My aim is to write to inspire, help, and share with you what I’ve learned and experienced.
And, in doing so, saying that you are not alone.
I’ve also come to the realization that I cannot always be full of cheer as life is full of ups and downs. Recently more downs than ups, and right now, this is what I’m kind of feeling: lacking motivation, bored out of my mind, and feeling like I’m slowly dying inside, or is it just me?
Feeling numb, tired, having days where I can sleep forever, and having days where I can’t sleep at all. The days are beginning to blur into one, and I’m not sure if I can tell what day it is anymore—“It’s Monday, I think.”
In the beginning, lockdown was exciting: working from home, drinking endless coffee, eating and snacking as much as I like at my make-do desk (the bed or sofa), having the freedom of sitting in my pj’s all day, and, of course, I still do. What’s not to like about that?
On the rare occasion, I make myself presentable, which means making an effort to get dressed into anything other than what’s considered to be loungewear, and this can be seen as a significant event. For one, I get to feel like a human being again instead of just being in a constant slumber. But don’t get too excited, I’m only making myself presentable to go to the Supermarket as the only hobby I have in what we call “modern times” is to see what next meal I can conjure up, becoming an expert of what we call fine wines, and before I forget, my all-time favourite new pastime: walking.
I don’t have a dog to walk, so I simply take myself for a walk.
On the upside, every day feels like a holiday: a working holiday. A working from home holiday. The benefits of living in the country is that we have some breathtaking views and walking routes stretching for miles, which I never knew existed.
So, when going for a long walk I never know what type of farms or animals may cross my path—cows, big cows, sheep, lamas, and chickens to name a few. I quickly learned that their fight-or-flight instincts kick in as soon as they see me approach. They all scatter away from me or just freeze on the spot in just the same way when we see big scary things approach us, but we digress.
When they freeze, they would give me the deadliest death stare, and for a little fun, I would also freeze on the spot and reciprocate the stare. I chuckle to myself as it feels like I am playing a game with them to see who will flinch first: “Hold it, hold it. I win!” I say to myself.
Yes, it does feel like I’m going crazy. Although, they say it’s okay to talk to yourself. Signs of madness is when you answer yourself. I don’t think I’m quite there yet, or am I? Can you tell?
Nevertheless, I’m sure we will all make it out alive, or half-dead alive, or alive but dead inside. At least we are saving lives or are we?
The definition of that I believe is open for interpretation.