January 17, 2021

5 Questions (other than “Why Wasn’t I Enough?”) to Ask ourselves after a Breakup.


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Are you taking everything apart?

Every spoken word? Every interaction?

Does, suddenly, every detail seem to matter so much

Are you trying to understand why and when it went south?

I get it.

But, if you’re lucky, you won’t get in too deep.

You won’t start asking yourself stupid questions (as I have) like, “Why wasn’t I enough?”

You won’t recap everything you said and did, just to understand why she or he left.

You will ask the following questions, though:

1. Did you really fall in love, or did you only fall in love with an idea or the potential of a person? 

2. Were you treated how you wish to be treated?

3. While it lasted, did you treat yourself how you would treat others?

4. Were you true to yourself?

5. What did you learn from it?

Be honest.

And, without further ado, the truth is: it didn’t work out.

Life is full of different shades of grey, but from time to time, you get a very clear white or black out of it. But only if you’re honest with yourself.

Because if it should’ve been working out, it would have—without explanation, double bottom, or any lack of clarity. No ifs, ands, or buts. 

You shouldn’t have to read emotions, trying to get the whole picture while losing your sight. You shouldn’t have to wonder if you are enough. Ever.

Those who have really loved and gotten the same kind of love in return will know this.

But for now, just know it will get better with time.

It’s okay to be sad right now. It’s okay to be sad that it ended and that the idea of you two didn’t work out.

Embrace the grief, the doubts, and the memories—even the bad ones. You learn from them, and you grow.

Take them with you into your next relationship, whether it’s romantic or with friends, parents, or even a work relationship.

Listen, it will get better.

I promise.

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