December 31, 2020

7 Tips for Building Self-Confidence When our Insecurities are Tearing us Apart.

For the past few months, following a dramatic and tumultuous breakup, I have been learning how to build confidence throughout all areas of my life.

We live in a world that encourages and almost fosters insecurity. Incredible amounts of energy feed our social media platforms. The inner workings of our private lives are plastered all over the internet—we have lost our obscurity. We have lost our desire for privacy, and our lives scream, “validate me.”

Fortunately, I have given up social media many moons ago. I traded it for inner peace and security. It didn’t take long to adjust to a life without social media—apparently, I wasn’t that reliant on it.

The repercussions of social media and its effects on our children, families, and our lives are a great concern of mine. I have authored numerous articles that outline the many problems we face today.

But I digress.

Confidence affects our relationships with our friends, family, coworkers, and bosses, but especially our most vulnerable relationships—our romantic ones.

How we show up in our relationships is a revealing indication of where we need the most improvement.

“Confidence…thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection, and on unselfish performance. Without them, it cannot live.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you were on my front porch looking in, you would see a confident and independent woman. I may appear as “powerful” (how my boys see me) and as an “overachiever.” When I work hard in achieving something, I usually succeed.

I am confident in parenting, housekeeping, friendship, and my career.

When I set a goal, I go for it 120 percent, without hurting anyone in the interim. When I parent, I do the best I can each day and succumb to any failures or shortcomings.

I learn from my many mistakes.

Abandonment issues have been my biggest struggle, but I have also experienced infidelity and childhood trauma.

Struggling with abandonment issues can cause an extreme lack of confidence, especially in romantic relationships. Abandonment issues can cause a person who seemingly has their sh*t together to fall into pieces from insecurity. They may sabotage a romantic relationship when it becomes intimate. They may become insecure, jealous, and suspicious, and eventually self-implode from overthinking everything.

I fall short on confidence in my romantic life. My past has not groomed me well for a healthy relationship. I have experienced drama, pain, and toxic behavior.

Even though my old “MO’s” carry a lot of pain, I am grateful that my past has molded me into the strong and independent woman I am today.

I am a survivor.

I am grateful to have let go of old behaviors, and I am now creating new ones. I am allowing others to see my vulnerabilities. I am letting go of control.

I will allow someone to love me and simply get close to me.

These new behaviors will lead me to trust my highest power.

I am sure, at that point, I will just know.

Having personally struggled, I realize how it helps others to share our struggles, especially when we dish out advice on how to heal this sh*t.

When I observe myself and my behaviors without any shame, I am more successful.

Many of us are out there experiencing the same debilitating fears, anxiety, and deep sadness.

I am here to tell you that life can be different.

I have identified and cleared my obstacles by using a unique set of powerful strategies to help build a more confident and rewarding life.

Please pass these helpful tips along to anyone you know who may need this and may it be of benefit:

1. Separate from anything or anyone who doesn’t allow you to be your best self.

We need the right tools to build confidence and be the best version of ourselves. Confucius was the first to speak about the law of attraction: “You are who you surround yourself with.”

Remove the toxic people from your life. List the people (and things) who are an emotional drain on your life. Focus on letting each one of them go. Once you make space for happy, confident, and healthy people, they will show up. People are our mirrors.

2. Make a list of weaknesses and where you struggle to see the positive.

In what areas can you make miniature goals? For example, if you are struggling with your weight, start a healthy routine that can help you meet your fitness goals.  If you struggle with anxiety, use techniques such as yoga, meditation, medication, and exercise. Give yourself achievable and measurable goals.

3. Conquer the nitty-gritty of any self-esteem issues.

Have you suffered from trauma? How about childhood family issues? Were you bullied in middle school? Have you ever experienced a bad breakup? What triggers you into feeling as if you are not enough? Consider some coaching or counseling.

4. Switch your focus to self.

Even people in committed relationships need to spend time alone. Learn to validate yourself and your own needs. Practice a self-care and self-love routine. One that will build self-esteem and confidence without looking for outside validation from your partner, friends, and social media.

5. Give up social media.

This is seriously the best medicine for anyone who needs help with self-confidence and insecurity. Social media feeds our feelings of inferiority. Happy people don’t need others to view and validate their lives.

6. Get involved in things that make you feel good and bring you joy.

Start a project, volunteer, remodel your home, take a class, or start a new hobby. Be creative and become immersed in it. Excel and have fun. Being productive and accomplishing tasks helps build self-esteem quickly.

7. Love yourself for who you are.

Spend time in a sacred space and write in your journal. Identify all your amazing qualities inside and out. Put a star next to your favorites.

These personal development strategies will bring light to the areas we need the most help in tackling life’s most challenging obstacles.

You will love the changes you see in yourself and in your life, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t begin this journey a long time ago.

Trust me.

“Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.” ~ Jack Nicklaus

Wishing you a path of happiness, confidence, and contentment.

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