant to be in each other’s lives for, at least, a moment. A want. A desire. A need that to the outside world made no sense. But to us, in that moment, it was something. It was everything. When I thought of home, I didn’t think of a place—I thought of you. An ability to confide in each other—in a way we had not been able to do with others. Secrets shared and secrets kept. Words of love spoken and felt. Words of pain spoken and felt.

You were the weakness in me.

A torchlight shining on all our insecurities. A mirror held up to show us who we really are. A connection so deep it cracked us both open, and in those broken shards, I discovered my love for you, in all its rawness, was never going to be enough, regardless of how deep and unconditional. I realised that by giving and giving, you had learnt to take, and your jealousies and need for control were unhealthy.

An epiphany came to me, in a stark, sad, and devastatingly painful realisation that this—this epic coming together of two souls—may just be a divine lesson.

You were the weakness in me.

Some of the greatest moments are just that—moments. Some love stories are not meant to be forever. They are meant to give such intense blessings that our hearts and souls are forever grateful. They are meant to teach us such profound lessons that become a catalyst for monumental change that could never have happened had we not collided. In just a moment, a look, a touch, a stolen kiss, a whisper of I love you, a feeling in our core would forever be burnt into our soul. Something to take with us on our own journies—the most precious of gifts.

You were the weakness in me.

Maybe your role was to prepare me? To prepare me for my next love—a love that will last longer than a moment. A love that will know—I am worth fighting for. A love that will not only say I am the love of his life but will show that in his actions every single day. A love that will appreciate my gifts and my generous heart. A love that will keep his promises. A love that will respect me. A love that will call me his queen and say he loves me unconditionally and proves that to me. The type of uncomplicated love I deserve.

You were the weakness in me.

You loved me intensely, but you f*cking broke me—I shattered into a thousand pieces. In my solitude, I had to put myself back together. I was able to do that, and in the quiet corners of my grief and darkness, I stepped out of my comfort zone and I grew. I learnt boundaries. I found my purpose and my wings. I understood that my forgiving heart forgives myself and you, and that I will always hold a piece of you deep within my soul. For my love for you was always real, in all its messiness, beauty, and rawness.

My love, our love became my lesson, and my weakness became my strength.

“Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.” ~ Susan Gale

You were the weakness in me.

~

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