Long-Distance Lockdown Love: A 12-Step Survival Guide.
Anyone who has experienced physical separation in a relationship will know that this often brings challenges with it.
In removing a more ordinary presence, a more ordinary sense of physical availability, that in some ways intensifies the methods of connection still available to us—i.e., our remaining senses.
There is so much lesson in the connection and the heart-bursting appreciation always comes when finally there is the reward of sharing the same space.
While perhaps romantic in concept, it has been a more challenging dynamic. It is tempting to give in to the protest of “it’s too difficult” or “we need to let this go.”
However, the separation can never last that long, in the scale of things. For after these times, there is the realization that some things are quite simply not meant to be let go. Some things continue to be worth the fight.
For each reunion brings new strength, new resolution, and a new level of commitment. In a world focused on seeking the more instantaneous, the more “controllable,” this dynamic tests our conviction in many, many ways. It also tests our resilience.
Now, add to this a global pandemic, and it’s fair to say things have moved to a new level of challenge entirely.
The purpose of this writing is to acknowledge the love waiting patiently, likely feeling the sadness of separation.
This is my survival guide, a gift of love from me to you to handle these times, to not only survive but to perhaps even flourish.
1. Connection must continue.
To breathe and maintain life in any relationship, regardless of context and even in ordinary terms, connection and communication are key.
If you cannot see each other physically, explore new and alternative ways. Head for the phone, write a letter, message, Zoom—quite simply, whatever you need to do.
And do it regularly.
Communicate like you never communicated before. Be honest. Be open. Be raw. Be vulnerable. Hold each other. Balance each other. When one feels vulnerable, deflated, the other lifts their game.
And vice versa.
2. Challenge your perspective.
Overzealous absorption into the detail can suffocate, both emotionally and spiritually.
Overthinking can lead to self-sabotage.
Lift above, look down.
Understand the bigger picture, always.
3. Acknowledge the timeline.
Nothing is permanent.
Good times, bad times—they all have a shelf life.
Celebrate the good. Acknowledge the bad. Take the lessons.
Consider what you can do with this time to grow, to learn, to become the strongest version of yourself.
4. Help others.
Fulfillment comes through service.
Connect, connect, connect.
Be loving and compassionate always, to loved ones, family, even strangers.
Never has connection been more important than now.
5. Do not disconnect.
There is a big difference between being comfortable with your own solitude and isolation.
Isolation is unhealthy. Isolation leading to loneliness, even more so.
Work hard to stay engaged.
To consider things compassionately, openly, without judgment.
6. Challenge your belief system like it has never been challenged.
Question all—question everything.
What do your heart and your intuition tell you?
Do not allow your mind and your fears to play havoc on your well-being.
Quite simply, if your heart and intuition share with you a different story to your thoughts—stop.
Listen like your existence depends on it—because in many ways, it does.
Trust yourself more than you ever have.
7. Step away from fear.
Love versus fear. A personal favourite.
Fear fragments. Fear isolates. Fear denies. Fear is ego. Fear is pride. Fear is restrictive. Fear suffocates the very air needed by life, to breathe.
Love like you have never loved before.
8. Get honest. Allow vulnerability, like never before.
Share where you are at. Be honest.
Step into your “courage” shoes, even if they feel strange and new.
Wear them often—watch them soften. In fact, watch you soften.
Do not think hard equates to courage.
Courage is being soft when your environment is hard.
Get real. Get authentic. Sit with it.
For however long you need to.
9. Have faith.
Talk to the Universe. Whisper. Shout.
It does not matter—for you are heard.
Believe like you never believed before.
Sit quietly and watch the universe reply in her own beautiful, subtle, and exquisite way.
10. Do not wait to be rescued.
No one is coming.
The lesson here is learning that you—yes, you—are your own rescuer.
You have the power to manage this.
To become who you were always intended to be.
11. Know that only love is real.
And love does not have borders, walls, or obstacles.
Love moves easily and fluidly over mountains, around lakes, even up motorways.
Love travels any way it can. And when it acknowledges its power. It’s unstoppable. It cannot be squashed.
And while ego can be impatient. Even sometimes, intolerant.
Love will always wait, where it is pure. Where it is unconditional.
The kind of love that quite simply will not extinguish because, in truth, it has no motive or desire to do so.
It simply celebrates its existence in whatever form it chooses to take.
12. And for the fellow long distancers out there—I urge you to remember.
Redefine your understanding of home.
Home is bigger in concept than your geographical location.
Home is where your heart finds home.
Home is where there is love.
You’ve got this.