December 17, 2020

Should we Ignore the Bad in the People we Love?

“People say: Find good people and leave the bad ones. But I say, ‘Find the good in people and ignore the bad in them.’ Because no one is perfect.” ~ Unknown

I came across this quote on a friend’s Facebook page, and it got me thinking, “Is finding the good in people and ignoring the bad—just so you can have them in your life—really a good idea?”

While the sentiment of this post is beautiful and, in a perfect world, this would make for an awesome truth, the sad reality is that ignoring the bad in someone, especially someone we love or deeply care about, can, and probably will, end up with our heart being broken, our spirit crushed, and our life left in ruins.

The trick is to not ignore the bad, at least not completely. Instead, weigh up the good and the bad, and if the good outweighs the bad, and the bad is just small things that cause irritation, then yes: do your best to ignore the bad.

But, if the bad outweighs the good, and the bad is really bad, but you find yourself still holding on to the good, as little as it may be—just to keep this person who you love and care about in your life—you are doing yourself a disservice. Actually, you are setting yourself up for hurt and pain. When it inevitably happens, the amount of suffering we go through is directly proportional to how hard we held on to the good.

If you held on with all you had, with your whole being, to the good you saw in someone when the bad was far worse than the good, then trust me, the pain and hurt you feel when things go wrong—terribly wrong—will be soul-crushing.

So yes, ignore the bad if it is simply mild irritations but don’t ignore red flags, especially when they are terrible behavioral patterns that are repeated frequently and completely contradict your own beliefs and morals.

The choice to keep someone in your life is always your own. Surround yourself with people whose good far outweighs their bad, choose a happy life, and stop setting yourself up for disappointment, hurt, and emotional trauma.

Nobody on this earth is perfect, but believe me, some people are perfect for you. Be open to the good in people—but please, don’t ever be purposely ignorant of their bad.


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